Long Healthme Poems
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I'll share with all of you on this subject all I've got.
You see, I think I'm Schizophrenic but I'm not.
You've heard it said so many times before
that if you think you're crazy rest assured,
you most probably, certainly are not.
Those with such extreme ailments of the mind lack the ability to define what's crazy and
what is not.
So just to be sure I'll say it once more. I'm Schizophrenic. There I said it, so I'm not.
Am I Schizophrenic to see the many things that disturb me
here in what normal people call reality?
The major corporate pharmaceutical companies are a multi billion dollar industry.
They're making billions of dollars off of others much like me
for their investors, stock holders and the CEO's of the companies.
Very little money goes back into legitimate research of the medical community.
Their motives are for profit not to help others like me.
If they cured us all, profits would fall. Next stop bankruptcy.
They keep us believing while they continue their feeding us meds that there's a possible cure
in a pill.
Better yet, a combination of medication would be their more preferable prescription for you
to fill.
Most if not all prescription drugs will pretty much guarantee
annoying side effects be they mild or severely.
There really isn't any need for you to worry though.
They'll prescribe for you anti side effect medication before you go
make your next appointment to come and see them again, so they can prescribe more pills
and draft more bills over and over again.
Do you sometimes fear that there's not a sincere effort coming from them
to find a real cure or true treatment to help you with my friend?
Oh-oh, do you smell a conspiracy
or am I just being paranoid like a schizophrenic ought to be?
It's been a while since I said it. I better give it another shot.
I'm Schizophrenic. There, I said it again, so once again I am not.
Medication for me has never ever done the trick.
It just makes me nauseous, leaving me feeling very sick.
I'm proud to say that I'm currently 100% medication free.
I now deal with my pain naturally.
I’ve misplaced my phone,
no I haven’t, I’ve lost it.
It’s nowhere in my home
and no matter where I look, I can’t come across it.
You’ve probably done similar things like that before
like leaving your car keys inside your car,
and then locking yourself outside your car door.
I lost my phone, wallet and cash within the course of a week
and then suddenly it hit me like an unexpected rain.
This is my unprofessional conclusion to all of my confusion,
Schizophrenia Sympathy Pain.
Much like the loved ones who witness the terms of pregnancy of their beloved,
they often experience sympathy pregnancy pains as if it were real.
When it comes to Sympathy Pain, Schizophrenia also has it covered.
IT got a huge helping of the Sympathy Pain deal.
I used to watch my poor son, stricken with this horrible thing,
pacing and laughing and talking without a care.
He seemed so happy and this picture would be perfect, if not for one thing.
He was carrying on with someone who just wasn’t there.
One day I happened to accidentally videotape myself.
I forgot that my camera was still recording me, but all just the same,
I once again caught a glimpse of my ailing mental health.
More Schizophrenia Sympathy Pain.
There I was just like he, rambling on endlessly,
talking out loud to no one. I was home all alone
and as if in a competitive race, just like he I would pace
with vocalized imagined conversations of my own.
Even though I realize that I was just talking aloud to myself,
and that unlike he, I was always aware, no one else was there.
Still, Schizophrenia Sympathy Pain creeps up on me with the greatest of stealth.
Schizophrenia Sympathy Pain will always be my cross to bear.
Schizophrenia Sympathy Pain will always haunt me and continue to remain
While My Son suffers with REAL Schizophrenia Pain.
