Best No Brainer Poems
Andrea D?...No brainer:
Dandy
Andie
Or in her younger, wilder days she may have been:
Randy
Andie?
(Just kidding! Just kid...Ouch!)
I have no choice but to categorize several poems by my mentor as:
Guzzi's
Doozies
(Now don't YOU start on me Deb!)
Ms. Macmillan's writing style is quite modern so here-to-forth she is:
Trendy
Cyndi
(You're not gonna' hit me too are you Cyndi?)
It is rumored that Mr. O is a care-free soul so some might name him:
Groovin'
Ruben
And be sure to keep up with current South African events in the:
Suzette
Gazette
A Christmas poem composed by Carol Brown could be a:
Carol
Carol
Writer's block PD? No sweat!...Just a temporary case of:
Souper
Stupor
Okay, that's enough...
“The Memoirs of a Cat Lady”
you slinked onto my sunny windowsill
winked with your one good eye
a no-brainer, all in your face, head
saucy marmalade pants
bittersweet No. 1 wins the day,
in my bed
oh to be dominant
in my realm of warmth
once again
Moonlight
calculates the temerity
of a head-over-heels
One-eyed Pirate upstart
heart-claiming
Love Cat
she remembers
shameless,
she silently grins
(LadyLabyrinth / 2021)
I’m a limited edition, when all is said and done
Nothing special, only unique in a maze of humdrum
Kill spiders for a pastime, coz I hate their beady eyes
Watching me try to sleep, as they paralyse butterflies
I’m a limited edition, pulling cobwebs from beams
In great physical shape, yet mentally challenged it seems
Guilty of every known sin, with mitigation of course
They are all in my head, except when I use fatal force
I’m a limited edition, preprogrammed to survive
From one day to another, til next time I’m not revived
Still it’s great to be alive, from a dead man’s point of view
I certainly possess one, in a preserve this mind grew
I’m a limited edition, my pets couldn’t care less
Well possibly they do, but look up to me nonetheless
Take me as you find me on any given occasion
Whisper sweet nothings, I’m a sucker to soft persuasion
I’m a limited edition, light Cola makes me cringe
And hate drinking alcohol, unless going on a binge
Alas I cannot find god, he’s hidden away in reams
Leaving himself subjective, to idealistic extremes
I’m a limited edition, playing Russian roulette
Will even up the ante, fill the chamber, rig the bet
It’s a no brainer, literally speaking anyway
With just sawdust to lose, all so easy to blow away
By
David Kavanagh
Roll it out or squoosh it flat;
Make a pie or cobbler,
But the eater must be
An imaginary gobbler.
Form a bunch of little balls;
Fill a little bucket.
Poke some holes and when you're done
You might decide to chuck it.
If you do, just mush it up
And stuff in its container.
Kids and time and Play Doh?
I would say a real no-brainer!
Moses one of the great prophets
showing Christ as an even greater prophet
both sent by God to do His will (Ex 3: 1-12/ John 6: 57)
forever we are in their debt
Both born under remarkable circumstances( Ex 2: 1-16/ John 20: 30)
as well as under threat of death at birth (Ex 1: 15-22/Luke 1: 23-38)
God's hand destined to bless them
preserving them in all the earth
Mediators were they before God and man (Ex 20: 19-22/ 1Tim 2: 5)
reconciliation was their required aim
pointing all to Calvary's cross
where the prize redemption had came
Living foodless for a required time (Ex 34: 28/Matt 4: 2)
proving God to be their real sustainer
then provide food for the people (Ex 16: 2-22/John 6: 5-13)
show their authority to be a no-brainer
Teacher, Prophet, Lawgiver and King
(Deut 4:5)(Deut 18:15-19)( Ex 31: 28)(Deut 33: 5)
(Matt 5:12)(Deut 18: 15, 18)(John 1:17)(Matt 21:5)
just a few titles that they held
Moses to be sure a Prophet supreme
pointed to Christ the greater word did bring
It was a beautiful morning, the sky azure,
and the air clear and cloudless.
The dawn's sunrise casted shadowy silhouettes
of the city, on the calm and unrippled Hudson River.
The city's streets were heavy with people traffic from
workers and tourists rushing around in the fast pace
of Manhattan's mid-week norm.
While driving to my work destination, and listening and singing-
along to John Lennon's hit song "Imagine"
Suddenly, the music stopped playing and the radio host interrupted
to announce that a plane had just hit one of the twin towers.
At first, I thought it was a small private plane that hit because the man on the radio didn't explain that it was a jet with passengers on it.
As the minutes passed by, every radio station was sharing the "Breaking News" that a plane had hit the North Tower of the World Trade Centers.
Most every was in shock, and clueless as to it being an attack by Al-Qaeda/Osama Bin Laden. Once the second plane hit the South Tower,
it was a no-brainer that we were under attack.
I've never felt so unsafe in my life than that day or the following days ahead. Everywhere I went, every time I left my home, my eyes would be wandering over my shoulder and behind my back. The eerie feeling lingered on for days, weeks and even months. The smell of ash still scents my nostrils, the quiet sound of silence in the aftermath still rings my ears. The memories of that horrific day will forever be with me.
can never forget
the world trade centers collapsed
terrorist's attack
She flees the marriage bed so many nights
to satisfy base urges while he sleeps.
