Best Ho Poems
hey ho
does an octopus know
how to juggle with eight cups and saucers
and the fish watching him
while the elephants swim
then he juggles with a turtle and tortoise
then ho hey
does the octopus say
I can do this all day round in circles
but an ache in my arm
in my arm, in my arm
and so on through all eight tentacles
so hey ho
let the octopus go
to bed nice and early with honey
to rest and recline
for a considerable time
so he doesn’t feel worn out and funny
ho hey
and a new octopus day
refreshed and all ready to juggle
so with cups and with saucers
a turtle and tortoise
but the elephant’s splash makes him struggle
hey hey
that’s not fair that’s not fair
so the octopus went somewhere quieter
where he practised a lot
and a lot more than not
and so now he’s a pro entertainer
Welcome KMart shoppers blares through the air as a mosh pit of greedy Holiday buggers hurl themselves through the glass and aluminum doors—Obese bodies press (children jammed between white-bread). Trolls in strollers screech in pain and howls of Christ mask laughter. The shopper's feet bombard the glossy, line-oh-lea-ummm floors as the overwrought, over-privileged, truffle sniffers, poke through the hundred and fifty percent marked-up—mark-downs, for things they already own in triplicate.
canned music
jiggle bells the room:
torn wrapping paper
My wife and I went for a cruise in the Caribbean Sea,
I decided that I would talk like a pirate ‘till she got sick of me.
I told her that I was going to steal a look at her treasured chest,
Or get my hands on her booty whichever I liked the best.
And if she’d shiver me timber I told her that I would swash her buckle,
She didn’t think too much of my offer but it made me start to chuckle.
I twisted one hand into a gnarled hook and even fashioned for her a peg,
I kept it up until, “Please stop this pirate business,” she began to beg.
But it seems I had an enemy trying to thwart me on the cruise,
A buffet line or my beautiful wife, which one would I choose?
And then they fired their big guns at me from the dessert buffet table,
The carbs took the wind from my sails until my libido wasn’t able.
When you sail the sea with a fork in hand your love life will be fleein’,
Try your best not to surrender yourself to the pie plates of the Caribbean.
Weeeeel, It's friday night
And I got my fiddle
Alfred's here
And he starting to niggle
I said call the dance
And make those folks wiggle
Here at the Soup hoe down
He stood at the mike
And started talkin' silly
with a Do-se-do
Just like a Hillbilly
With an allemande left
Hypocrites to the right
Sashay now, well into the night
Then He called a promenade
With a roll away
Cause He never made a poem
That made Poem of the Day
With a see-saw-taw
And a circle to the line
Freddie slip the clutch
And said good-bye to the grind
‘Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians!
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa’s sissy endowings!
Haul back from Winter Fairy land the wondrous Christmas tree
Open up the boxes with bright ornaments and all the trimming.
Hear the kids shout for Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman oh so merry.
Obedient they are too, like little elves, with visions of toys, their joy brimming
Harness up the horses; get the sled. It’s Jingle bells time for you and me.
Over the snow, the sleigh bells ring. Memories like these will not be dimming.
Written Dec. 14, 2016 for the HO HO HO Contest of Eve Roper
The crowd dots the cavernous hall,
colorfully scatter like a box of fallen jujubes,
a virtual confetti of humanity
with hoots and catcalls, the ruckus roar.
The politicians venture forth unabashedly;
prancing and pandering for chump change
like circus bears on their hind legs,
drool running from the corners of their painted mouths,
captured on camera.
Well-worn platitudes slide through the ether;
wrapped in the crisp new cellophane of twenty-first century jargon
thinly guised in the aroma of hot buttered popcorn;
the moronic masses roar,
behind the orange flames
of plastic lighters.
* The Nader convention Green Part canidacy 2000 Radio City New York.
Ho-hum, another war lost
We should have won
Our new partner for peace ~ the Taliban
Ho-hum, a new school year
First semester's curriculum
Learn whom to FEAR
Ho-hum, we're going all-electric
While 'Mr. Green President'
Begs Russia ~ Pump more oil! Protet us!
