Just a Witty Bitty, From One So Silly

My T.V. just left, said he was Gonna go out and catch a real movie... Those on T.V. stations have grown too trite, My refrigerator told me, He ain't letting me in no more... At least till I drop 20... I guess I'm a frightful sight... Things are seemingly becoming, So very, very odd.. I don't know, what of it, I should make... It starts every morning, When my bed kicks me out, Before I'm half-way awake... My electric razor merely adds to my beard, Aspirin only adds to my physical pain, It's getting mighty weird... And that's only a small portion, Of the bizarre things that I can't explain... I didn't have a twenty, To appease my angry 'fridge So I tried feeding it a fifty... Through those mysterious bottom vents... It ate the bill up at once, And said it could not make change... My, things were getting awful strange... My toaster, which apparently Felt some pity for me... Started popping out singles, Unfortunately, burnt to a char, I began to feel my mind, Had spent six weeks of non-stop drinking, In some filthy dockside bar... My A/C only works... On the coldest winter days, My can opener will only open.. Cans of gross carrots and peas: My mixer is so mixed up, Everything comes out Solid as a brick... And my dish washer is Quite a villain... Washes only paper plates, And that ain't so thrillin' It's always up to some mean trick, Like shooting out the water, Maybe it thinks it's a floor washer, The whole thing just makes me sick... My refrigerator's ice dispenser Only dispenses Swedish meatballs... My toilet cover won't open up for me, Said it's seen enough of my sorry _ss, Even my flip-flops are flops.. And my phone line is tapped, For some reason, By the cops... My local supermarket, Only allows me two aisles... One with toilet paper and plungers, The other strictly dog food and cat litter.. My microwave no longer waves at me, Merely gives me the finger... How much more on this world, Must I linger? I don't get no respect... It aint easy being me.. So move over, Rodney, I'll be joining you real soon, Maybe the two of us, Can find refuge on the moon.