Best Snog Poems
Bugger
17th July 2015
Last night my missus gave me some oysters for tea
Was I in for a night of rip snorting whoopee?
I showered and shaved trying to smell like a stud
Her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were desperate so I engaged in foreplay
What old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I groveled I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever give me a little blue pill
I now know it sure won’t be for an evening of thrill.
Her response
So you’re disappointed
That all you got was just a snog
How about make an effort
Stop smelling like grog
I don’t care for begging,
And sexual wee stirrings
Have a shave and a shower,
That'll start me concurring.
Now take your hand off my breast,
Just help me cook the kids tea
Grab the vacuum, do the house,
That’ll be enough foreplay for me
Hang out the washing,
Then feed the pets.
Do homework with the kids
Please now go make the beds,
Scrub all the pots,
Make sure you do the lids
Thank you my dear,
Your help was just great,
It's nice just not to nag
What! What do you mean?
You’re too tired for a shag?
28th September
Silent One's Competition
In response to my first poem
stardom of the year
on its welcoming music
ushers our new dreams
culminate great task
snog the sweet and bitter past
cool somersault starts
blow New Year's trumpets
commence it with smiles and cheers
have a joyful year
May 14,2014 3.30pm
First Place
Contest: Two Haiku (Month of January)
Judged: 6/18/14
Sponsor: My fave poet, Skat
Last night my missus gave me oysters for my tea
I was really kind of hopeful for a night of tumble round whoopee
I showered and shaved, it helps to smell like a stud
But her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were looking desperate so I engaged in some foreplay
Thats the thing that old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I grovelled and I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my best efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever come home, bearing that little wee blue pill
Don't think that I got lucky or had an evening of thrill.
My heart longs to hug
and to snug
In ur warm arms.
Not to be left in darkness.
We used to snog
On the large log,
Feeling ur tenderness
And every sweetness
Of yours lips.
Your swaying hips
Astounded my senses.
There are no pedestals
Reserved in the heavens
For girl wit such outlooks.
You exist in my fantasy
Visiting in my fantasy,
For a gem I have lost.
Heaven's taken my best.
I need no other kiss
But your kiss
From heaven.
The boss had too much egg nog
at the office party. Oh,
She set her goal to snog
me beneath the mistletoe!
With lecherous intentions
she stalks me ‘cross the floor
until she finally pins me
against the bathroom door!
Her boozy breath assails me.
I very nearly swoon!
Her scarlet nails impale me.
I realize I’m doomed!
The darting of her tongue
leaves me in a daze.
Her kiss, so thick with rum,
I better get a raise!
11/23/2013
Tonight I shall call the shining stars
To descend down by your side too soon
And have it engulf the gloomy darkness,
Faintly the light shall snog you,
There you will behold me near you
Invisible in the darkness
For I am a shadow galloping with you
I shall be present as a shadow
Loving you with unabating power.
At mid-night I shall came crawling
Too silent unnoticed by the sleeping world,
No humans nor ghost can trace me
For I am like a clinging dew drops
Flickering upon the rhythm of moonlight
So uncertain of its existence on grass tip
For a ghastly blow can dismantle all,
I shall be present in your dreams
Loving you with vacant dwindling.
At dawn I shall come hovering
Riding on the undulating rays of the sun
Waving and greeting from heart of love,
Steadily I shall pearch on you
For you bask the morning rays too usual,
I shall unhitch the warmth you wanted
And I shall chase the coldness
Back to its snow capped mountain,
I shall Love you always.
The absence of your voice
Kind words, kinder deeds
The radio can continue playing the lovers tune.
The emotions yawn like a tiny stop gap
You reached me, dolphin kisses we shared, eyes locked in our own embrace, every inch of
your face.
Otters ottering about in the pod sharing a snog. Holding hands in the flat as we cooked the
tea, I know you never kissed another as many times as me, In the supermarket, in the car,
cycling, showering, kisses, kisses, kissing me.
I wait for when I;m lonely and it's just me.
Stepping out, the smell of smoke hangs in the morning air,
plastic cones and tubes and sticks are littered everywhere.
Another Guy Fawke's night has gone, bombarding all the senses
the night sky sounds and looks just like the Moscow air defences.
All year we're told be clean and green for the environment
but every November the fifth, I don't know where that went.
Keep down the noise, respect neighbours, can't say fairer than that
but once a year under the bed I try to calm the cat.
If laws are put in place that we can ignore once each year
then maybe, come this New year's eve I can, and without fear,
( although my missus likes the fact my love for her I hog)
go find some boozy ladies for a real good drunken snog.
