Best Funnychange Poems
I think they should change the wedding vows
We'll keep honor and obey
But I have a few of my own to add
And here is what they'd say
Do you promise to tell this man
He's as handsome as can be
And will you let him watch his football
Every Sunday on tv
An will you promise everyday
To make him breakfast in bed
And put your mom in a old folk's home
When she wants to move in instead
Do you promise to rub his feet
Every night when he gets home
And bring him the evening paper
While he relaxes on the throne
Will you promise not to ask him
If you're gettin fat
Will you let him hide the credit cards
And not ask him where they're at
And promise when he tells you no
You'll never ask him why
Don't make him watch a chick flick
And never ever cry
If they'd use these words I've added
It could change our life
I'd be the perfect husband
And you, the perfect wife
Once upon a time I could change the oil and give the car a lube,
Tune the timing, change the plugs and patch an inner tube.
In days of yore I'd do simple jobs beneath the old elm tree.
Nowadays, I daren't twist a wrench without an engineer's degree!
In olden days things were simple to work on beneath the hood.
Stuff crammed under the hoods today is not at all understood!
Why! You must pull the doggone engine to fix a simple leak,
And everything is diagnosed by a smart-alecky computer geek!
Now I can't even locate the spark plugs, I must humbly confess,
And where the life-sustaining battery reposes is anybody's guess!
I must even contact the local garage to get the radiator filled.
'Tis plain to see that all is governed by the national mechanic's guild!
In simpler times the way to detect an errant rod and piston knock,
Was to put a screwdriver to your ear and listen through the block.
Nowadays, technicians lounge about with computers in their paws,
And in a trice can flesh out your automobile's ailing flaws!
Back then, I could replace brake linings and distributor caps,
Change a fan belt or replace a gasket or two perhaps.
But all these fancy gadgets are beyond me - I can't figure them out.
So I'll gnash my teeth and sit beneath the spreading elm and pout!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
If I could journey back in time,
What would I change in my life?
I have two lovely children,
So I guess I’ll just change the wife.
Then I would go back in time,
To a point when I was young.
And kick the bugger’s ****,
For the times he failed instead of won.
I’ll tell him that I’m the devil,
And if I catch him drinking and smoking.
Hell is a fiery place where he will dell,
And kick his **** to show I’m not joking.
I’ll install the bible doctrine in him
And give him the foundation as a starter pack
Then I’ll nip back in time now and then
And kick his **** to keep him on track
Hopefully I will turn out well
A better Christian than what I’m now
For if I don’t then I’ll go back
And kick his **** and that is my vow.