My head aches and a drowsy dampness
pains my sense, and makes me
pray these germs stamp less
hard on my eyeballs’ scleriae.
You tell me how swiftly it flows;
this never ending sneezing,
this liquefaction in my nose,
These lungs that won’t stop wheezing.
My skin’s red hot and wrinkled;
zillions of germs infest my liver.
My tongue’s dried up and crinkled,
and I just shake and shiver.
You vapo rub my back.
What?...ice water enema me!
Between these germs and you, you quack,
you're my new worst enemy.
What happens when I am lonely
Reality becomes a game
Because everything becomes so phony.
Many times my emotions overwhelm me
This tortures me all day
But you'd never know unless you can
already see.
I sit inside my head
Think about horrible things
And than never make it to bed.
I know I have to get up and clean
That's how I deal with my bipolar
When I'm in a rage and being mean.
I wonder where the day has went
As if I was only on borrowed time
God to me has lent.
There's those days I feel so much energy
and power
But than there's the other days
Where I feel as shy and frigid as a flower.
Sometimes when I go to bed at night
That constant urge sets in
Preparing for fight or flight.
I have plenty of anxiety
So much that I don't eat or sleep
And tend to know no boundary.
I deal with this from day to day
Sometimes I find myself alone
In my bedroom just drifting away.
Life has always left me pondering
Will this craziness ever stop
I think I will always be wondering.
For me sometimes it's so easy to get lost
Into a world you'll never understand
Because it's a road you have not crossed!
With my very first bout of chemo
The first side effect I found
Was pain along my jaw bone
When ere’ I first bit down
Let me back it up some
So you might understand
Pain along the jaw bone
Is uncommon with this brand
And if it is encountered
It’s every time you chew
Not just on the first bite
But lasts the whole meal through
I guess it is my nature
It’s not something that I seek
Side effects – abnormal
Leave me to be unique
Mdailey 5/21/11
Doctor doctor
Tell me what went wrong
Doctor doctor
Will I have to wait that long?
Doctor what is the use
My heart is battered
These words just an excuse
Doctor, peer down in me
Tell me what you see
All of us been bumped, discarded
Don't need no patient history
Doctor we're out on the streets
Fathers and Mothers gone
Got more families than fingers
Can you say what went wrong?
Please mister Doctor M.D.
Got no love to speak of
We wrecked in misery
Church ladies snort their faces
Social workers grab and wrench
Doctor we looking for a home
What can you prescribe?
Doctor you ran all the tests
I know this old body wont last
Fracture lines in the veins
And all the days been smashed
Doctor what can you do
Spent my whole life looking for you
i wear this pain with my head held high. you can't see me cry,you would never know
that i employ laughter,when inside i just want to die. this pain has also given me
respect for others-its given me diginity. this pain in my heart i can live with. its for
me and only me,its not for the world to see. this pain does not define me,cannot
confine me,it can only make me stronger-this pain.
Creeks and leaves run along the border
Mayhap I shall see his face once more
I begin to see bizarre sights with eyes wide open
Single lights and colors rotating and evolving
Flashing in and out of focus before my sleepless eyes
Then the bees come out of the wall, giant bees
I blink away the bees but then I walk toward
our bed the window blinds seem to be open and light
is streaming in the window. Branches are waving at me and I
remember there is no tree at our window. I get scared, more than ever before;
the bees come at me again, gieant bees. Why is this happening to me?
Am I dying, having a stroke? Did the fevers fry my brain?
The scenes keep flashing and demon red eyes appear and start to consume my family
but Jesus pushes the demon down and saves me and my family.
The morning breaks and I am glad...
