"Listen closely," Rumple Stein
cackled, his yellow eyes
scanning the terrified faces
of the children huddled
around the campfire.
"A massive, hairy Bigfoot
stalks the foggy mountains,
sniffing the chilly night air for
a very specific scent."
"This towering beast
possesses a terrible, burning
fury against children who
refuse to do their homework."
"Because some kids don't do
their homework, the furious
monster swore to hunt down
every single lazy child."
"He tracks the scent of blank
pages and hidden schoolbooks
straight to your campground tents!"
"He wants to stomp slacker
kids to a pulp to punish them
for neglecting their daily education!"
He suddenly jumped to his
feet, throwing his hands high
as the wind howled through
the branches.
"And when he catches a lazy
student, "Rumple Stein roared,
"he crushes them with his giant
feet!"
The terrified children
immediately reached into
their backpacks, pulling out
their folders in absolute panic.
They frantically began
scribbling their spelling
words by the dim, flickering
light of the dying fire.
The Abominable Snowman
May try to melt into obscurity,
Yeti remains a glittering star
On the ecological ladder,
After a very, very long climb.
Yes indeed-
Big-Foot is a Leg-Eend
In its own time!
Momo blended in well with the trees
moved fast considering he was walking in brush
we followed this big-foot-like-creature down the Missouri River
It was 1971, we knew he was an anomaly.
Tried to tell people.
They thought we had been smoking pot.
I have never smoked pot
But I have seen Momo, so I know he is real
He appeared taller than other men,
his coverings were made of leaves
he blended in with the trees
we think we found his camp
it was a horrible smelling place
Pith is pithier than pithy
-it’s not a question of if.
You know atoms are tiny
when you get at ‘em.
Sometimes they’re the point.
Meanings have layers
like lasagna.
Two or three should suffice.
Any more is a little less nice.
Less is more is the better
advice.
But I sense I said that twice.
Lasagna and spaghetti
go to together like a Yeti
and Big Foot.
So maybe skip the spaghetti.
Are you aiming to have a carb overload?
You better avoid that road.
I like little feet as opposed to a big foot
-they’re tinier.
More minor.
Less dimensional.
They can be on point
-and that’s plane to see.
I could say more but I don’t see
the point,
in that case.
woodland wild conceals the sasquatch
wire-fur man, to hunters, a scarce watch
runaround trails remains the sassy catch
if only, if only... but bigfoot strides quick
wondering if found, we could ask what?
The Abominable Snowman
May try to melt into obscurity,
Yeti remains a glittering star
On the ecological ladder,
After a very, very long climb.
Yes indeed:
Bigfoot is a leg-end
In its own time!
Bigfoot Emerges After the Fall of Humanity
After the bombs stop falling
After the nuclear winter
After the collapse of civilization
All that remains
Are a few scattered bands
Of humans
Many are reduced
To starvation
Bigfoot who are the descendants
Of the Neanderthals
Who lived on
In the mountain wilderness
Came down
And took pity
On their human cousins.
They soon began
A new, kinder hybrid civilization
Based on the smoldering ruins
In the ancient era
Which was soon forgotten.
Except in the few university towns
That kept some of the knowledge
Of the past alive.
Particularly solar and wind power
Which was soon everywhere
As was a rudimentary internet.
Linking the college towns
The nearby markets
And the remains
Of the old central governments.
New countries slowly emerged
New trading routes
And civilization slowly recovered
It took hundreds of years
Amid the new ice age
That settled down
In most of the world.
I am misunderstood
prey to the human hand
I am as scared as you are
as I look up and see the upside down abyss
I call the night sky
I hope that one day I walk through the stargate
passing an angel who sings a hymn
in preparation for my arrival
men with guns come and go
an ellipsis that never stops
the fur on my face is wet
dripping with the salt of my tears
I go back into hiding
waiting for the traps and tribulations of tomorrow
Driving late one night in my car
I hadn't gone very far
A bigfoot jumped right in front of me
Those big eyes were all I could see
He was big and bushy and that's not all
Had no neck and was ten foot tall
Turned and jumped in one leap
Into the woods dark and deep
Flashing lights appear my rearview mirror
It seems a state trooper is also here
I said what I saw was very un-nerving
That's the reason why I was swerving
The trooper looked at me and shook his head
Then I heard the words I've come to dread
"Maybe bigfoot can post your bail"
"And get your drunk ass out of jail"
Wilderness harbors many secrets;
Cryptids among the others there;
Big Foot’s seen there by many.
It could be half human;
Some want to kill and
Study Big Foot.
What if it’s
One of
Us?
I saw Bigfoot in the wood,
Just a shadow where he stood,
A giant standing in the dark,
Vanished without leaving a mark.
Howling, knocking, crashing thru trees,
A shiver up my spine and a knock in my knees,
People say I am as crazy as you can get,
What I saw I'll never forget.
If you find yourself alone in the trees,
Smelling some flowers and enjoying the breeze,
You may sense that you're not alone,
But right in the middle of Bigfoot's home.
To all Bigfoot hunter enthusiasts,
who want to kill a bigfoot and prove that they really do exist.
If DNA tests prove this creature to be of the *****genus,
then under law you have just committed murder genius,
and under law I will see to it that you suffer the consequences.
the hunt for bigfoot
is never a hoot
for some do believe
just like Jim and Steve
some day they'll have their
before it all goes poof
Hey, I've got me a plan to survive World War Three
And it doesn't involve living deep in the sea
With a mermaid named Maddy from that '80s movie
Or a grey-skinned E.T. hoping to crossbreed with me.
There's a bunch of big blokes known as Bigfoot to some
And they live in the woods where most humans won't come
Though they've entered our culture as the years have gone by
They are still seen as legends and old myths, that's no lie.
See, in spite of their fur and their size they're quite smart
For their fondest desire is to live well apart
From us primates who ravage the Earth without pause
Like the virus that spreads through its host - just because.
Called by Yeti and Sasquatch and still other things
They refer to themselves as "Jemah" and are beings
Who, unlike the poor bipeds that include me and you,
Can converse without speech, like our pets often do.
Though the tallest are known to have grown to nine feet
And they stink like old garbage, not to mention dead meat
I shall fashion my life on this heavenly lathe;
I'll make Sweet Thing my wife, and I won't have to bathe.
Bigfoot and I
I yearn for your touch,
I live for your kiss,
And yet our occurrence is short lived.
Snow keeps me from you,
Mountains keep me from you,
Swamps keep me from you,
So much so, I can only dream of us meeting.
Yet I know one day we'll meet again.
Where the sky touches land,
Where snow turns to grass,
And it is here when I am myself.
Your gaze stops blood.
Your screech makes skin crawl,
Yet I can’t gaze upon you,
But I’ll wait forever to see you.
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