Best Toot Poems

Rooty Toot Toot, two men in a boot
Bobbing along on the waves
One was old with long silvery hair
Renowned for being quite brave

The other had pimple on the tip of his nose
He was cross-eyed and cranky at best
“That's an omen!” the old man told him
“Squeeze it,...

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Can't believe I'm penning this mess,
but I must address the gifted poetess,
Jan Allison has a degree from the
distinguished Poot-Toot University,
she has a PhD in Fartology.
An expert she is,
and, gee whiz,
anyone who writes of farts
so funnily,
is the "Queen of Flatulence,"
a PoetrySoup decree!

And yes, I know some...

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Twang toot Fing Foo
Jingle jingle rattle boo
Tiger Tiger splash, squish
Skycrapper’s crashing swish
Wretched retches snorting  snuck
Timtimbuctoo’s belching buck
Whoosh whoosh Winnie Treetree murmur
Croaking frogie's hiss hiss charmer
Punipuni giggles growling grunt 
Oink oink  words' trilling witchhunt...

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Toot, Whistle, Bang, Harrumph


Short days turn into weeks
months melding into years
ever endless changes
the numbers and the fears

new things growing older
wisdom’s elders cast aside
for aging is the future
youth cannot abide.



John G. Lawless
12/29/2015...

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There once was a little Jack Russell
who was as sweet as she was cute
and went by the nicname of hoot.

Now in the evening the
family would gather 
to spend family time together.
Everyone including Hoot was there.

Me on the couch
the kids on the floor
and dad in his...

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I walked deep into the wilderness 
In hopes to get my find 
I was looking for some solitude 
And a little peace of mind 

Then I came across a silhouette 
Of an owl in the moon 
Right then and there I knew that I 
Would...

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I am as toot
As toot as can be
I saw you put that word in there
I saw you take one out
I called the word police
You won't do that again...

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God's zombies just formed an hit squad
For poets whose work is slipshod
"If people don't die
Then angels can't fly!" 
If "truth" is proof, my thoughts are flawed!...

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TOOT SUITE


Alas, as hunters treed their prey
envisioning the feast
gravied meal at end of day
sopped up in breaded yeast.

An ill wind blew
and no one knew
from where it emanated

As sugar in the innards boils
and then - a little toot uncoils...

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Young Chuckie has only one vice
He does it each day, sometimes twice
     While Mum eyes with scorn
     Chuck toots his own horn
He’ll toot your horn too for a price





December 26, 2018
For Tania’s “Bawdy Humor” contest....

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Tom Trumpeteer has the rhythm in his ear
I wonder, can you guess what’s protruding from his rear
It looks just like a trumpet and when he’s eaten beans
He toots a toot with every step, at least that’s how it seems 

He went to the ballroom, the...

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When a baby's born, we toot the horn
   When from this Earth we pass, we play taps

In between, horns herald Kings and Queens
   The onset of war, an ambulance or fire machine

Yet the grandest event at which trumpets sounded
  ...

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If you look for
ugly
You'll See it


If you stare
 too long 
You'll be it

When we
Speak without thinking
to tickle the ear

There is something
to ponder
So as to see clear


When we talk 
Just
to disrepute


A manslayer
We become
Killing a reputation
It is mean spirited fun

Just imagine should
The tables turn
And you be the...

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He can’t see enough of his name in print
Seems public notice feeds his narcissism,
It’s a shame nobody has given him a hint
He feeds on our country’s raw cynicism.

Time will come when surely he must realize
An insufferable bore he’s turning out to be,
He’s not so great...

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Little Jack Marty 
He was a smarty 
Sitting in his second grade online class 
He developed an urge to pass some gas 
When it came out of Little Marty’s shell 
It had that pumping smell 
Hearing the tiger roar as it ripped out the young...

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