Shade Tree Mechanic

Once upon a time I could change the oil and give the car a lube, Tune the timing, change the plugs and patch an inner tube. In days of yore I'd do simple jobs beneath the old elm tree. Nowadays, I daren't twist a wrench without an engineer's degree! In olden days things were simple to work on beneath the hood. Stuff crammed under the hoods today is not at all understood! Why! You must pull the doggone engine to fix a simple leak, And everything is diagnosed by a smart-alecky computer geek! Now I can't even locate the spark plugs, I must humbly confess, And where the life-sustaining battery reposes is anybody's guess! I must even contact the local garage to get the radiator filled. 'Tis plain to see that all is governed by the national mechanic's guild! In simpler times the way to detect an errant rod and piston knock, Was to put a screwdriver to your ear and listen through the block. Nowadays, technicians lounge about with computers in their paws, And in a trice can flesh out your automobile's ailing flaws! Back then, I could replace brake linings and distributor caps, Change a fan belt or replace a gasket or two perhaps. But all these fancy gadgets are beyond me - I can't figure them out. So I'll gnash my teeth and sit beneath the spreading elm and pout! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)