Cancer of the colon
I decided to go
In the back of my mind
I knew it was so
My mother died of it years ago
I wanted to see my children
Before I went in
Blood came again
I saw them on my birthday
I held them close that day
I saw them again the next day
Tears falling as they walked away
They had no idea what was going to happen
The next day I went in
I had to go then
They put me under
And all my fears came true
Oh what am I to do
I have cancer of the colon
It was now confirmed
I went under again the next morning
By mid afternoon I was through
All the Doctors and Nurses put me back together
Thanks to them all and God
I have no cancer
Thank you all and God
By: Shawn Jones
07-05-10
whisper to me in dark places,
unshackling my mute form
revive the thousand voices,
I have sustained in a forever
unspoken and formless
so as to be forgotten,
it was in a night-scape,
the void of sound
negated speech
I break into flight,
with an oath choking
on my first cry
I drift on the hair of my nape,
as the weave of my cloth
spirals, for a moment
as gums bleed out
the rhythm in my shade, refrains
I ask of you,
caress me in a softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places
for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues
I could sit and groan and moan
I guess,
and you would expect
they will expect
some crying
but I cant and I wont
cause I have better things to do
with something as precious
as time,
you want me to lay down
and die
again and again
but I wont and cant
because pure stubbornness
drives me to succeed
you will never get what you want
by default maybe
but not because I let it
She has Ana staying over again
You don't like her at all but she's her friend
Ana brought some pills for her to try
She tells you not to look they'll make you want to cry
She says Ana told me not to eat today
Don't argue with me I don't care what you have to say
And she's yelling at you for no reason at all
But she can't help it she just feels so small
When she looks in the mirror
She dies a little more inside
She hangs her head
And asks God to tell her why
Now she looks at you with tears in her eyes
Tell her she's beautiful
She hangs pictures of Ana on the wall
She says she'll get there even if she has to crawl
The secrets inside are hers to keep
She no longer lets you hold her as she sleeps
One day
She says baby come and sit with me while I pray
One day
I hope I'll never have to feel this way
She walked in the door like an Amazon Woman
Let me introduce myself I'm____________
I've been doing this for thirty years
She was pale as death warmed over with red hair
But flawless porcelain skin that had never seen the sun
Well let me take a look ...yep
Here's one of those pre-canerous lesions...nope make that two
Then she draws out her equipment ..a bazooka flame thrower
There's no need to numb these up I'll just zap them
Then she turns on her benson burner and goes hold still...hold still..
I'll never get it burned off if you move away..
They must have just released her from some mental hospital
Where she was on the ward for mentally sadistic disturbed patients
Well at least I learned one thing...maybe two
One..never trust a woman with liquid nitrogen in a blow torch
Then she said to me you are of Scandanavain decent..
Strange place to learn of where one's ancestors came from..huh.
I've lived a month with this cursed flare,
I can hardly remember when it wasn't there
Back in the days when I had not a care
I've lived a month with this cursed flare.
When it first came, I felt alone,
I couldn't get out of bed at home
the diagnosis then I was shown,
I knew now why I was laying prone.
Lupus is a terrible disease
I've asked the Lord to rid me please,
It hurts so bad to even sneeze
Yes Lupus is a terrible disease.
I've learned to live through all the pain,
Now that I know it has a name,
There is no-one for me to blame
So, I've learned to live through all the pain.
One day, on a sudden whim,
I started a sponsored slim
In an effort to get me trim
And raise funds, for our ‘Hospice’ of much renown
Things were going good,
I was doing what I should
By eating healthy food
But there was one thing, which always let me down
This was the evil demon drink
And wine was my armours chink
Straight down the kitchen sink
It should have went, if truth be known
Not satisfied with just one glass,
I’d drink each drop, until the last
Then hunger struck and I’d break my fast
Guilt, the next day, would make me frown
When I stepped on the scales,
And saw to no avail
My slimming quest had failed
I felt I’d betrayed my cause and let people down
This led me to proclaim
This day, from wine I will abstain
So pounds I’ll lose, not to regain
And raise the funds for our ‘Hospice’ of much renown.
My dear brain, forgive me, won't you?
I've filled you with alcohol, time and again
My heart's silence drowning the head's tin can
Once and for all I am delivered to you
Forgive me, won't you?
Give me time, an agenda if you must.
Make me a shoe salesman, a bird-watcher,
A circus clown, whatever...
But keep and restore the Trust of the Spirit.
Forgive me, brain.
Dear Brain,
My dear brain, forgive me, won't you?
I've filled you with alcohol, time and again
My heart's silence drowning the head's tin can
Once and for all I am delivered to you
Forgive me, won't you?
I walk now in dry landscape
The full clarity of the mind's wrongs
Radiating against my neurons
Bristling against the inchoate...
Fix it, put it all in place...
Give me time, an agenda if you must.
Make me a shoe salesman, a bird-watcher,
A circus clown, whatever...
But keep and restore the Trust
Of the spirit--
(if I can't hear it
than they can't hear it.
If I don't sing it, its never been sung.
Though if I write it, I've made a puddle...)
Without it there is no sailing.
No joyous movement; only love's curtailing.
Forgive me, brain.
Sincerely,
The Rest Of The Body
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