Apparently, he doesn't know she fights
voracious appetites and often keeps
a rendezvous with kitchen's sweet delights.
Tonight her giant slab of mocha cake
is covered with a mountain of ice cream,
pistachio. Tomorrow night she'll make
another huge confectionary dream.
She sacrifices sleep for sugar's sake.
But then she sees an unexpected sight,
her husband wearing nothing but a smile.
He says, "I'm wanting something sweet tonight.
I'll fix myself a treat. Let's sit a while.
Look out the window. Oh, the moon's so bright!"
The lady has two treats: one on a plate;
the other, buff and bare, one foot away.
No brainer! Which increases her heart rate?
She minds that racing heart without delay!
Two plates of goodies meet a soggy fate.
posted as two-stanza poem (first two) in September, 2015
lengthened to four stanzas June 20, 2016
entered in Brian Strand's Contest 256 (any topic or form, 30-line max)
on December 31, 2016 Placed 9th (of 10)
May 1, 2019, entered in Richard Lamoureau's Honourable Mention Worth
Mentioning Contest I really worked on this one. I don't often write
a sexy poem! placed 4th
y'all know me- I'm in the poem biz
and it is a no brainer when I need a fix(I come to the main drag)of
this poetry site
this my security blanket my safe harbor my home away from home
it has taken me years to learn the
set up(its a long way to poet)gonna take a journey
listen I don't consider my poems hot stuff
nor do I have hang ups but the bare bones is this
I go bananas for contests I won't bamboozle you
I just wanna win (win and win)
but getting a poem selected is an uncertain crapshoot
its a tricky business
when the theme is announced
I need to give it a good think (think)
and sometimes I write a lemon (a real stinker)
oh when I lose(so blue)oh so near when I win bees knees happy
sometimes I put on my war paint and make my way
to the shooting gallery (I mean the blogs)
don't wanna open a can of worms but
a poet needs guts to make a comment there
oh yessiree your words can be turned to smoke
sometimes its all snoggling and sometimes its just aggro
the blogger asks for an opinion then the fun begins
get out the boom box say what talk to the hand
bring me the funny wagon gotta get outa there
before I go nuts gotta chill out take my peepers to a poem
like it when its mellow yellow in blog world
y'all know me- I'm in the poem biz
and it is a no brainer when I need a fix(I come to the main drag)of
this poetry site
_____________________________________
July 1, 2015
Free Verse
For the contest, Colloquialisms, sponsor, Laura Leiser
Fourth Place
Why?! Sometimes I ask why. I mean why?
Does the good die young, I mean why?
Does the world make it so hard for single mothers to feed their kids but have enough
money for inmates, I mean why?
Do we constanlty see history repeat itself when we have already learned it, I mean why?
Do we fear and cant trust the police, I mean why?
Do we attack and hurt the people that love us but love the people that attack and hurt us, I mean why?
Do we have a generation that believes love is unsearchable. Where hate is leaned on more. Where happienes is rare.
And where lust is a no brainer, I mean why?
Do kids know every song lyric, but doesnt know a bible scripture besides the one tatted on their arms, I mean why?
Do I have people in my life that are their for no reason, I mean why?
Do I have a pinch of believers but a handful of doubters, I mean why?
Did I have so much pain growing up, I mean why?
Do now I have enemies that use to be my friends, I mean why?!
Do things never go my way in my life, I mean why?
But Gods plans are unsearchable. So he only knows, Why.
Lions, tigers and bears alarm me, no-brainer!
Zookeepers seem to like them and circus trainers.
Some blokes put gray in your hair - like Freddy Krueger
but strokes are not funny, I panic 'round cougars.
Pythons, parrots and apes distress me, no-brainer
Crocodile Dundee was just an entertainer.
Trees are traps and leopards lie perfectly still there,
they'll permanently jeopardize lots more than hair.
Gray wolves, foxes and deer upset me, no-brainer
Forest rangers take care and jungle campaigners.
Locks don't stop gorillas, stray geese or grizzlies
merely seeing them turns my locks to frizzlies.
Toadfrogs, lizards and hares concern me, no-brainer.
Steve Irwin, I am not, should I make it plainer?
Lions, tigers and bears make me sweat unaware,
wild animal beasties leave me pulling my hair.
The hardware store's a dying breed
As big box stores invade.
They used to have just what you'd need,
Each item U.S. made.
But now they face a growing threat
'Cause though they're down the block,
Most people hit their cars to get
A wider choice of stock.
You need a hammer and some nails,
A spatula or strainer,
Home Depot's got it - never fails;
To most, it's a no-brainer.
The old and dusty hardware store,
Which passed from dad to son,
Might rate a look-around before
The day there will be none.
When the president said ‘misunderestimated’
Everybody wondered, ‘was he ever educated’
But I forgive him that, for the thing that makes me ‘EEK!’
