Best Unusual Poems
I stepped in for my first colonoscopy. I was nervous everyone could see
I had a choice to be awake or put out if I was skittish...but no not me
I chose the former so I could watch my own ass on TV
They go right up your canal with a camera like an RV
Imagine my surprise when up my butt they found my phone
The tiny ones they use to make before the smart cell phone
But here's the clincher it was set on vibrate. The doc was suspicious
"My wife insisted" I told him "she bribed me with cake. It was delicious"
Then the doctor red faced handed me something, said "what's this"
I borrowed his bifocals. It was a rolled up playbill. He looked pissed.
"I can explain. It's dated Sep. 8, 2001. That's my wife's 40th birthday
We were drinking. We lost it, got a fancy room right after the play"
He handed me one more thing, a broken pencil if you will
"I'm a mathematician. I was constipated I took a special pill
Then I used math to work it out with a pencil. This one I suppose
It broke. I thought I got it all. I guess I didn't. I mean who knows?"
The good news is the test went well my colon was clear
They found nothing threatening just stuff that was *****
I must admit however ever since that very day I live in absolute fear
That doctor knows my wife's father. I tell you this, in case I disappear
10/02/2014
^she_
^she_ had a love/hate relationship with food
she only fed with her eyes,
i was a sparkless firecracker
and spoke English like i hated it.
not the least bit compatible
in any department
at any hour on any menu
she wouldn't even drink the water.
I would slip through the cracks
should she stop staring at me
up and down her beautiful 'it is'
she lit an incense and i was ignited.
i offered up an apple
a yellow delicious manifested
i peeled it for her
but she wouldn't taste it.
i laid eyes on her lips
kissed with dark secrets
an awakening of insects
with equal day and night.
She ate me with her eyes
clear, bright, ripe
it rained on the fruit
and i took a bite.
I spoke to the grain in her ear
i had so much to say
succulent was my speech
She took it all in.
potash, stolen, honey and rye
sup the festal dish don't cry
she had parted the thin line
between a want and it's fill.
I lapsed into that petri-dish
pierced by her green staring
Her warm glassy ogling
all up and down my countenance.
Nourished of palate perception
She relished on her diet.
I indulged as her entrée
feasting her with my gaze.
It would take a while
like a gala supper without wine.
^she_ would have no seconds
no weakness for flavor of the same.
well fed and fed up
she checked me out
her unusual hunger
gave me best regards
No repeats nor duplicates since
such foodstuff is most uncommon
Her daily bread was nurtured
with the edibles of my mind.
The End.
What is this atrocity,
What is this uniquely unparalleled monstrosity,
What is this element with undefined velocity,
What is this singular, peerless challenger of viscosity!
What is this implement: almost an oddity,
What is this matter, a goofy comedy?
What is this contraption; is it a commodity?
What is this apparatus - is it for cosmology?
Why, this foolish widget is a philosophy,
Though it is nothing more than a frivolity.
Why this subject is a gossipy,
That is an answer... just in paucity!
Why this entity is... just a curiosity.
That this item exists; there should be a policy!
Grandma rode a pig one day,
Cause her horse had gone lame,
She rode it down the main street,
Horace was quite tame.
She had a rope around his neck,
Grandma pulled him to a stop,
With bonnet on and hessian bags
She went into the shop.
Groceries bought, she returned
And placed them on the pig,
As Grandma rode past a gawking crowd
Some locals did a jig.
Her horse soon got better,
It was the only piggy trip she made,
But now each year on that day
They hold a lady's pig parade.
Ladies with their bonnets
Sit astride a local swine,
Grandma judges best on street,
I hope she chooses mine.
Loving you is cruel and unusual punishment.
When I met you, I should have started running to a tent.
I simply can't handle it. This is cruel and unusual punishment.
You dropped the bomb on me and I cannot pick up the pieces.
Your love to me was like Red Hots covered in Reese's Pieces.
After I got the sweet peanut buttery treat then the mouth
Of the river of my love got hot from the other layer that
Tastes and feels like the cinnamony Red Hots. It's no longer
Like Folgers it feels good to the last drop but I don't want it
And it want to stop. I feel like calling the cops because loving
You is a crime and it's taking too much time to end this
Love it's cruel and unusual punishment.
1-27-11
The Unusual Ballad of Lily and Pierre
Feline Lily strolled one day
and behold who did she see,
Pierre, the Tom cat of her dreams
under a cherry tree.
She gazed at him, he winked at her
from that day it was their plight,
they were destined for each other
it was true love at first sight
.
She admired his wiry long black hair
on his back a white stripe too,
but she had one little problem
she didn't know what to do.
In certain situations
at any time or given day,
he sprayed a putrid odor
that seemed to never go away.
She didn't know how to tell him
that he really stunk,
and he didn't know to tell her
that he actually was a skunk.
Lily couldn't bear to leave him
and so the story goes,
she chose to wear a clothespin
daily on her nose.
I guess the lesson learned here,
whatever flaws you think you've got,
true love can rise and overcome
WHETHER
you're a skunk or not.
There once was a woman that was very fat!
Her diet resolves, I fear,
Broken each and every year.
Until she put something new under her hat –
It was her food; now, what do you think of that?
© December 22, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen
Wales to me is gloriously enchanting,
filled with history and nature's mystery.
Gifted by heavenly father,
the beauty of wales is unending just like it's rugged coastline.
Full of culture and tradition,
you will get the best crawl here I can say with conviction.
Majestic castles stand aloof,
presenting the Victorian history with proof.
Wales to me is serene and surreal,
makes me wonder what's untrue and real?
Oh! the atmosphere here is so jolly
I feel awe and golly.
There is something different in air!
amicability is filled in this soil even though nowadays it's so rare.
