Best Well Hung Poems
Hey Dear, we're here
It's where you've always dreamt
Ever since you slumbered such
In slevering content
Remembering back home
It's somewhere you always declared
You said it would excite you such
Mmm, my trouser leg you'd stare
Of pants and different pants
Your lustering descriptive tongue
Absorbing the poetry from me
Mmm, honestly, am I well hung
Lets go down-town my beautiful
Just like Petulia in song sung
I guarantee, never be scored by me
Where Manhatten hearts, strung
Hey Dear, we're here
It's where you've always stored
Ever since you slumbered such
Whilst slevering, you'll never be bored
27/12/2015
Ok!...
I fell in love again
Yea! Yea! I know after the last love pain.
But this won’t go wrong, it’s… with … a man so it’s not the same
He loves me… I think…
He gave me a little wink
I was hooked from the first time I saw him
Ok… I know how it sounds and how it may seem
But when I stared into his eyes
I was weak and boy you should see his size
I bet he will make any woman quiver
I saw one woman, when she saw him, you would actually see her shiver
I know that this love is the one
Yes men out there, you ask, How can a man love another?
Instead of having me heart broken, in this case I would rather
Anyway this man, is special… he is the one
He ladies and gentleman is my new born son… ?
*Born 11 November 2010, Matthew Ethan Hall
How do I know he is mine?
He is well hung with big…well he is a Hall after all*
Americans come by the clock
A British lass just hikes her frock
The French love a tongue
The Swedes like well-hung
But Left or Right Thai knows Bangkok!
Les Dewett was a gigilo
Who loved to do it really slow
Though he was well hung
The tip of his tongue
Won their praises for Best of Show
I was bored in Manhattan that day
So decided to pay for a lay
He was handsome and young
And was VERY well hung
I walked like John Wayne all of the day
Thanks to James Fraser's Bored In Manhattan poem for the inspiration!
Just make me laugh contest
Sponsored by Christine Lehman
27th December 2015
He never had the luck
nor the down of an evanescent duck,
in this world where the dice is thrown
just another gamble which side of the track.
In his mission statement, he declares
is my love wasted?
A love never returned
yet oh so tired of giving,
in this his life down half way lane
where constantly with love he finds a “Cul de Sac”
his groundhog day,
oh where the embarrassment is just too much.
So life you’re a b*t*h
casting each day unjust spells this condescending witch,
on the net he tried oh God for years, tried
to workout the plot
but i’m no po*no star, he says
well hung i am, not.
So to you, my fair lady, keep your glow on
I’m looking forward to this our first date,
although history reveals, i’ll come across like a fly in your soup
restricted there, where i cannot swim,
hoping it will not be a disaster,
just, another plunge into love
what is your name, i declare my ignorance
Fate she says, and i am aware of your plight
there is some one for every one
i am here to guide your way into love!
© Harry J Horsman 2013
There was a virile wallpaper hanger called Brunn
Who did his best to make every job well done.
His fame spread far and near.
And clients were heard to cheer
“Hire Brunn if you want something well hung.”
My friends have every sympathy
For the lack of romance in my life
but promise everything will be fine
All I have to do if I want to find a wife
is use their favourite chat up lines .
Are you a parking ticket '' cos '' fine is written all over you
Seemed a little corny to me
How do you like your eggs in the morning
gave me a warning
Those chat up lines are not all they should be .
Do you have a map '' cos '' I am lost in your eyes
Almost made me giggle till I cried
If you were a burger you'd be a Mcgorgeous
was said the day that romance died .
I'm gonna have my teeth pulled to make more room for your tongue
Or kiss me so I know what an angel kisses like
Do you believe in execution ''cos '' I'm really well hung
Would have me riding home on my bike .
So I thanked my mates for their best wishes
and their girlfriends smothered me in kisses
as I said I was putting those ideas on the shelf
I'll have more success with the misses
and perhaps get lots more kisses
If I am prepared to be myself.
A lady who loves oral sex
Took to bed 3 cowboys named, "Tex"
One was well-hung
One for his tongue
And the third for his Rolodex
Don’t worry about being thinner
Get yourself off down the pub
Then go home to a good British dinner,
Of British traditional grub
Delicious roast beef of old England
Served up with a thick Yorkshire pud
With roast spuds and cabbage and carrots
Plus gravy in which the spoon stood
What’s wrong with a good stew and dumplings?
Made with some prime neck of lamb
Or a thick slice of home boiled bacon
Instead of that wafer thin ham
Fried eggs and bacon for breakfast
A steak that’s surrounded with chips
Some mushrooms and beans or tomatoes
Can I hear you smacking your lips?
