Best Risque Poems
they closed the brothel
to open a bakery
tarts still lay around
black forests are on display
no fresh muffins ~ nothing’s changed
They Closed The Brothel Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Kai Michael Neumann
14/02/2021/ syllable counter PS 5/7/5/7/7
Loo humour it is my forte
Risqué rhymes, I’ll write night and day
I’ve finished next book
Will you dare to look
It’s naughty – that’s all I will say!
Away with the fairies
No sense in my head
“Just feathers and sawdust,”
or so my mum said
With vacant expression
I stared into space
She said, “I won’t do much
For the human race.”
I told her, “I’m thinking.”
She said, “About what!”
And I said, “Your sister,
Aunt Maisie is HOT!”
I think I’m in danger
of a sore behind
My mum said, “She’s too old,
and you’re not her kind.”
I said, “Mum, just last week,
we went to the zoo.
She said she loves big snakes!
Well, what could I do?”
My mum screeched, “You pervert!
You’re still just a child
You’ve got nothing downstairs
to drive women wild.”
I said, “Keep your hair on.
Your sister likes lads.
And also, she told me…
mine’s bigger than Dad’s.”
Women battling the bulge is no surprise
Being looked at on the beach; the ultimate prize
And when the battle they win
It causes a grin
To notice a different bulge in the men's levis.
The redness that caused me agitation;
being cancerous was an aberration.
A letter stated it’s lipstick,
that smudged on my dipstick,
so deeply regret my amputation.
Our dearest Betty White, whose credits are long
Her sharp wit was always like a risque' song
She warmed our hearts every step of the way.
Her final bow, we wish she could have stayed.
January 8, 2022
New farmer whose first name is Guy
Confesses he's using AI
His cows are sans bulls
But for lassies he pulls
He uses his todger - AYE AYE!
crimson stilettos
mini skirt, fishnet stockings
fantasy attire
If only I could
I totally would.
To love to feel
To die embracing.
That everlasting emotion
Lurking deep in the ocean.
Burning like lava
Exploding from inside.
Electrocuted by your stare
Teasing me with a dare.
Awakened salacious images
Running naked through my head.
Seize me with longing
Fervor endless growing.
Elevate me to the extremity
Come to a halt at the summit.
Dissolved by lust
Attempting to adjust.
Evaporating with the zephyr
Adagio movements concluding me.
The subway steams in August heat.
At 3 A.M. a lover’s tryst.
Alone at last two in one seat.
The subway steams in August heat.
Their limbs entwine and hips entreat.
He strokes her hair and steals a kiss.
The subway steams in August heat.
At 3 A.M. a lover’s tryst.
useless she goaded
his libido eroded
feeling outmoded
two blue pills locked and loaded
you beast ~ payload exploded
By
David Kavanagh
Merriment winds dapple bouncing
gleeful spots of energetic play
when they joy lift her thru
childhood perfumed leaves of yesterday.
Emotionally puckered steps
kick-slipping thru teenage ground arrays
wore angst sized woodsy shoes
during those years when leaves all smeared gray.
A girl who never said good-bye
disappeared down in sensual lays
when her heart first love sighed
awry in love crunched leaves spiced risque.
With aches not yet adult strong,
she smeared regrets where teared upsets lay -
on leaves that shamed her dreams
while fresh scents hid their bits that betray.
Even in the saddest parts of her, she glowed.
She was standing still at a crossroad.
No one understood who she was at heart.
Her madness pulled her and others apart.
She was standing still at a crossroad.
A grin was something she always showed.
Her madness pulled her and others apart.
They saw her as a headstrong sweetheart.
A grin was something she always showed,
Known for regularly being in a sensual mode.
They saw her as a headstrong sweetheart.
Not knowing she will soon come apart.
I have great admiration for the people who labors
Whether it’s labor in love
In deeds
In loving kindness
Or in everyday mundane things
Did you know that your deeds are not gone unnoticed?
Whether to be noticed by me, ha
Or others
Or God, yeah!
That’s the person you want to notice the most
He is up there watching you
Yes!
He is seeing everything you do
Every little risqué that you take
For that special someone
For that not seeing again stranger
Everything you do is accounted for
To the last penny
As what they say
Do you want your work to count
For eternity?
Then do my friend
And don’t be wary in your hard doing
Don’t pay any thoughts
In whether you will be benefited
You will be
Make no doubt about it
The labor that you sowed
Will water you
And grow you in His loving kindness
God is needing His laborers
Whether at the least unexpected place or in your back yard
Or on your neighbor’s porch
Share a word of kindness
Say a random thing
Or do the unexpected
You have a mind to do
What you want to do
So why not use it
To do what you want?
Hey wouldn’t you want to talk to that person
To find out about him/her?
Where is your curiosity?
You may learn something new
In the process you may learn something
About yourself
So you actually do yourself a favor
To get out of your confinement
And fly
So do okay?
You won’t regret it
My salt and pepper shakers were risqué
Shaking their booties night and day
I told my husband to put them away
It was his mother who thought they were gay
I brought my boss home for dinner last Tuesday
Those nasty shakers were dirty dancing away
I said to my husband please take them to Kay
That is his mother, who thought they were gay.