Chemo Session 3 – Aborted
For those of you who are keeping track
I went up for Chemo – they sent be back
My platelets didn’t do so well
They sent me home to rest a spell
I’ll have to try again next week
I hope my platelets reach their peak
If not then we’ll just have to see
When I can get session number three
Mdailey 6/15/11
Chemo Session 3
Chemo 3 just one week later
Found me just not a spectator
They took my blood, I met the goal
The chemicals are on a role
I sit and ponder as it stings
I wonder just what this one brings
Mdailey 6/22/11
Chemo Number Three
I finished chemo number three
It wasn’t all that hard on me
Today I tried for chemo four
They sent me home just like before
My platelets once again were low
My blood recovers way too slow
They said another week of rest
Would once again be for the best
I kind of think they’ll change my plan
To something that my blood can stand
Maybe three weeks in between
Will be the norm – will be the scene
But let’s get back to chemo number three
That wasn’t all that hard on me
My stomach rumbled up and down
As if I’d been spun round and round
And just like clockwork came the cramps
That go along with the bathroom dance
The jaw that hurts when I first chew
The cold that tingles lips came too
And this time there’s a brand new thing
That chemo number three did bring
My left hand feels like it’s asleep
A tingling feeling way down deep
But chemo three is in the book
I wonder now how four will look
Mdailey 6/6/11
Darkness creeps in through the creveces
Soaking the edges of my bright life with an unruly stain
I thought I had left it far behind me
But i found the stain too strong to remove completely
A slow moving storm trying to engulf my once happy world
Now which has become a dark nightmare I plead to wake from
A word can be erased but the indent from its pressure will always be there
And how can one remove such a mark
Forgetting is impossible
Running Unbearable
Giving in Unexceptable
I will forever be in it's ever darkening shadow
Such grim claws crushing me in their grasp
How could my body betray me so
Letting illness breach their sturdy walls
Once i was cancer ridden and sickly pale
My wishes are strong but
I cannot find myself a Wishing well
Don't let it happen again
PLEASE
Let it all be a bad dream
Let me still be healthy
Give me a light that will forever blind this darkness knocking at my doors
But if it is true
And I have come to repat history for a third time
Give me piece of mind
Let me live at least a life will fullness
And not one ruled by hospital beds
My fights have been fought conquered and won
Twice I was so lucky
If I should go to battle a third time
Pray that luck has been bestowed upon me a third
My light will never be snuffed
I shall shine as brightly as a thousand stars in a pitch black world
My darkness will always be here
But So will I
At least I know I will Try
Until The very day I die
My body’s friend, the Chiropractor
gives me exactly what I’m after.
A reduction of serious pain
in my skeletal frame is my aim.
To be enabled to be able
keeps me mentally stable.
For years in my pain, Doctors said “no don’t go,
those Chiropractors are your foe!”
So doctors fed me pain pills and charged me too much,
talked of expensive therapy, operations and such.
Possible fusing could be motion losing.
The therapy never did the trick,
And the pills just made me sick.
So I tried to be believing and nice,
but went against the Doc’s advice
because I could barely walk
and had to work,
my body in shock.
Saw that Chiropractor, took his advice
and at a very reasonable price.
That was my first whose name was Dr B.
He helped me immensely.
The pain left quickly.
I was no longer sickly.
My current Chiropractor uses an activator,
He’s a dedicated rejuvenator.
A friend recommended him twelve years ago,
For needed maintenance, I still go.
So many times to my elation,
he’s saved me an operation,
because of the sensible characteristic,
That his Chiropractics are holistic.
Doctors have their place and if it needs be so,
My chiropractor will tell me to go.
So Doctors, curb your pride and make the confession,
CHIROPRACTICS is a Most Noble Profession !
copyright : Written by Robert A. Dufresne 7/23/11
( A heart felt thanks to my Chiropractors, Dr B. in Vt.
and Dr. R. S. here in Florida. God bless you both. )
I am me
And no one else
Better to be
Than anyone else
But that is not what they see
Because all I am now is my disease
They look my way
And see nothing but whats wrong
They stare at me closely
Wondering if I have long
But I am not this sickness
I am someone of interest
Still, that is not what they see
They can only think of my disease
They look at me sadly
Eyes filling with tears
They want to hug me so badly
And tell me I have years
But I want to talk about the moon
About my dog's latest trick
Or how I played on the sand dunes
I am not this sickness
But someone of interest
Yet, they don't want to see
They only want to think of my disease.
I fill up my days
So I sing and dance
always running and playing
And planning to visit France
Yet they say to be careful
They wouldn't want me to tire
Or do anything hurtful
They must think I'm a crier
Because to them I am this sickness
Not at all a person of interest
And they don't want to see
Anything but my disease.
I am me
And no one else
Better to be
Than anyone else
I am determined to be just myself
No matter what others may think
I will not sit safely up on the shelf
Dreading every day if I'm on the brink
So don't look at my sickness
But see a person of interest
And don't say, “There's the poor girl with cancer...”
