Christmas Funny Poems | Examples
These Christmas Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Christmas. These are the best examples of Funny Christmas poems written by international poets.
the silver birch
it likes to hide
so as you search
at eventide
you find it there with many friends
playing poker through the night
the common oak
a wise old man
an aging folk
since time began
grandfathers of the forest they
speak myth and folklore when they can
the sycamore
with helicopter seeds
sets out its store
among the weeds
then grows to be big and strong
from people’s picnics on which it feeds
the horse chestnut
is the conker tree
the children’s favourite
but too spikey
until they are ready later on
and why kids were late home for tea
the yew
is old
and grew
so slow
its age is in millennia
and battles from the archer’s bow
the hawthorn
its blossom white
and at dawn
as if it snowed all night
then all too soon the white has gone
a desperate case of bad stage fright
the conifer
fir, spruce and pine
a regular
likes mead and wine
to keep it warm in winter then
comes into homes at Christmas time
The night before Christmas my 6-year-old grandson was elated,
for he knew Santa would bring him bagful of gorgeous gifts
and he would come at night alighting through the chimney.
So, if there was one in the new house he wanted to see.
He ran upstairs to look at the roof top, but couldn't find one,
in tears, he said Santa's visit his fate had surely undone.
I assured, Santa would come through the window of his room
that he kept wide open to the freezing wind blowing at night.
At morn, seeing all the gifts by his side he tried to shout in joy,
but his voice was choked, gripped by the biting bout of cold.
Santa sang as he approached the streets.
Couldn't wait to give out some treats.
From the window, he looked East.
He saw there was a feast.
Rode back and had all the sweets.
Frosty got so bored inside on a Monday.
He came out and walked along the way.
He had put on new glasses.
Stood beside a campfire outside the classes.
He cried and watched himself melt away.
Rudolph took Elf on a walk at night.
It was quite dark, his nose shone bright.
Loud Christmas bells made elf's ear slack.
Laughing at elf's ear, nose turned black.
Rudolph couldn't help but run out of sight.
Frosty
there once was a snowman named frosty
whose figure was round and quite glossy
he danced through the town
till the sun came around
and left poor old frosty quite saucy
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
there once was a reindeer named rudolph
whose bright nose would often just show off
he lit up the sleigh
but led them astray
when he stopped for a snack at the bake-off
Santa and the Elves
there once was a santa so stout
whose elves loved to scurry about
but they mixed up the toys
for the girls and the boys
and poor santa was left with a pout
Holiday Fun Limerick contest-
Santa, Frosty, Rudolph or Elf-
set of 3 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Cranberry garlands the Christmas tree
Piña empanadas and gifts of filigree
Children’s faces aglow
Kissing ‘neath the mistletoe
Midnight mass tradition with family
Flights have been cancelled call the hotels!
Humbug to last minute changes and jingle bells
Lil black dress doesn’t fit
BYO Test My Drink Kit
It’s pub night with my standby drinking pals
Merry Christmas
Joyeux Noël
Feliz Navidad
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa!
Christmas geese run loose on corporate lawns
So why should I stand in line at the markets
When dinner is free ranging on asphalt in visitors parking
With a bag of stale popcorn I’d forgotten
Carefully placed upon the ground
Bread crumb leading to that place
Ensuring Holiday dinner on my plates
Please rate 1-10
(1 Santa would be proud or
10 A coal in your stocking!)
A white Christmas in Chicagee don't make no sense
Bout time we skeedaddle, let good times commence
So where to go, my darlin' Maggie and me
As we swig down our egg nog and pack our tree?
