Best Schumer Poems
This morning I am glued to my TV,
for something has happened in DC!
I’m scratching my head.
Am I dreaming still in bed?
They are PRAISING the President on NBC!
I turn to CNN. It's all the same again!
From ear to ear Don Lemon wears a grin,
“...the President’s magnanimous...
a genius without animus...
In the next election he’s sure to win!"
WHAT?
Surely MSNBC will say something keen.
“The first lady should grace a magazine,”
says Chris Matthews all atingle,
“did you know she’s bilingual?”
The unobjective fawning is obscene!
Schumer and Pelosi toasting with champagne,
are heading Trump's re-election campaign!
The POTUS’s tweets
called, "poetry--like Keats"…
Has the planet gone completely insane?
At FOX News everyone is crying.
They’re shaking their fists and Oh-why-ing.
Hannity’s guzzling booze,
While Tucker sings the blues.
I wonder if pigs have started flying!
Something very strange has happened in DC!
And I am still glued to my TV,
uncertain if I woke
or if it’s all a joke…
The President simply switched from “R” to “D”!
January 31, 2019
Executive orders signing spree
Quite a start for old JB
Killed off the jobs of myriad employees
Put a chokehold on the oil industry
But in the name of his pitch for unity
Lets look at JB's orders with impunity
Rejoining the 2015 Paris 'dialogue-ees'
He's eased up on our good friends, the Chinese
Plus he's helped so many radicals smile with glee
Like Ms. Omer, Ms. Tlieb, Bernie and AOC
Not to mention old pros like Schumer and Pelosi
Now on to re-engage Iran, Obama's lose-lose strategy
Canceling rents and student loans in late February
Open the borders ~ Here comes amnesty
No more new year resolutions,
no more lie on government restitution,
no republic can survive its dilution
no more pandemic blues,
no more wild-eyed cons[iracy cues
no more revenue that's due,
just a prayer for every ordinary me and you;
give me liberty, opinion and my own discretion
a say in the congressional gridlocked sessions
and give me my freedom of choice,
keep your Beemer, Lincoln, Lexus and Rolls Royce,
help me vote, let me speak my voice;
let me give my fair share
how much do you care
about health, hunger, poverty and medicare,
brother do you have a dime to spare,
is anyone with common sense there?
Where are the children too long missing
who's corporate behinds are you now kissing
what's with all the anger and the hissing,
end these shootings, hate fires the looting dissings
help the homeless and the poor, stop the dismissing
are your senate raging rants just visual political pissing?
Schumer, Pelosi, Manchin, McConnel and McCarthy
what is the point of your political party,
you play your little games of cat and mouse
while nothing is done in Senate or in House?
Get to work, do your jobs
stop the lobby dance and cut the hobnobs,
too long perhaps you hold power
all governments are now, equally soured
while the general population is deflowered.
Some years from now
the Devil throws a banquet –
In hell, of course – where he alone
unquestionably rules:
A banquet table plated for
greedy fools: to his right,
Barack seated; with Hilary at
his heated left; Bidden,
unable to tell where he is –
so after a brief, delirious spell,
decides himself quite content
with just the odious, strangely
familiar smell – Hunter doing some
cooking – agents told to shy
from looking – ordered not to
allow lawful booking:
Pelosi and Schumer,
for the first time
realizing themselves entirely
powerless...yet, hopelessly
addicted to procuring votes,
hotly plot how to send
the Squad copious
asbestos notes – His Majesty
offers them, another plate of
hot coals, with a side-dish of
charred souls – some fur lined
totes, to go with stylish
Arctic coats –
Hillary’s bloomers
I’ve got some fresh news on Chuck Schumer
Though some still believe it a rumor
The cameras did click
Producing a pic
Of him wearing Hillary’s bloomers
Maybe I should have written Pelosi's bloomers...nah, same thing.
I remember the day—historic NEWS FLASH,
America said YES, to that famed man of brash.
Too good to be true—for conservative folk,
Donald Trump now our Prez—was surely a hoax.
But indeed it was true, and no sooner had he
recited the oath—as executive Trustee, and moved to the swamp to set records straight, to drain the bog—and launch a clean slate.
But taking the reins, what Trump didn’t know,
a Deep State had formed—a coup to VETO the Will of the peeps, who’d legally won—a web of deception now handily spun by treasonous men and women of Hatred for all things American, legal, and sacred.
COLLUSION they lied from Capitol Hill. COLLUSION by media in a fake caring shrill. Across every city, County, and state, COLLUSION—he’s guilty, let’s make no mistake!
Talking heads named Pelosi, Schumer, and Lemon,
Declaring Due Process, was NOT meant for Vermin like President Trump, his family and friends—people of MAGA, no justice shall cleanse.
In the end all were wrong—there had been no such thing, our president—the victim of a terrible sting. A hoax of proportions never before seen since 1776 in the Land of the Free.
Double standards now stand as America’s way.
Lies, deceit, and reputations all flayed.
Savvy Americans saw through the lame scheme, loyally standing by their President and Team.
Despite main stream media, & stirred up confusion,
Hillary lost, MOVE ON—your COLLUSION'S an ILLUSION!
It’s sad just how low, American leftists will go,
Mentally ill by the thought: TRUMP WINS—two in a row.