But instead, “There's the girl who's a fearless dancer...”
8:12 The machine carries me
Where I need to go
8:30 Not so loud
Please
Not so loud
8:55 I wish for sleep
Sleep is not an option
Must medicate
Arise
9:10 He looks upset
I promised him it won't happen again
He hates it when I lie
11:00 My eyes hurt
They feel burdened
And heavy
12:00 Chicken salad on whole wheat
Lettuce, tomato, light mayo, pickle
Bottle of Diet Coke
1:00 For the love of all that is good
This can not be happening to me
2:30 He seemed happier to speak to me this time
He seemed pleased
I'll have to try harder
5:05 I'm not stopping
I don't care about your cause or
Why you want my money
Please leave me alone
7:00 I wish for peace
Peace is not an option
Must medicate
Down the hatch
9:15 I could stay like this forever
Silent and
Still
10:30 Give me your strength Angel Girl
And I will give you mine
1:30 I wish for sleep
Sleep is not an option
Must medicate
Breathe in the air
You came into my life, before I was born.
How could I know, our relationship was to be forlorn?
I knew in my heart, I should just walk away.
Time I was thirteen, you were here to stay.
I thought it was cool, never going by all the rules.
I was the hippest, never no ones fool.
You were with me everywhere I would go.
New friends, you would get to know.
Dad was in the Service, often we would move.
Long as I had you, I could find a "New Groove".
You went with me everywhere that I went.
Dad, died on his Birthday, he was fifty-one and Heaven sent.
I made a promise to him, one I never kept.
I should have listened, but now I regret.
Mom died young, not even a year later, from secondhand smoke.
I thought at the time, that had to be a joke.
I now have C. O. P. D., I do not want the people to see...
Me, stuck on an oxygen machine, with a forty foot hose.
Thinking how bad the Tobacco Companies and smoking,
really have got to go!
Comments: C.O.P.D. is Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease)
This is a revised version of a poem I wrote a few years ago. I guess with this
I want to get across how Smoking takes it's tole on families. This is my true story, I hope
some can see what it does and can stop the madness. Judy
There was something odd about this stranger
She called herself a holistic healer
But truly there was nothing “holy” about her
“Bring me an eye of a young newt,” she said
“Two toads that haven’t recently been fed
Be sure to include a Vampire Bat’s head”
“But I just have a problem sleeping in bed;
Shouldn’t I drink chamomile tea instead?”
The scowl she offered filled me with great dread
“You asked for my help; do you really want it?
You risk seeing your name in an obit.”
She scared me to action, I must admit
It took some work, but when I returned
Over to her all her requests I turned
Thinking a cure I must surely have earned
“Ah,” she said wickedly, “thank you, my dear.”
She handed me chamomile tea in good cheer
So I asked why she’d made requests so *****
“Stick around, you’ve more problems than you know
I have to treat that scaly patch that grows
From the top of your head down to your toes”
Ran out, I did, pledged never to come back
Saw in a mirror skin flaking and black
Vowed to find a doctor who’s not a quack!
The newt, toads and bat caused this reaction
Now I needed a full skin extraction
Paid a real doc big bucks for satisfaction
*Written in honor of Deborah Guzzi's The Road to Wellville contest
What happens when I am lonely
Reality becomes a game
Because everything becomes so phony.
Many times my emotions overwhelm me
This tortures me all day
But you'd never know unless you can
already see.
I sit inside my head
Think about horrible things
And than never make it to bed.
I know I have to get up and clean
That's how I deal with my bipolar
When I'm in a rage and being mean.
I wonder where the day has went
As if I was only on borrowed time
God to me has lent.
There's those days I feel so much energy
and power
But than there's the other days
Where I feel as shy and frigid as a flower.
Sometimes when I go to bed at night
That constant urge sets in
Preparing for fight or flight.
I have plenty of anxiety
So much that I don't eat or sleep
And tend to know no boundary.
I deal with this from day to day
Sometimes I find myself alone
In my bedroom just drifting away.
Life has always left me pondering
Will this craziness ever stop
I think I will always be wondering.
For me sometimes it's so easy to get lost
Into a world you'll never understand
Because it's a road you have not crossed!