Is the mad proliferation of Corporation Speak…
For thirteen years a desk paid my rent
As I gave a hundred and ten percent
While progress chasing, the big knobs suggested
I could perhaps be more invested
They said action that
And try blue sky thinking
Let’s square the circle
Cos floating ain’t sinking
So pick it up and run with it
But bring it to the table
And hit the ground running
Don’t smoke in the stable
Scare the ghost
Feel the commotion
Peel the onion
Boil the ocean
If you’re out of the loop
Go punch the puppy
We’ll take it on board
(While I punch the yuppie)
So here’s the game changer
Think outside the box
We need joined up thinking
Heads up, shoot the fox
It’s a no brainer, for it’s got legs
The tastiest coffee still has dregs
So find a window, bump some heads
You can’t make an omelette without cracking eggs
So let’s all sing from the same hymn sheet
For we live in a world full of corporate speak
Although yours truly modest,
the only personal issue
I will lightly boast about
constitutes lingering
self worthlessness bred
if not prior to first grade,
than most definitely incipient,
academic deadlines
loomed large with dread
and exacerbated by procrastination
quickly adopted as linchpin
damned obsessive compulsive
currents (i.e. thoughts) fed
modus operandi, which intricate
schema writ over lifetime invisible
within this talking head
who ironically enough
never uttered a beep
engendered from lack
of confidence, esteem,
somehow worthlessness,
insignificance,
emasculation, et cetera
took root, and didst leap
(axon to neuron)
and said mindset did seep
percolating into every nook,
and cranny comprising
aging shades, transformed
gray matter, sans this
beatle browed bummer, a deep
purple, though easily mistaken
for minuscule Uriah Heap,
or perhaps, ewe might notice,
(albeit while in a sheep
push disposition) similarities
between mine fist
sized thinker, and another creep
pee totally tubular Charles Dickens
character, or maybe
even a commercial
for nano bot sized jeep
grand Cherokee keep
up a moderate clip despite,
and/or because I
oft times feel a light
buzz sensation within me quite
average gummed up noggin
jammed numb skull,
(essentially barren aged
teenage wasteland recently
undergoing gentrification),
(yeah how really) excite
ting, a no brainer fright
fully glommed with peevish
gobbledygook plus worthless,
obsolete, and crammed academic right
hand busily twiddling, scribbling,
and sloppily drafting
error riddled assignments
deliberately failing heavily
marked with bright
colors adding oomph
to mental blight
punctuated by
attaining puny height
(...oh, about seventy inches),
nonetheless, my slight
physique and mute quiet
as a mouse, I might
as well hove been a stand in
for Charlie Brown right
down to the tree eating kite
good grief - never an ending fight
with Lucy, hence now this knight
in rusty armor forever
disparaged his might
and attests to
20/20 hind sight!
My middle aged spread is just spreading
So I thought I should join a new gym
Got to fit in my dress for a wedding
With some exercise I could get thin
I’ve got these new gym pants that sparkle,
And a t-shirt that flatters my tum,
I look like a fat Meghan Markle,
Well, ok, I look like her fat Mum.
I’ve got me a personal trainer
Who’s worked out an exercise plan
And with dieting, it’s a no brainer
Plus, who knows, I might find a new man!
They all hang around by the free weights,
Looking muscly and tanned and exotic,
Saying stuff like “hey, I’ll spot for YOU, mate!”
It’s terribly **********.
I gawp at a steroid packed beefcake
his neat package on full display
Lifting weights with his very good ‘friend’ Blake
It’s a pity they’re overtly gay
I’ve a voucher to try spinning classes
All the cyclists are dripping with sweat
They wobble their cute little ‘asses’
I’m going to get fit you can bet
I might have a go at Pilates
(All those supple but sensitive men!)
But the “down dog” pose makes me quite farty
So I might “blow” my chance there and then.
The Zumba class gets my heart racing
My boobies they wobble like jelly
This gym bug I’m really embracing
It beats sitting down watching telly
Cos it’s fun getting breathless and sweaty
While drinking in all of the sights,
And so long as the staff don’t eject me,
It all counts as cardio, right?
All spent, I lie in the Jacuzzi
My bikini floats off in the bubbles
I look like a desperate floozie
I guess that’s the least of my troubles!
So here’s hoping I gain some more vigour
While my bum shrinks to tiny perfection
Who knows, with my smokin’ new figure
I might pull at the wedding reception!
Written with Nina Parmenter who is a fabulously talented very funny lady and a joy to collaborate with!
2/14/18
To take the vaccine
That is the decision
People must make
On Covid nineteen
A choice to decide
by the close of day
I have just reached that crossroads
knowing that the conspiracy theorists
warn people not to have it. Some deny
the existence of Covid, and claim it is no
worse than just a common cold, but I have
decided I'll receive
the first inoculation
It's an easy decision
A no-brainer for me
Although inoculated
sadly my poor Mum
has caught the virus
I can't visit with her
It's so heartbreaking
because she lives in
a facility that I can't
visit as long as there
is a quarantine edict
CROSSROADS Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues
09/26/21