Cruel and Unusual Punishment 8th Amendment
Of particular news was a protrusion
Upsetting people with a serious infusion
About proportion of a pharmaceutical
Enough to raise and curl your cuticle
Cruel and unusual punishment create an exclusion.
This should be blocked and not allowed
to exist in our society. According to
Code of Hammurabi cruel as well as
unusual and capital punishment never
had any effect on people killing each
other. Capital punishment should be
removed from our social etiquette.
What do you think.
Jim Horn
I am an animated spirit,
Living in time and space of unceasing transit
I have learnt to live in worlds of diverse odours and hues
An unusual traveller, a body of unique concepts and views.
I have dealt with figures of assorted cultures,
I have smelt the soil of distinct motherlands,
I travel as an institution of philosophies and customs of my ancestries,
An unusual traveller, well preserved by my society of genesis.
I blend with different beliefs, I live with different masterpieces of the supreme deity,
I am my homeland’s tradition, embracing other’s ethnicity,
I am a glowing soul, empathetic to the altered souls coming on my way,
Yes, I am an unusual traveller, still having my aim far away.
Wherever I go, I have been encompassed as their fraternity,
Embracing their mother tongue have led me to their thoughts of divinity,
I am a messenger, appearing in one’s life for short spells,
And make my presence felt, of this unusual traveller’s.
I may be anywhere, so don’t try to discover me,
If I have not met you, I may be now in someone’s life,
If my itinerary of destiny has your name, we shall meet,
And I will be your angel, this being a word of an unusual traveller to you.
K.S.Lakshmi
Before morning would emerge
The infants stomach became large,
Usual infant's cry became scarce
Where is the mother
Or father?
Tell them to surface.
Mother cried as she saw her babies face,
"Thou unusual thing, where from?
Bring me the broom
Mother needs the broom
In Africa, brooms
Cures gloom And doom.
Mother flogs the infant
Yet she was not triumphant
Weeping became enormous
Like an elephant.
Mother cried a river,
While grand mother sat
In a corner,
Without the sign of anger,
worry, ponder or wonder.
But cherishing laughter.
She picked the broom to
It's position.
Where is the preacher?
Where is the preacher?
Mother seem to remember
Needed is his attention
Tell him to his God, mention.
Grand mother squeezed her face
For things were about to be in place.
The preacher was summoned,
Prayer was altered,
Some one confessed.....
The unusual grand mother
Sibling of Lucifer....
=================
such things really happen down here, we only watch and pray.
The unusual fragrance looms above my room,
Its owner not yet known,
Its purpose still a mystery I assume
Sweeter than any other fragrance I ever own,
Its mood is ataraxia,
Cold soothing scent, texture so smooth,
Like dying in a peaceful euthanasia,
I have it trapped in a booth,
Smells like angels on a spring break,
Dancing gloriously in the water fall,
With a rattling feeling like an earth quake,
Its particles bouncing from wall to wall,
Clogged in my mind is a fog of disconcert,
As I battle my feeling to a perfect stranger,
The feeling of unrest causes discomfort,
As the unusual fragrance puts my heart in danger,
Dictionary describes the word “dactylion”
As the tip of your middle finger
So if someone gives you the dactylion
They're giving you a zinger!
Have you ever been subjected to “gargalesis”
It's described as heavy tickling
Love being gargalesis in certain areas
Might even involve some licking
Do you know a word that accurately describes
Incessant or idiotic laughter
The dictionary describes it as “abderian”
Shaking the room to the rafters
When someone's eyes start to “oculoplania”
They're assessing someone's charms
I've always called it just plain old ogling
Not meant to cause any harm
The dictionary describes “slubberdegullion”
As a filthy slobbering individual
Known a few of these guys in my time
They leave a quite nasty residual
A person who hates smelling tobacco smoke
Is called a “misocapnist”
That's me for sure I'm surely a misocapnist
Probably number one on the list
And now to end with something distasteful
It's the word “krukolibidinous”
It's the act of staring at someone's crotch
What say you, had enough?
© Jack Ellison 2013
Twirling around and around in the Night Sphere
Creepy eyes that scream out for a Partner in Loungerie
Two
plus 2
6 and then Twenty
The Boogeymen of the night
Catching the souls of the departed in flight
Sending them to the loneliest corner of Hell
With a Dunce Cap on every head that read:
HERE YOU ARE STUPID..AMONG THE ZOMBIES AND THEIR DEAD
A quiet empty trio of fools who did not play it cool while they were alive
Who refused to submit to the booze,the Pot,and all that Open Up Jive
Sweethearts on the dance floor where the Dead party all without a smile
Takes us back to that Halloween Trick or Treat town,at least for a little while
Mothers swing their Fathers
The Grim Reapers do their do-si-do
Harper Valley 1-800-NEXT-OF-KIN
Biting Teeth on a Harker Jonathan
Sipping blood with a grinning Mina
She is lovely in that shade of dead
Vein vessel blood all around her neckTAR and thy Head
Here in the ram shackled Studio 50 for DEAD
Dancers are the Boogeyshoes
With one eye alive and the other socket popped out
Sleep Deadly tonight Beneath the full moon and the Tango of cold Harvest Fright
what's different about my days? not a walk in the park
but a gallop around the block, grand
boys in tow, towing me. picking me
wildflowers. we have a spring
in our steps, though mostly housebound.
what about work? the library's closed
to the public, some of us
at home have homework even as we help
our kids do the same. a book review
for me. i must
read a young adult book. i've picked Dandelion
Wine, drinking it up. Ray Bradbury's the poetic author
of this uplifting childhood treat.
busier, more contemplative snippet of time. renewing
my mind with peace, in unusual circumstances.
3/19/2020