Christmas Funny Poems

The night before Christmas my 6-year-old grandson was elated, 
for he knew Santa would bring him bagful of gorgeous gifts  
and he would come...

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Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
—William Shakespeare

Cupid Knocks

War waged with red ribbons and lights of white.
The lights pure, expansive, deep and wide;
and ribbons...

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Santa sang as he approached the streets.
Couldn't wait to give out some treats.
From the window, he looked East.
He saw there was a feast.
Rode back and...

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Frosty

there once was a snowman named frosty
whose figure was round and quite glossy
he danced through the town
till the sun came around
and left poor old frosty...

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Cranberry garlands the Christmas tree
Piña empanadas and gifts of filigree 
Children’s faces aglow
Kissing ‘neath the mistletoe 
Midnight mass tradition with family

    ...

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Christmas geese run loose on corporate lawns
So why should I stand in line at the markets
When dinner is free ranging on asphalt in visitors parking

With...

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Please rate 1-10
(1 Santa would be proud or
  10 A coal in your stocking!)

A white Christmas in Chicagee don't make no sense
Bout time we...

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Two days before Christmas
Finally, it is near
I’m so sick of the chatter and all the cheer
Smiling faces, warm hearts, and hugs
I can only think of...

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Deck the Halls
Whacked the guy that stole my money
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
"Jail's the place for you now, sonny,"
Fa, la, la,...

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Grant me grace
As I fall into this place,
With so much acheived
And so much more to go.

Grant me grace
As I recall my old face,
Such rivers of...

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There is a moment every single year
Such a joyful one without a tear
The tree is up, the food purchased
Delivered present, friends embraced
With time taken out...

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Dasher and Dancer yelled midair
and said to Santa, “We can't fly!
Earth satellites have made a snare
of wireless currents in the sky!”

Then Santa answered, “Use plan...

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Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men, 
In search of a stable.

Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able.
...

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?? Dashing through the mall,
With a coffee in my hand,
Frantic gift-card haul,
This wasn’t what I planned!
Sales are all but gone,
Shelves are looking bare,
How’d I wait...

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Christmas Song parodies 

Feliz Navidad

Police! Oh my god!
Police! Oh my god!
Police! Oh my god!
Put me in handcuffs because I rob.

I Wanna phone call this very...

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