Ho-hum, California burns
The no-win solution
Gavin Newsome returns
Ho-hum, Chicago's locked down
No, it's not Covid
It's a murderous town
Ho-hum, soaring inflation
I can still sleep ~ My paycheck's
Indexed to tax machinations
Ho-hum, another day closer
To beckoning the invading hoardes
Come over ~ Here are the keys ~ Take over
When your Ho, Ho, Ho is a no, no, no
Then you must open the lung
Then just blow, blow, blow your Ho, Ho, Ho
It’ll slip right off the tongue
See, your Ho, Ho, Ho must resonate
A sturdy, wordy bellow
That's if you want to replicate
That Big Ole Santa fellow
If your Ho, Ho, Ho just won’t go, go, go
You could sit on some hot coal
Then you know, know, know you will Ho, Ho, Ho
From way deep down in your soul
Merry Christmas
12/25/18
Tally-ho, the young steeplechase rider cried
As his horse stumbled over the barrier he up and died
The rider went flying
He heard as he lay dying
“Welcome cowboy” he heard a voice from the other side
© Jack Ellison 2015
Bowl the ball forward; not back
Someone's leg you just might crack!
Someone's ball is in the gutter?
Oh the things people will mutter!
Hoping you have the knack!
Yo-Ho-Ho And Shiver Me Timbers
Shiver me timbers and loosen me limbers
I sail me sloop until it lin’ers
And drop anchor in t’ nearest lagoon
Bury me treasure chest full o’ doubloons
Then set off durin t’ next full moon
~
“Aarrr!” I’m happy go-lucky sea piratin Cap’n
With a short wooden leg and a limp, earrin’s, and rin’s on every fin’er
Metal silver hook for me left hand
Me cutlass, dagger, and dirk o’ me belt
Not a landlubber at all
~
Not a thin’ scares me that stand in my way
Especially when I’ve had a few grogs in me belly
Aye, I carry around me Ahoy! bucko Polly me parrot on me shoulder
That keeps me on t’ straight and narrow
~
They call me a barbaric and thief I don’t know why
A great insult t’ me, I just laugh into my handkerchief in disbelief
~
Don’t insult me temper because it gets carried away
Sarcasm, rudeness, and insults I cannot help
When swashbucklin’ scallywag get in me way
~
Me hearty weigh anchor
Or I’ll give ye a taste o’ walkin t’ plank
T’ Davy Jones’ Locker you will go and feed t’ fishes for mutinous
Dead men tell no tales!
~
Aye, aye, mates, pull anchor and set sail
I be Silver Hook a feared pirate that sails t’ seas
9/5/2015
Contest Name :A Pirate's Life For Me
Sponsor Name: Kelly Deschler
dragons fly
burning fodder
land hoe.
sea gulls fly
over water
"Land Ho!"
pesky fly
dodging swatter
"Land! Ho!"
deborah burch©
4/11/2012
I was shopping at the mall, and who did I see?
Santa Clause was there, waiting to take a picture with me.
I knocked over a bunch of kids that were standing in line.
"I'm sorry, little brats, but I'm gonna get mine!"
I jumped on Santa's lap and punched him right in the face.
I could hear kids start crying all over the place.
"That's right kids, cry! I'm about to take Santa's life!"
I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a knife.
I said, "Listen up, fatty! All I want is your sled,
and a big bag of cash, or else you're gonna be dead!"
Santa just smiled and shouted, "Give it a try!
I was here before the wheel. There's noway I can die."
Santa was right... A knife wouldn't do.
So I whipped out my gun and I pulled the trigger too.
Kids started running and screaming, but Santa still sat.
Not a scratch on the guy, just a hole through his hat.
He shouted, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" That jolly ol' soul.
Then he reached in his bag and he pulled out some coal.
He threw it at my head and it knocked me out.
Then he turned to the kids and he started to shout!
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
Thats when I woke up, and I was ready to fight.
I punched him once or twice, and started pulling his hair.
Then I got jumped by eight little Elfs that he had with him there.
A reindeer blinded me with it's bright little nose.
A child even hit me with a toy rubber hose.
"Mercy!" I yelled. "I give up! I insist!"
Santa kept on laughing and put me on the notty list...
Be good EVERYONE! I saying that from my soul.
Don't wind up like me with a pile of coals!
Ring a ling, jingling
On a magical fairy tale
Sleigh bells are ringing
Brrr... freezing cold North Pole
“Ho Ho Ho”
Joyous, rolly polly, white beard Santa,
is already singing and swaying
in his white fur trim red velvet suit
ready to put smiles on all his children
big and small out in the world
“Ho Ho Ho”
On Christmas Day
elf’s he’s employed
enjoying their busy work
singing, swinging, and tinkering
to tunes of Christmas music
making lots of noise on a
nimbly, assembly line
creating, never frustrating
new toys to stuff in Santa’s bag
for the joy in delivering
to all the girls and boys
“Ho Ho Ho” Merry Christmas!
Santa’s sleigh just went zooming by.
11/26/2016
Children Story