Best Witty Poems
Most people are easily bent out of shape
Like Paperclips
Because they can't hold it together
Like Paperclips
My words are weapons so I lock & load
My Paper Clips
I bet your two cents is worth less
Than a Paperclip
I met a lovely lady and her name was Pretty,
I wanted her badly so I had to be witty,
She now resides in my mind,
Our lives forever entwined,
Now the song in my heart is this here little ditty.
Witty darkness spread her arms
talking in colored tongues
she opened her blanket wide
and covered everyone
warm, cool, calm, soothing
what a great feeling!
Her breath was life
even where light migrated
promises were prophetic
even if she was no prophet
deeds full of kindness
even if she was not an angel
But wind blew without mercy
blanket tore apart
darkness opened her eyes
no one knew till then
that her eyes were full of sores
and the mouth belched fire
the comfort that was
the soothing tongue that was
the promises that were
vanished and the land
became Golgotha!
~Nancy Kay Lee~
(1712-1752)
Boston, Massachusetts
Herein lies a lady by the name of Nancy Kay Lee
Who just climbed a very tall tree.
A twig caught up her dress 'round
And she just fell all the way down.
Dorian Petersen Potter
Ladydp2000
Copyright@2014
10.4.2014
I’ve never really needed ice cream,
just the mention and other’s eyes beam!
Ate a spoonful with such ease,
then my eyes bugged from brain freeze!
I’d rather sit back and watch y’all scream!
@-->----
I once met an psychic Gypsy
Who warned me not to get tipsy
I always got drunk
But who would have thunk
I'd end up in Mrs. Shipsea*
*Mississippi?
Sir Calbot NewGate
(1214-1262)
Scotland
Here lies a cheater by the name of Sir Calbot NewGate.
He was caught cheating with a young maiden called Kate.
His mad wife just pushed him into a moat
And he drowned for being a nasty old goat.
Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright2014
10.3.2014
Herein lies Cornelius Gus Huss
Who wanted more muscles and then plus
Til one day he had more of his "juice".
It killed him when he combined it with booze!
Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2011
September,24,2014
Run with fine pun
Fun in the sun
Ploy works fond toy
Joy meets small boy
Know fun that shows
Grow where change flows
Spice up the nice
Dice that stray vice
Stake what you make
Shake out the fake
Dread halts the spread
Dead lines feel dead
Wit in sure bits
Fit in swift grit
Mine in odd lines
Pine for thoughts fine
Leon Enriquez
25 October 2916
Singapore
My T.V. just left, said he was
Gonna go out and catch a real movie...
Those on T.V. stations have grown too trite,
My refrigerator told me,
He ain't letting me in no more...
At least till I drop 20...
I guess I'm a frightful sight...
Things are seemingly becoming,
So very, very odd..
I don't know, what of it, I should make...
It starts every morning,
When my bed kicks me out,
Before I'm half-way awake...
My electric razor merely adds to my beard,
Aspirin only adds to my physical pain,
It's getting mighty weird...
And that's only a small portion,
Of the bizarre things that I can't explain...
I didn't have a twenty,
To appease my angry 'fridge
So I tried feeding it a fifty...
Through those mysterious bottom vents...
It ate the bill up at once,
And said it could not make change...
My, things were getting awful strange...
My toaster, which apparently
Felt some pity for me...
Started popping out singles,
Unfortunately, burnt to a char,
I began to feel my mind,
Had spent six weeks of
non-stop drinking,
In some filthy dockside bar...
My A/C only works...
On the coldest winter days,
My can opener will only open..
Cans of gross carrots and peas:
My mixer is so mixed up,
Everything comes out
Solid as a brick...
And my dish washer is
Quite a villain...
Washes only paper plates,
And that ain't so thrillin'
It's always up to some mean trick,
Like shooting out the water,
Maybe it thinks it's a floor washer,
The whole thing just makes me sick...
My refrigerator's ice dispenser
Only dispenses Swedish meatballs...
My toilet cover won't open up for me,
Said it's seen enough of my sorry _ss,
Even my flip-flops are flops..
And my phone line is tapped,
For some reason,
By the cops...
My local supermarket,
Only allows me two aisles...
One with toilet paper and plungers,
The other strictly dog food and cat litter..
My microwave no longer waves at me,
Merely gives me the finger...
How much more on this world,
Must I linger?
I don't get no respect...
It aint easy being me..
So move over, Rodney,
I'll be joining you real soon,
Maybe the two of us,
Can find refuge on the moon.
I am dying and that's fine
Because You are also dying
Albeit more slowly and less frequently
But misery loves company
So, I count you into my suffering
For me I prefer to get it over with
YOU ARE DEAD
MOSTLY BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU MORE
THIS WAY WE DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GONE
BUT MAYBE WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
WE JUST NEED GOD TO REALLY BE UP THERE
But the will to jump off this story is faltering
Let the tale decide my time of no glory
Playing secondary roles in all your synopses
I live to die again tomorrow in the morning
For you let it happen just slowly
To allow you to keep doing it seminally
It matters yes but only in a jiffy
Good thing is it will be over finally
And we will all understand my mutterings
I am dying you are dying we are dying
A defiant chant to remind us of living
And that’s fine and comforting
I am dying and that’s fine
Because you are dying too
Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men,
In search of a stable.
Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able.
Protruding eyes turn around; ball in socket.
It just jumped out of Dad’s coat pocket!
Visibly disturbed, it is not to lose its wit.
A new shelter it must find in grooves, sunlit.
Catch it! It fools us leaving its tail behind
to make a clean escape, leaving us blind.
Try looking for it among creeping bean;
it is much wiser for it has turn green!
Rhyme scheme: aabbccdd
Let's say we have capitulated
yes, let's say we have succumbed
to their whimsical naivété and inane wisdom
Let us assume that it is all phoney
that it is a bogus hoax-filled folklore
We shall now pretend that we have been beguiled by such marvelous
exercise of ludicrous folly
Such bombardment of contorted philosophy
But in our gullibility we shall yet ask
in sheepish inquisition and meek certainty
if this course so pitiably slandered be nothing but deceit,
why then does it stand conspicuously so therapeutic?
why has it made men
who traversed through the impossible vortex of
reality's odd challenges?
why has it given Invigoration with hope
the haggard Destitute?
Why has it restored green to those fallen human twigs
Why has it steadied nerves and halted addictions?
Why has it healed the sick and made disappear tumults?
Why has it prognosticated that which we now perceive
Does nothingness do that
Does nothingness tender an insight so revealing,
So infinite.
Does nothingness and baseless belief
deliver from the vague labyrinth of man's ordination
if these be true
Who then doubt's the veracity
Why then disprove religion
Forbidden nectar taste so sweet
She smiles as I play in her garden of eden
Her lips pucker anxiously, but her face remains completely still
Body grabs have escalated dramatically
Slow and steady has transitioned into aggressively rapid
She is the completion of a strenuous journey
To go where many have only dreamed
Selective service of pleasure
Duty calls for the firm and rigid soldier
Playing civilian, she salutes for her commanding officer
Yes Sir!