Best Hairball Poems

In the last ten years
I have
Been looking
In the
Mirror
Aging
Brown spots
Cracks
Wrinkles
Where
Brown
Hair
And
Muscle
Lived
Dances
Barely
Still
The
Cat
Cleans
And
Preens
In
Front
Of
Me
As
I
Work
And
Never
Seems
To
Age...

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If I had a hairball
It would be no wonder
Since I lick and lick and lick all day

All day long, I’m lickin’ on my paws
I am...

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Okay here comes slap happy pappy, at your beck and call
For parties, conventions, or entertaining at the mall
Just set up a booth
Blacken a tooth
And bring...

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Lurking in fuzzy leftovers is seen
A quivering, crawling hairball of green
A florescent prune
Or cheese from the moon
Gurgles gastric, plastic alien spleen

The miser squire requires gluts...

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Cat
Kitty
Licking now
Hairball. Hairball.
Move Yourself Quickly
Foul thing comes out.
Disgusting
Hairball.
Cat...

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White Cliffs of Dover now sponsored in daydreams
Reading each billboard that rusts on the sky
Checking a map though it’s for the wrong city
She sends a...

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My furry friend coughed up a big hairball,
she coughed so hard the darn thing hit the wall,
so while I cleaned up the mess,
wasn't too happy...

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Her brown hair shiny in the sun
Her black hair makes her
invisible at night.
Her pitbull face makes you step back
Her piercing red eyes could hypnotize,
Telling you...

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Humphry Dumphry sat in the hall
Eating a hamburger and things that crawl
A silly old kook
Wearing a tuque
Wee Humphry choking on a dirty big hairball...

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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail...

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Listening to incoherent jabber from Charles Manson
Or a continuos loop of music by Hanson
A summer cold with a nose that's runny
Or Bob Saget trying to...

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Those Obnoxious Facebook Game Requests

By Elton Camp

Anthony’s weiner I’d nearly as soon see
As your game request number thirty-three

You sent another as you’ve done before
And once...

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Who I Seek

When O'Henry our cat is one who I seek
We can always tell by his variable squeak
Which he does instead of going meow
Thought of...

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Please be careful where you sit,
The cat had a coughing fit.
She launched a hairball,
So just be careful.
I wouldn’t want you wearing it.

And be careful where...

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The Cat Drank My Beer

The Cat drank my beer
I left in a cup.
Actually she used her tongue
to lick it all up.

I remember thinking,
this does not...

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