Best Radiator Poems
Every time I sneeze or cough
Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
Shouldn't be a big surprise
It's a definite sign we ain't no young chicken no more
When you grunt just putting on your socks
It's the ninth inning with two men out
If you have to turn up the volume on TV
Till it shatters the wine glasses in your dining room credenza
You are not far from the end
Another sign that you ain't no spring chicken
Is when you repeat the same sentence twice in a row
Is when you repeat the same sentence twice in a row
Also when you forget to zip up after you pee
What's worse though is when you forget to zip down
When everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work
It feels like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere
Your knees buckle but your belt won't
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there
You sing along with elevator music
You have a dream about prunes
Your nose and ears are hairier than your head
In dog years you're dead
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional
And finally... inside every old person is a young person
Wondering what the hell happened!
© Jack Ellison 2014
BLEEDIN RADIATOR!
Snow falling caused our flight delay
We arrived home from holiday
Radiator’s been leaking
A new carpet I’m seeking
I’m hoping insurers will pay!
2/1/19
Unfortunately it’s a true story ... after a fabulous holiday in Cyprus we had a 6 hour delay at the airport, our flight plan then had to be re routed to Milan so they could change crew and de ice the plane. When we eventually arrived in the UK we had 2 /12 hours sleep in the hotel before we had to be up for our flight back home. Got home and found a radiator has been leaking and had to spend 3 hours removing a sodden moldy carpet. Despite all the drama I was still able to write with humour and posted my Regina limerick which, from all the comments, has made many people smile!
(This poem is partially true)
My friend put a radiator hose in his pants and people thought he was well-
endowed.
He seemed to grow over night and women wondered how.
He appeared to have a very big johnson and this was what many women
believed.
But the ladies raised hell when they learned that they were being deceived.
He had women chasing him because they wanted to get him in the sack.
But a man came and told my friend that he wanted his radiator hose back.
When he pulled it out of his pants, the ladies attacked him.
They were really pissed because he didn't have what attracted them.
In reality his ***** was only two inches long.
After they beat the crap out of him, they cut off his tiny schlong.
One of his attackers said he deserved what he got and most of the women agree.
Now my friend has to sit on the toilet when he pees.
The radiator whispered like breath
beneath the old window
(half opened for mercy)
where cold fingers of air
braided themselves with steam
and the snow stayed only for seconds
dancing above the sill
in the breeze.
The sofa, burgundy and bruised,
sagged like an old confession.
I curled into its velvet hush
and watched the cupola burn gold
(above the parking lot at dusk)
through the veil of falling snow.
This was my aerie,
thin-walled and tranquil,
where I painted, and read,
and wrote my way
into becoming.
Below, the café breathed
lentils and clove,
hippies hunched
at secondhand tables,
hands wrapped around chipped mugs
(arguing softly about Hesse)
as incense tangled with the steam.
I read Siddhartha in the original,
while Han Fook waited in the margins,
quiet as smoke,
his silence teaching me
to listen without answers.
The Comfort of the Radiator
There is nothing more that I love
than the whistling sound of the radiator
It signals safety in my surroundings
It keeps me encapsulated in safety and warmth
The soothing sound reminds me that all is well is well in my world
I have a lot to be grateful for
Promising visions of Thanksgiving Day Feasts, the charm and beauty that Christmas magic brings
And the brilliance of the sparkling New Year!
It soothes me bathing me in comfort of body and soul
All is harmonious
All is well
The universe is supporting me
And Good is looking down on me and tending to me.
God Bless the peaceful, unifying sounds of the radiator
The connector to outward sensation
The indicator that someone out there is looking out for me and making sure I am warm
Others are benefiting from its sounds and its crackling heat
Everything is well and in balance
Peace, my friends…..