Best What A Bummer Poems
Welcome to our ‘British’ summer
It’s raining again – oh what a bummer
Clear blue skies have turned to grey
Think it’s time for a foreign holiday!
17th April 2015
A GUMMY FISHERMAN
By
Kevin L Fairbrother
The sheltered bay disguised what was to come
Around the headland we hit it head on
Four to five meter waves and breaking on top
And a wind that was building making lots of spray
A man takes many risks for a crayfish on his plate
For the pots needed to be pulled from the deep reef
Then baited with a fresh lot of stinking fish bait
Hoping to lure the wily crayfish into the pot
With the sea boiling the boat cut through the waves
Sending water and spray every which way
The fisherman holding on to keep their feet on deck
As the motors strain to keep a forward motion
The fishermen search for the buoys in the white water
As the rolling sea tosses them about like a cork in a bottle
The buoys know sighted make ready to haul the pots up
Hoping that they contain a few crayfish for their effort
There is no color in the first three pots, they are baited
Then tossed back into the rough and deep water
The last pot pulled and on the deck contains one small cray
Not a keeper, what a bummer, throw him back to grow bigger
With head down low kneeling on the deck
The rotten bait smells so ghastly get up my nose
Dry reaching, pale and feeling quite sick
I heave it up and let it flow over the side
Boy oh boy did I let the sickness flow
Breakfast, dinner and tea all in one go
I heaved it up my false teeth went with it
Over the side and into the boiling sea
Feeling miserable and quite ill, we headed back
To the bay and much calmer water
I thought about my teeth now in the water
Maybe a Gummy shark ate them up?
So now I fish the bay with a toothless mouth
And I target the Gummy Shark, hoping in vain
That one day whilst fishing, I will be lucky
And catch the Gummy that has a toothy smile
Papua New Guinea's answer to US President Obama
Was the 2011 duo that we liked to call O'Namah
They gave us two GG's, two PM's, two CJ's and much drama
But come election time they split-up, what a bummer!
For competition 'subject- Mars', sponsored by Joe Maverick
As I sit with my bucket and spade
looking at the sand castle I've made
no rain comes from the sky
no black clouds passing by
well at least it won't biodegrade.
The wife lies close by she looks cute
sun lotion rubbed on her space suit
she's started to wail
that she can't do her nails
it takes two hours to take off her boots.
Since I bought one, two minutes have passed
but my ice cream is melting so fast
I should have been wiser
it's covered my visor
no wonder I'm getting harassed
Our kids over there have just called
they've been foolishly playing football
but the gravity's low
so how far did it go?
no chance of recovering it at all.
Well, this is one hell of a summer
as holiday's go, what a bummer
the wife won't rejoice
because this was her choice
so next year we'll go somewhere less dumber.
22 June, 2015
As the world turns
my stomach does too
knowing that all my children
are confused, unemployed
and young and restless
all the day through,
and my husband of 30 years
decided to leave me
for someone younger,
says hes going through
a mid-life crisis,
what a bummer….
found out my best friend
Pam was in a traffic jam
where she got hit by a car,
went to visit her in the
hospital, but didn't
make it very far,
got a speeding ticket
for doing 60 when I
should have been doing 35,
finally made it to the
hospital where my
friend was still breathing
but barely alive,
meantime her family called
a pastor in to pray just
in case she didn't survive,
so I said a silent prayer and
with tears streaming down
took her hand and
bid her farewell,
and during the drive home,
thought about Pam
and how she was so kind,
and then for some reason
flashbacks from the previous week
kept popping into my mind,
then when arriving home only to find,
my neighbor meeting me
looking upset and angry outside,
telling me he was going
to sue me,
because when I was away
our big oak tree did sway
and fell upon his car in
his driveway…
as if that wasn't enough
I went to the mailbox,
where I found a strange letter
that was made out to me,
so I opened it up
and sure enough
discovered it was from
my long lost daughter,
saying she was now 31
had her own illegitimate son
and that she wanted to meet me,
went in the house
and before I knew it
the doorbell rang
and she stood there
all ready to greet me,
I just gave her a hug
and explained why I
had to give her up
when she was just a baby,
she just gave an understanding
look and asked "who is my daddy?"
