Best Noses Poems
This tale dates back to Noah
and his famous ark built of wood,
how he saved a pair of canines,
not behaving as they should.
The animals lined up two by two,
each pair logged in at the gate,
for God had said it was crucial,
every creature participate.
The mischevious dogs were oblivious,
that their turn for boarding was near,
Noah called to them impatiently.
“dogs come, check in over here”.
They wanted to play, not listen
and when Noah lost sight of the two,
he put in an emergency call to God,
asking him what he should do.
He was told the flood was upon them,
through the downpour, before it got dark,
his eyes searched the water, he spotted
dogs swimming frantically out to the ark.
He opened the hatch, there was barely room,
though he tugged to fit both of them in,
he had no heart to cast them aside,
and he knew it would be a sin.
Everything fit but their noses
so he drilled two holes in the wood,
forty days and nights their noses got soaked,
never got warm and dried like they should..
Thanks to a couple of water drenched pups
God taught a lesson they wouldn’t forget,
thereafter each dog he created was doomed
to live with a nose that was wet!
Eyes are sometimes useless when you need some combs.
Ears can see and smell what eyes and nose cannot sense under tombs.
Eyes can see gnomes, but ears can do better when darkness comes and roams.
Slugs have four noses
or so it is said
and a pig cannot see
the blue sky overhead
Tigers have striped skin
and rabbits can’t sweat
you can’t lick your elbow
you’ll try though I’ll bet
Birds cannot pee and
worms eat their own poo
and a crocodile can’t
poke it’s tongue out at you
Kangaroos cannot jump
if you lift up their tail
and a small child could swim
through the veins of a whale
Ducks have three eyelids
to keep their eyes dry
what tastes food with its feet
yes – you’re right – butterfly
A shrimp has a heart
which he keeps in his head
a hot Hippo is scary
his sweat is bright red
Dolphins sleep with one eye shut
under the waves
and bats always turn left
when they fly from their caves
Worms taste like bacon
starfish have no brain
but if he lost a leg
he could grow one again
But the best fact of all
and this one takes the crown
Flamingos have lunch
with their heads upside down
So your ears are too big
or your legs are too thin
and you dream of a dimple
right there - on your chin
So accept what you see
God loves you as you are
He created us all
And you're His brightest star
With so many kids in my family
Mismatched socks we had many
Stripes, whites and array of colors
With buttons, yarn, ribbons and glue
Duct tape, felt and markers too
We'd go toe-to-toe creating
Sock puppets of different kinds
Google button eyes and button noses
Yarn for hair, felt mouths and ears
Duct tape bow ties or embellishments
Of ribbons and broken old jewelry
Using are new funny-looking puppets
Button eyes wiggling upon our hands
Nine of us would put on puppet plays
Each puppet was given a crazy name
And now it's show time, so quiet please
For Black Eyed Susan's contest, "Buttons"
Eyebrows on noses and whiskers on women
Large rats and wombats that suckle my kitten
Penguins that waddle in hot sulfur springs
These are a few of my befuddled things
La da, di da da
Piglets that paddle in puddles of poodles
Parrots that prattle for peanuts and noodles
Wild things that fly in the face of my fan
These are the things that I chase when I can
La da, di da da, li da da, li da da
Rabies and robbers and nights in Havana
Babies that slobber on bites of banana
Fickle young fingers in pickles and kraut
These are the things that my life is about
When the elephant stomps
When the Man-o-war stings
When I'm feeling small
I simply remember my old mattress springs
And then I can't jump
At all!
La da, di da da, li da da, li da!
(Jazz it up to the tune of "Everything’s Coming Up Roses")
***
Caught a cold?....Have the flu?
Do you think a truck ran over you??
Need a pill?..........Have the chills?
Honey..................everyone's blowing red noses!
Pounding head? Now it's spread...
To your lungs, and now you wish that you were dead?
Cannot eat.....cannot sleep
Honey.............everyone's blowing red noses!
Now head's spinning....temp one hundred and two?
Doctor's grinning...........says it's just the beginning!
Out of luck.....you've up-chucked
Diarrhea wars are waging in your gut?
You'll get well......just you wait...
Doc said flu.........his bill is due....
Honey, ...............everyone's blowing red noses like me and like you!
You can do it.....all you need is a pill
You can do it, ...chicken soup will see to it!
Feeling weak? Fever peaked?
Thoughts of living one more day may seem too bleak?
You'll get well.....take a nap...
What's Doc's bill??!! ....Holy crap!!!
The only thing that stops you from getting well....
Honey...everyone's down at the pharmacy...and buying meds
Everyone's hording the Pepto and Tylenol
Everyone's using up Medicare, and HMO's
Everyone's blowing red noses........ and sneezing AaaaaaaaaaCHOO!!
__________________________________________________________________
.
slugs have four noses or so it is said
and a pig cannot see the blue sky overhead
.
birds cannot pee and worms eat their own poo
and a crocodile can’t poke it’s tongue out at you
.
Kangaroos cannot jump if you lift up their tail
and a small child could swim through the veins of a whale
.
a shrimp has a heart which he keeps in his head
a hot Hippo is scary his sweat is bright red
.
but the best fact of all, and this one takes the crown -
pink flamingos have lunch with their heads upside down!