Give me pork chops with a kidney
A helping of wild rabbit pie
With carrots and peas and thick pastry
For which old Auntie Bessie would die
Kippers, smoked haddock or winkles
Mussels or soft herring roe
Jellied eels, tripe or pigs liver
I think I might give it a go
A thick slice of cheddar is pleasant
Coated with pickle of course
Or maybe a plump well hung Pheasant
Plastered with cranberry sauce
Blackberry and apple crumble
A dollop of cream on the plate
This is making my tummy rumble
Give me some quick I can't wait
A big lump of home made bread pudding
Or maybe a nice spotted dick
Served up with syrup or custard
Providing the custard is thick
A stuffed Sheep’s heart makes a good dinner
Or a nice deep-fried black pudding ring
On a slice of fried bread, did you hear what I said?
This is food that is fit for a king
When you’ve feasted on cabbage or brussels
Don’t ever consider you’ve sinned
Just be certain your close friends and family
Are seated some distance up wind
A plateful of boiled new potatoes
Dashed with salt taste exceedingly nice
If you give them a try will you no longer buy
Bean shoots or Chinese fried rice
Avoid all these kebabs and curries
They look like they’ve been eaten before
You’ll be finding them most Sunday mornings
On the pavement outside your front door
Don’t listen to these dieticians
Between themselves they can’t agree
Nobody mentioned cholesterol
Until nineteen seventy three
Make sure all your dinners are British
Now you know the foods that I mean
We never defeated old Hitler
Eating Pasta or Nuevo Cuisine
Control Your Tongue
We mix words then throw ourselves into the flames
At first glance it's but a vapor then to proceed with a mere whisper
A clause to complain to get upset again won't you help me my friend
Control your tongue in the midnight hour through barrowed pews
We look inside having every bit to realize the disguise
A word spoken in the dark has come to the fullest of light
Never relent to ever give up on the fight
You may have to use duct tape for heaven's sake
A sorrowful mystery has been soon discovered
Is it any wonder we have to much time on our hands
Hope you will understand the flight of an eagle soaring in the wind
A new discovery to tell you where you need to begin again
We use our tongues to start a bar room fight
Each of us gets lost in the sauce at the edge of the night
Let's reach inside to find the grand design of a caged barbaric premise
With fire we can egnite the flame of passion with the tongue
The lonely cowboy summons his cattle to come home
Silence falters the beckoning cry for freedoms call
An angelic wish to pause for a kiss this should sweeten the soul
It maybe well hung in the state of fun still control the tongue
At funerals let's use it to stay wise & pause to reflect upon the deceased
In the battle field a soldier has a choice to use it on his knees
Many jails are filled up with people that let loose when they should have melt
It sets on fire those that haven't tamed it's control or desire
Let's embrace love when choosing words fresh out of the midnight air
Gene Simmons from Kiss will use it but that's just entertainment
Control your tongue through every facet of life amidst all strife
Twice in the month (full) then we're blue,
I saw you standing alone, nothing you could do,
maybe by Moon River with your lips in a quiver,
on Mars the canal man said: Stand and deliver.'
Perhaps I could have been called 'Two Moons,'
in the last life - 'I haven't seen you for months,'
then accused of speaking with a forked tongue,
on the trail where a white man had been well hung.
There were long shadows cast by an eerie glow,
with boots swinging and feathers bobbing in a row,
the old man in the moon must have been white,
because no one else could have been quite so bright.
They say that it's not so good to mention Uranus,
however, she's what we've got between all of us.
If I were straight as an arrow, or gay
as a songbird; then I'd consume the time,
exhaust “carpe diem,”—and thus seize the day!
For life's too short; and youth's brief paradigm,
like the spring season, is much more fleeting
than young love (a fact that's best left unknown).
So, you see that I'm not above cheating
fate: growing old and wise is overblown.
Just as wisdom is wasted on the old,
so is youth and love wasted on the young
(as they say): so, if being gray is like gold
in one's twilight years, then my cock's well-hung!
For what's there more to say? Life's just too hard
and short: so make much of its brief reward.
My auntie’s a consummate flirt
and always wears a mini skirt
Uncle sees her toned thighs
and quickly gets a rise
It’s early to bed says old Bert
He deftly removes her silk stocking
And quickly their headboard is knocking
Much to their neighbours chagrin
The party wall’s very thin
Their bedroom antics he finds shocking
Dear Auntie Eth’s ninety years young
(And Uncle Bert’s very well hung)
They’re old, but not wrecks
They adore having sex
Both glad their mattress is well sprung
07/31/21
eye to telescope all night long,
she looks for the Goldilocks zone,
her young new husband six foot strong,
desires her soft flesh on her bone!
married in love just few weeks back,
astronomy gets attention,
muscular torso full six pack,
from her gets no passing mention!
passions are different when young,
for her extra terrestrial,
being male hormones flushed, well hung,
his plans more territorial!
late one night exhausted from her search
she said “ you know Goldilocks zone?”
“Not G zone”! he said from his perch,
“can show you G spot when alone!”
Thanks to the weather in England,
cloudy nights came to his rescue,
he shows her stars now with his wand,
she is in Goldilocks zone new!
Written 18/March/2021
Goldilocks zone poetry competition
Anthony Biaanco sponsored
8 syllables each line 5 quatrains!