The lil' miss and I'll be spendin' this Christmas
Way down yonder on the Panama Isthmus
There's a honky-tonk there on the ol' canal
Tequilla will be flowin' for me and my gal
Two days before Christmas
Finally, it is near
I’m so sick of the chatter and all the cheer
Smiling faces, warm hearts, and hugs
I can only think of one thing,
Bah Humbug
Everyone joyous and being extra kind
One would think they have lost their mind
Red and green decorations everywhere
Gold or silver tinsel, I don’t care
Houses all covered in lights
Attacked by holiday parasites
Radio playing nothing but Christmas songs
Honestly, I find it all tiresome and long
Hustle and bustle for a gift of something dear
I never get what I want anyways,
Slowly, counting down the days until it is over next year
Cinnamon sticks and gingerbread cookies what a stench
I despise it all like the Grinch
Some may say I seem a bit Scrooged
With my cup of hot cocoa and a cold-hearted rouge
Who knows in the midst of it all
Something may spark and I could have a ball
But for now, I look out the window
Gazing at the hideous Santa and reindeer across the street and shrug
The only thing I can think of is,
Bah Humbug
Deck the Halls
Whacked the guy that stole my money
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
"Jail's the place for you now, sonny,"
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
"Grant you pardon? Kill that notion!"
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Toss the key now to the ocean
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Good King Wencelas
Christmas Day has come around
Let's play Dirty Santa
Where your goodwill won't rebound
We'll just go bananas
Be as cheap as we can be
Spend no more than fiver
And I think we all agree
Everyone's a miser
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
A bad girl I've been
Forgive me my sin
Please don't give me charcoal
For the gift swap this year
Grant me grace
As I fall into this place,
With so much acheived
And so much more to go.
Grant me grace
As I recall my old face,
Such rivers of emotions,
Immaculate proportions.
Grant me grace
In slowness and in haste,
For the color and the sound
Are just noisy trains moving 'round!
Grant me grace
For God's Sakes,
It's Christmas Eve!
Can't I just for once believe?
Grant me this grace,
Justin Case.
There is a moment every single year
Such a joyful one without a tear
The tree is up, the food purchased
Delivered present, friends embraced
With time taken out for those in need
Those family visits all now agreed
The moment comes without TV
It happens when nobody else can see
It's silent and peaceful open hearted
You've eaten sprouts, then you farted!
Dasher and Dancer yelled midair
and said to Santa, “We can't fly!
Earth satellites have made a snare
of wireless currents in the sky!”
Then Santa answered, “Use plan B-
come down one level in the sky.
Take care and watch! Don't hit a tree
or steeple top as we zoom by!”
So they both did as Santa said,
though still, they'd be a little late;
made headway now with deer and sled
where techno-waves had low-flow rate!
Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men,
In search of a stable.
Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able.
?? Dashing through the mall,
With a coffee in my hand,
Frantic gift-card haul,
This wasn’t what I planned!
Sales are all but gone,
Shelves are looking bare,
How’d I wait this long again?
This really isn’t fair! ??
Chorus:
Oh, last-minute sleigh,
Rushing all the way,
Why’d I procrastinate?
Now I’ll overpay!
Last-minute sleigh,
Racing through the fray,
Next year I’ll shop early—but
Not today!
?? Amazon won’t ship,
It’s cutting close to time,
I’ll never live this down,
The guilt is now sublime!
Grandma’s scarf’s a bust,
My nephew’s out of luck,
Looks like it’s socks for everyone,
Or cash inside a truck! ??
Chorus:
Oh, last-minute sleigh,
Rushing all the way,
Fighting in the checkout line,
For candy canes! (How lame!)
Last-minute sleigh,
Holiday cliché,
But when we laugh about it all,
It’s still okay! ??
'Twas the night before Christmas at my house
when I heard a noise I knew wasn't a mouse.
And as the kids dreamed fast asleep in bed,
through their window, I saw a flash of red.
I thought raccoons were causing this uproar,
I know what they're like; I've heard them before.
Tipping over garbage cans, they're a pest;
wanting to see for myself, I got dressed.
No one was stirring, so I went to see
what made enough noise to awaken me.
Grabbing a flashlight, I headed outside
where I slipped, landing square on my backside.
Let me tell you, I wasn't in a good mood:
and that fall didn't improve my attitude.
On the roof, I saw reindeer and a sled,
for it wasn't raccoons, but Santa instead.
And Rudolph's scarlet nose was all aglow,
causing a red reflection on the snow.
Santa winked and then disappeared from sight:
believe me, I'll never forget that night.
My wife wouldn't listen to a word I said,
worried that I probably hit my head.
But when I was getting up from my fall,
I swear I heard, "Merry Christmas to all."