The river runs it's course, pumping like a vein.
It's a lonely lake's water main.
It doesn't stop to cry, doesn't feel pain,
Just goes and flows, not hearing my woes.
The lake bides it's time, it's in no hurry.
And doesn't share the rivers raging fury -
Nor a drying pond's dying worry.
It sits and waits; rain and run-off it baits.
The rain looks with it's eyes covered in fog.
It cries upon church tops and down in the bog.
Washes the hog while wet lovers snog.
It's tears relentless, an old man is tentless.
A sunny day comes, the lake does shimmer.
Even old goats come out and glimmer.
Young mares suck in to see who is slimmer.
Don't need a Hummer to enjoy a good summer.
Dad went to work on an egg each day
Til one day the egg cracked on the way
Pants covered in yolk
It was not a joke
That his colleagues egged him on, all day.
Dad had an egg every single day
He wouldn't have it any other way
Til he got egg bound
And suddenly found
That he was clucking the day away.
Daddy was fond of his eggy bready
Every morning mommy got it ready
One day she was late
Much to her distaste
He ran off with merry leggy Peggy.
Daddy asked a barmaid for an eggnog
She thought that he was asking for a snog
She took him outside
And to her surprise
He said I was asking where was the bog.
Bogglers, (consumption, distraction)
The snog bogglers of lower snoop
are really rather dull
a spending time smoking duur
and eating till they're full
Bogglers ne'er read to pass the time
but engrossed in snog delusions
fascinating really the boggle mind
it's said, a tad confusing
We all boggle up and down
sometimes side to side
we'll fill our days with wacky-woo
or feel frightened, petrified
But it makes no matter, boggle or no
duur or rue'd distractions
the beating drums of life's snoop
are nought just damned abstraction
Ere the next time you meet a boggler
and feel a need to comment
remember they be like inclined
so shush, enjoy the moment
The brewery's apple provider
Saved Stella Strongbow from a spider
While having a snog
He fell in the grog
And spent the whole evening in cider
Love blossomed ’cause she was a cutie
And, it must be said, quite a beauty
A little bit smart
A little bit tart
And more than a little bit fruity
***
Contest: Two Limericks
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Verse one: Edited for syllable count 28 February 2021
Verse two: 28 February 2021
Checked using Syllable Counter: 9,9,5,5,9 & 9,9,5,5,9
Wet slug
Wants hug
Slime trail
Cocktail
Locate
Slug mate
Damp log
Quick snog
Eggs laid
Slugs made
You pop my heart so heavily to the rhythm of
“like a prayer”from Madonna.
You flare the stars at night
gleaming towards darkside.
You flame the solar sphere; before you,
I became ichor.
You wade your way into heaven;
you're a goddess.
Night with your scarlet lips,
is untamed.
A fluid from your cup is juicy
for it sends me
to cloud nine
dreaming of us in a canvass of artwork
made by rosy poetry
in a setting of dramatic show:
I, Suleiman
You, Ada
playing in Atlantics.
I come with a song,
make from it a dulcet medley
reciting how I found mathematics
at the doorstep to your heart;
my discovery of indices
sorting pleasures beneath your apartment
In a dark red light,
flaky as a clinker.
Woman, you must have thought the instruments
to twang at night
into something that crawls to the paw of the gale
knifing my ears.
call it an act of love
because at your feet
music ends and kick off.
My discovery of you is a quicklime
melding sacred love with holy kisses
over burnt and baked lies
without a draft of smoke
forming cloudburst of rue.
Allow me from your city stare
at roses crashing beneath your waist
affection that goest before your thighs
hallowed by thy bosom
into the gates of confession.
Allow me to snog thee gently
feeding on thy hipped blonde
to your gratification
lounging my spearhead along your riverside
to stir, montarily, moaning
like the touch of flowers.
Tonight woman,
I bring you a song.
Like the sun, crawling to buzz the horizon
I reveal to you the lips of a man
wearing the colour of red for the
eyes.
Do not go up
swinging between the stars
for I without you is tradegies of baked pictures.
Excel Chinagorom Michael
In this dwelling, let nature bid you near
Where instigates the mild ocean no fear
Dwell here unmussed and we will both share
In the ambience of a breeze with a scarlet care
As we voyage by a crescent sphere
To grasp the true art of this gracious air
Let no heart pardon a snare
Nor squeeze fear,from your tender eyes; a tear
By this soulful yacht let's sail the rare
As caressing wind migrates here and there
In your yearn for care, will my heart give hear
In your long for warmth, i will be most fair
Let no ravine snog elude me while i am near
In time, history will make a tale of our presence here.