I said I'm not really sure dear
it could've been Tom, Dick or Larry,
said those were the years
I was confused beyond tears
of which fella I loved the most,
she said Mom there must be
a way just call them all and say
I want a paternity test done…
so as I watched my long lost
daughter leave and drive
over my pet cats tail,
I just think to myself
"oh its just another normal day,
where I hear dramatic music play,
in a place called Kanoga Falls."
Not My “Buddy”
When my friend Nancy moved to a new apartment
For the remainder of her Senior year
Her doggone dog “Buddy” was not allowed
As she asked for my help, I was moved by her tears
A tiny brown mutt who wore a red bandana
Was not a visitor I wanted to take in
But she thought her dog was the top banana
To ease Nancy’s concerns, I finally took him
He was supposed to come with food and instructions
Never before had I provided for a dog’s care
But when Nancy drove up and Buddy arrived at my house
His food and care guide had vanished in thin air
My cats were upset, hid under the couch and bed
As Buddy sniffed around the house for playmates
I called Nancy when Buddy tore up my new rug
She said he was lonely and just needed a date
Nancy suggested I take him on car trips
Buddy fancied himself to be a world traveler
But dog smells linger and I gave him no rides
So he found vengeance by climbing into a sewer
The nine-month school year lingered forever
By now my cats had taken to escaping in trees
When June finally came, I couldn’t wait to say goodbye
But that’s when Nancy sobbed and moaned, “Oh, pretty please.”
Her mother didn’t want Buddy at her house either
And Nancy asked me to keep him all summer
When I replied, “No, he needs to spend time with you”
I quickly lost my best friend, what a bummer!
My toilet was blocked, what a bummer
I texted Curtis, he’s a plumber
He got out his long rod
Gave my blockage a prod
If lucky t’will be fixed by summer!
The plumber has read a food thesis
Why faeces aren’t falling to pieces
If you go the whole hog
You will poop a bog log
Our diets needs more oils and greases!
Occupation chosen Plumber
Limerick's poetry Contest by Joseph May
syllable count 9.9.6.6.9 both poems
checked with how many syllables
1/4/19
The girl had her groove on she
laughed a lot and was hip and
not too heavy going. At seventeen
I needed an old lady to go to the
prom with. Not wanting to wipe
out on my first try I caught the
groove, Taking my time, this chick
was bitchen from top to bottom,
But I had a gnarly set of nerves
because I woke up with a zit on my
nose, what a bummer. I didn't want
her to think I had cooties so I waited.
The time came to ask her. Well, after
all this feeling like a dork, she said
yes she would love to go.
Wow what a gas, I flipped out.
There's a dinging in the kitchen,
There's a ringing in my head,
Someone's singing in my closet,
But, I fear the tenor's dead.
There's a clatter in my cupboard,
There's a matter unresolved,
There's a tiny pitter patter
Which is screaming up my hall.
There's a titillating teeter—totter
Slamming up and down.
And the bumpiness alone,
Just slid my grin into a frown.
Someone call the proper people,
Shut the silence off and then
Call the plumber, what a bummer,
I am dripping wet again.
All this screaming and complexity.
This damned insipid stain,
Is deplorable, abhor able
And driving me insane.
And the sum of all this madness
Has my tongue and guts in knots.
So you do all the talking...
Because I forgot the plot.
Miss Spring arrived quite early today...
She brought with her some rain..Hooray...
Her job description is to assure...
That the garden will endure...
All the habitants needed...
And even the seeded....
Her first assignment of her duties..
Will be to match up all the cuties..
Like Azaleas , Iris, Pansies and more...
a Rose with a Rose...and even more...
A home for everything, even Anthills...
Right next to the bright yellow Daffodils...
However even the flowers have rebels who seek,
Pleasures that are.. that of the weak...
And sometimes it is beyond Miss Springs grasp..
That “ new” faces show up...with no names..Alas !
You hear them in whispers..when the wind blows threw the grass...
They are the “ love childs” produced by the rebels you see...
they are called “ Wildflowers “ and picked by both you and me...
But, it’s not here where the story ends...
Cause even Miss Spring has a “ seedy “ side my friends...
And as the months pass...she too changes..
Sometimes even exchanges..
And sells herself out..what a bummer..
She gets “ hotter “ and changes her name...to Summer
Once upon time, come every summer
Vacation travel was so much funner
Now I must stay close to home
Share with my dog a bone
O man, life today, what a bummer!
Just a little of this
Just a little of that
I am in a crazy mood today
Why do you call it
When you call it?