Pelosi—their Jesus, decrees moral high ground,
Enter Schumer, Nadler, and Schiff—three idiot clowns.
And yet, not one strategy has rid them of him,
Charlatans and liars—appropriate pseudonyms.
Hating on this president, three long years now and counting…
Trump Derangement Syndrome—a social disorder,
Hampers millions still clinging to their losing New Yorker.
Impeaching popular presidents, with opinions—not facts,
Should scare you to the polls—to vote Donald right back!
December 20, 2019
Your Best New Poem Poetry Contest
Four years of hell are finally gone
The reigns have been turned over to a new Don
From sea to sea and state to state
President Trump will make America great
It's time we all forget about the past
We are again free, free at last
Free from the morons running the show
Let's hope they reap what they have sown
The golden age of America starts today
The idiots who were in power are out of the way
Prosperity for all and peace on Earth
Our country has started a great re-birth
The future was bleak but now it looks bright
Out of the darkness we emerge into light
President Trump, thank you for all you do
Your sacrifices were great, but you remained true
True to your word, actions and deeds
Under your leadership we will take the lead
Bringing an end to the assault on our lands
Vowing to serve all and give a lending hand
From L.A.'s wildfires to North Carolina's flood
To our soldiers who fought and spilled their blood
He's a true American hero through and through
He truly does bleed red, white and blue
He took a bullet in pursuit of freedom
And continued to fight for our kingdom
He loves this country and the people he serves
We the people finally get what we deserve
Biden and Harris will infect us no more
The American people showed them the door
Pelosi and Schumer it's time to retire
As President Trump says, get out, your fired
To take from Obama we have hope and change
We have nothing to lose and everything to gain
The greatest political comeback history has ever seen
To quote Dr. Martin Luther King he too has a dream
A dream where he promised to Make America Great Again
He's not only the President but America's friend
A friend that America so desperately needs
To wipe out corruption and nefarious deeds
Get ready America as we begin to thrive
This really is a great time to be alive
We have witnessed history before our eyes
As we bid Joe Biden a final goodbye
Poor old Schumer and our poor old Nancy
Biden gave them not one pardon fancy
He was stabbed in the back
And thrown out like a hack
Now with Donald their futures are chancy
Pardon me, sir
No, you go first
You have right of way
I defer to you. Go ahead
No, really. I'm in no hurry
Neither am I
Well, then. I'll just wait for you
And I for you ...
Now this is getting a bit silly. Please, it's your right of way
Oh? I'm not sure that I really have right of way. Plus I like it here
Gosh, I'm going to ask this gendarme here to help us
No, no. NO need for that! He's got better things to attend to
Mr. McConnell? Is that you? Imagine! I didn't recognize you in the sunlight
Uh, yes, yes. It's me, alright, uh, er, Mr... Mr...
Schumer. Mr. Charles Schumer. But you can just call me 'Chuck'
O yes. Sure. I know you now. So, please go ahead, Chuck. Time's a-wasting
Mr. McConnell, now that I'm sure it's really y--
O, Officer! Mr. Policeman! May I have a word with y--
Mr. Chuck Schumer
Is a Baby Boomer
His real name is Charles Ellis
Aren't you just insanely jealous?
Trump on live TV
"I'll shut down the government"
Said to Chuck Schumer
Out with infighting and lack of general respect,
Let’s restore our Congressional reputation
Rank partisanship and grandstanding
While padding their own coffers, I expect!
Let’s rid ourselves of all the current trolls
“Let’s throw the bums out,” it has been said,
Not a one of them worth saving, I suspect.
Better off with zombies at the controls.
Let’s start by ditching Mitch; Pelosi, too,
Right down to the bottom of the barrel
Grifters, the shysters, and arrogant fools
Send McCarthy and Schumer to Timbuktu.
Greene, and Gaetz, and dummy Gohmert
Publicity hounds and holier-than-thous
Let’s start with a clean slate this year
Out with Cruz, Cotton, and Lauren Boebert.
Repubs and Dems—all those fat cats alike,
We need to start with a clean slate now
Hire those who will make government run
Let’s tell Madison Cawthorn to take a hike.
All of them! – I’ve just named a very few
But I can’t think of a single one I’d keep,
Clear out the entire House and the Senate
We need to clean up this despicable zoo!
HONORABLE MENTION
"Religion or Politics No. 7" Poetry Contest
All Poetry.com
April 24, 2022
Written April 9, 2022
NEW HYMN FOR LITTLE CHILDREN
Trump is evil this I know
For the papers tell me so
CNN, & NBC
Scorn him and his family
Yes! The Donald hates me
Yes! The Donald hates me
Yes! The Donald hates me
The media tells me so
No way could elected be
Dirty deeds suspect of he
Must have got there this I know
With collusion from Moscow
Yes! POTUS hates me
Yes! POTUS hates me
Yes! POTUS hates me
Chuck Schumer tells me so
Think he must have cast a spell
It’s all going far too well
So we’ll overcome this trauma
Put it down to B Obama
Yes! Trump he hates me
Yes! Trump he hates me
Yes! Trump he hates me
My teacher tells me so
Purposes for a Probe
May be many purposes for a probe;
Should hear about in each ear lobe;
Another rumor;
He hates Schumer;
Horrible Trump has been a homophobe.
Jim Horn