.
Why Dogs Have Wet Noses
This tale dates back to Noah
and his famous ark built of wood,
how he saved a pair of canines
not behaving as they should.
The animals lined up two by two
pairs logged in at the gate,
for God had said it was crucial
every creature participate.
The dogs weren’t paying attention
for when their turn was near,
Noah called to them impatiently.
“Dogs please check in here”.
They wanted to play, not listen
and when Noah lost sight of the two,
he put in an emergency call to God
asking what he should do.
He was told the flood was upon them,
through the downpour, before it got dark,
Noah searched the water, then spotted
dogs swimming out to the ark.
He opened the hatch, there was barely room,
though he tugged to fit both of them in,
he had no heart to cast them aside,
and he knew it would be a sin.
Everything fit but their noses
so he drilled two holes in the wood,
forty days and nights their noses kept soaked,
not warm and dry like they should..
Because of a couple of foolish pups
God taught a lesson they wouldn’t forget,
thereafter each dog he created was doomed
to live with a nose that was wet!
A nose is called many names
Some of them quite funny
Sometimes they are spotty
And often very runny
If you are unlucky you could have a bulbous nose
I would rather have a slender one, that's choosy I suppose
Roman noses are much larger and inclined to bend
Retrousser ones are saucy and turn up at the ends
Prominent noses stand out and can be very long
Hooters are another name that sounds more like a gong
A pig has a strange nose it is called a snout
It's not like other noses it's flat and don't stick out
An elephants nose is called a trunk it looks more like a hose
It is very useful as well the elephant knows
Then there's the proboscis monkey with his extraordinary sense of smell
They can use their schnozzle to find a boy or girl
There are lots of other names like sniffer, bugle, pug
I bet you've read enough of this so i'll pull out the plug
Runny Noses
We pressed our lips
Against the frozen frosted glass
You on one side and me on the other
Pulling them away we could feel the warm blood
Seeping down through the creases in our tongues
You put your purple iced hand on my neck
I shook breaths out of my coughing lungs
A snow ball in my squinting eye
Red now, reflecting the yellow sun
We rolled down sides of reservoirs
Landing on concrete roads, dodging cars
We ran home
Toeless numb, wet gloves
The fire melted the day away
We bathed in lukewarm water
And went to sleep.
Tell me again about Nose-nosers and News-newsers.
Nose-nosers know noses.
News-newsers know news.
Nose-nosers know no news.
News-newsers know no noses.
If a Nose-noser knows news it's a Nose-newser.
If a News-newser knows noses it's a News-noser.
Nose-nosers and News-nosers know noses but neither knows news.
News-newsers and Nose-newsers know news but neither knows noses.
What do Nose-newsers do?
Nose-newsers nose out nose news
Nose-newsers pen no nose news.
Noses with nose news need Newsers.
Newsers pen only new nose news.
Nose-knowsers know Nose-nosers (who know noses).
Nose-newsers nose out nose news for Nose-knowsers.
Dad, what do they do with new nose news?
Nose-knowsers send Newsers new nose news.
(Nose-knowsers know nose news Nose-nosers know not.)
Newsers write new nose news in Nose Nuncios.
(Newsers never nix Nose-knowser nose news.)
Nose-nosers eye Nose Nuncio nose news.
Nose Nuncio nose news makes Nose-nosers News-nosers.
If everyone knows nose news
it's time for the nose news nose dance!
Twitch twitch-a twitch twitch do twitch to the right
Sniff sniff-a sniff sniff do sniff to the left
Dad, do they know anything else?
Nose-nosers know Gnus' noses.
News-newsers know Gnus' nose news.
Nose-nosers know no Gnus' news.
News-newsers know no Gnus' noses.
Gnu-nose-news-nosers only know new Gnus' noses.
Gnu-news-nose-newsers only know new Gnus' news
If a Nose-noser knows Gnus' news it's a Gnu-news-nose-newser.
If a News-newser knows Gnus' noses it's a Gnu-nose-news-noser.
Nose-nosers and News-newsers and Nose-newsers and News-nosers and Nose-newsers
Nose-knowsers and Nose Nuncios and Gnu-nose-news-nosers and Gnu-news-nose-newsers
Do you now understand who nose news?
The thing about noses
That nobody knows is
A deep, secret gnosis
They all tend to crust
So do not be snookered
We’ve all got dem boogers
Yes, even you, sugar
So pick if you must
I think on these things and thank God for my granny
whose kitchen was always full of good smells for the
young and the old:
cider
pungent, mulled
heady, mellow, festive
applejack, wassail ~~ Swiss Miss, hot chocolate
creamy, soothing, sweet
marshmallows, aromatic
cocoa
November 24, 2021
A man and woman met
in a moving passenger train
Fell in love they did
but both had long noses
two weeks they tried to kiss
but no way to reach there
both noses pleaded long
both tried grabbing chances
but no success within reach
let’s go to doctor for advice
and lo! surgery was done
and so were able to kiss
and kiss and kiss in arrears
like this
you have a kit
the runs down
some raps around
its from this cold
and wind blows
from
COLD AND RUNNING
NOSES