Because if you don't
Nobody will
The sun lasts forever
Forever the sun will last
Me - a second
Just kidding
Don't like it too hard
Jimmy Choo who?
It's a perfume my friend
Men's or women's
It doesn't matter anymore
Why do you say that?
No matter
What a bummer
What? What's that?
What's the matter?
What did you say?
It's the sun baby
In one sitting
I want you to say
And It is now the first day of spring
The Flowers are starting to bloom
You can now hear all the birds sing
In the early Hours, humming there tune
You could though say what a bummer!
Out are the pesky flies and bumble bees
But then it's soon here, that is summer
Now blue Skies is what one now see’s
When people will be Basking in the sun
Because everything’s now shining bright
Children are Playing having lot's of fun
It's said to be ninety degrees feainheight
Before the Flowers begin to wither away
And the autumn leaves fall from there trees
I'm told there's now heavy Showers today
But also there's a strong easterly breeze
The forecast said Snow but instead it's rain
Now people are looking around for shelter
You can hear it spitting on the Window pain
We're then told it's lighting and now thunder
The Season when temperatures are freezing
But soon to be winter though gone the storm
Still it dose give one a Reason for hibernating
Now everyone’s indoors trying to keep warm.
THIS WAS ALREADY ON SOUP IT WAS actually TWO DIFFRENT POEMS
BEING WINTER BLUES AND SEAONS i LOVE WHICH i FELT WENT ON A BIT
BUT LIKE OTHERS iVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF REEDTING CHOPING AND CHANGING
JUST FELT WHEN PUT ON HERE LIKE OTHERS i JUST THEW ON HERE WITHOUT
GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT i THINK THIS IS A GOOD DEFINISIO0N OF THE SEASONS]
PROBABLY SOUNDS A LITTLE EMPTY UNLIKE ORIGOINAL TwO THOUGH WITH THIS TRYING TO MAKE
MORE UNIVERSAL original ideas 2002 and 2009 written and rewriitn feb 2013
BY MY SELF DAVID SCOTT ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
It’s the curse of the bent over plumber
Those who look say “Oh what a bummer”
It’s so silky and white
It must glow in the night
Hope it tans by the end of summer
©5/5/2023
September 26, 2014 , 11:49 am Acceptance DALLAS, TX 75241
It's so nice to be accepted, and they added this nifty bar code.
September 26, 2014 , 5:14 pm Departed Post Office DALLAS, TX 75241
I"m off on the adventure of my life
September 29, 2014 , 7:06 am, Arrived at Post Office, LEHI, UT 84043
They told me I've arrived, but I've been talking to the other packages
The other packages told me I'm in Lehi, I want to go to Pleasant Grove
Help!!! Help!!!! Help!!!!
September 29, 2014 , 8:07 am, Sorting Complete, LEHI, UT 84043
Wow, a ride on a conveyor belt, what a thrill to be a package
September 29, 2014 , 8:17 am, Out for Delivery, LEHI, UT 84043
I'm on a tour of postal routes, anybody here go to Pleaant Grove
September 29, 2014 , 8:29 am, Arrived at USPS Facility, LEHI, UT 84043
I thought I had a one way ticket, what's this round trip business???
I may as well enjoy my time in Lehi, no telling if I'll ever see it again
I think I"ll just turn over and get some rest
Still here in Lehi
Hopefully I'll leave soon
Another day in Lehi,
Maybe if I jump up and down the postmaster will see me
Still another day in Lehi
I raise my hand to get someone's attention
Oh My Gosh, I've got no hands what will I do???
The postal worker just threw me on a gurney
I'm out the door on my way to a new adventure.
October 7, 2014 , 7:20 am, Arrived at USPS Facility, SALT LAKE CITY, UT 84199
Wow, this building is huge, I better get out my camera to take photos
Oh drat, no camera, he didn't pack it what a bummer
October 7, 2014 , 9:57 am, Departed USPS Facility, SALT LAKE CITY, UT 84199
Your item departed our USPS facility in SALT LAKE CITY, UT 84199 on October 7, 2014 at 9:57 am. The item is currently in transit to the destination. Information, if available, is updated periodically throughout the day. Please check again later.
Did I get to my destination?
Did I ever meet another package so that we could marry and have little envelopes?
What other adventures will I have???
For further updates, check usps.com just use my title as a tracking number