Best Fat Poems
fat girl cries
big fat tears
splash
crash
down her chubby cheeks
down her pillar like neck
which was once
much like a swan
now gone
fat girl sighs
big fat sigh...
a heart groan of a sigh
from the empty place inside
where beauty's not allowed to reside
fat girl sleeps
a big fat sleep
time obliterated
memories conjugated
into happy streams
peaches and cream
all over her dreams
everything perfect...it seems
fat girl awakes
a big fat awakening...
life must go on
she lumbers to the mirror
stares at her big fat figure
rolls here and there
and though she acts
acts like they're not there
she's not allowed to forget
she's not there....
not yet
she exercises
torturous kilometers by
holding on to handles
beginning the treadmill
to help her say goodbye
to the fat girl
who is pretty on the inside
but unseen
unseen
people are so mean
she medicates
they fabricate
rules...
she must subjugate
the need
to drown her sorrows
to eat it all away
why is she alive
alive another day?
fat girl cries
bit fat tears
her big fat fears
grow though she shrinks
kilograms slip away
will it ever be OK?
will they love her for her mind?
will they ever be kind?
to the little girl inside
who tries to hide
fat girl cries
will you dry her eyes?
Eileen Manassian
My favorite cousin named Marge
is almost as big as a barge.
So one would assume,
not knowing the groom,
the guy would most likely be large.
But he was a small man named Tim
“As thin as a broom” describes him.
While Marge would guffaw,
Tim would watch her with awe
and just smile for he was so prim!
When the preacher addressed him and said,
“You may now kiss the bride,” Tim turned red,
for their lips could not meet.
With high heels on her feet,
Marge stood towering over his head.
She leaned down while Tim stood on his toes,
but for being in such a strange pose,
Marge then came toppling down
crushing Tim neath her gown
while the whole church erupted in “Ohhhhh’s.”
All was well, and thereafter, we ate;
then we planned next to dance until late.
But none could foresee
the small tragedy
that had us all leaving by eight!
Marge had tossed off her heels for a glide
on the dance floor, but when they both tried
to dance, Tim got snagged
by that dang gown and dragged
as his bride was beginning to slide. . .
Now shoeless, poor Marge could not stop.
Toward a table with candles on top,
they slid, and the groom
then set fire to the room
by landing with a belly flop.
Poor Tim by the candles got lit,
and we were all having a fit,
for the fire got spread fast
till the Best Man at last
got us all wet extinguishing it!
Inspired by the title of the movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding
& : Joann Grisetti's "My Cousin's Wedding" Poetry contest
Kissing the lips of a fat woman
Is delicious like Tania
It feels like sliding on the slippery floor
But you only will not fall miserably
Kissing her cheeks feels like sucking an ice cream
Hugging a fat woman feels like hugging a mattress
It feels comfortable like the sofa set
Hugging her feels like hugging a novel pillow
Taking her by the hand
Is not taking the cow by the horn
It’s as comfortable as the King’s walking stick
Touching her garment, means you are alive
After loving a fat woman
I did not buy an ice cream
My mattress was no longer comfortable before hugging her
I had to hug her to add to the comfort of my mattress
When she is not there
I am never healed and pass away
She is my comfort zone
A day without her; I kick the bucket
I am a fat oriole from Baltimore
With baseball cap and baseball mitt
I became a star cause well I could really hit
Made my money, to build my nest
Never grew up, cause I was born with good luck
I am a big fat Oriole I say to you
Now I am retired
So I sit in by chair
Eating my Oreos, double stuffed flair
Oriole oriole eating my oreos
I am fat cookie, a Baltimore storio
O harlot of colored scarlet hath divided the spoils
The wealthy, well oiled, prophesy uncertainty
Thee measures of barley spoil not the oil or wine
heavenly leaven is unmeasured, care to take a wager
A bird in hand of human man, faith is in the bush
O little bird, swish the bush, faith is not a human wish
I will laugh at your calamities O harlot
I will turn a deaf ear to thy wails of anguish
As a queen thou has ruled unjustly
Ground the face of the poor of earnest contrite
Thy kings shall cast ashes upon their heads
And call for the mountains, “Come fall on us!”
I will loose the yoke of bondage, Love, sayeth Almighty
For it is just in my sight, I have waited for precious fruit
You have remained aloof of un-cloven hoof, relieved not poverty
Of the absolute you have not partaken, or cheweth the cud
Nor forsaken thine own way, Love commands pay...
...of the illusionary substance death of your own logical way
Fat! As a kid
Well I remember fat!
I always thought I was fat because
My brother called me “Pig!”
Pigs are fat by nature
So I thought “by nature” I am a pig
At school I looked around the room
Saw I was the only pig
The rest were human
Humans (I thought) are slender even skinny
When extra milk was given out
Teacher never selected me
Pigs not being human should be left out so I thought
Pigs should probably be penned
In my mind I was surrounded by a white board fence my feet in mud
When the class sang songs I snorted
When I was 10 mother made me go to Sunday school
The Sunday school teacher a very good kind religious sort of man told us about
GREED
How greed was a sin
I read somewhere “Greedy as a pig”
Being greedy is a sin according to the good kind religious man
Well? GUILT set in
I carried guilt around piggyback for years and YEARS!
THEN
In high school it finally dawned
I wanted a girlfriend
Pigs were out humans were in!
I lost weight FIFTY pounds!
Got me a steady girlfriend
Then I found I really was a human
What a LOUSY thing to be!
The Christmas when Santa got Fat
Kris Kringle rubbed his belly; he was feeling really hungry indeed
Mrs Claus had put him on a diet of what he felt was chicken feed
Brussel Sprouts and Lima Beans and lots of Spinach Green
Life’s unfair when you’re Santa Claus and still your wife is mean.
So what if he‘d piled on the pounds and his belly was very round
He could surely fit down any chimney without the slightest sound
Oh well he thought its Christmas eve , children would put out some snacks
Milk, Cookies and Candy Cane would put his tummy back on track.
He got into his silver sleigh and heaved a mighty sigh
Rudolph, , Prancer and Vixen waved to Mrs. Claus goodbye
He was really very hungry the clouds had begun to look like food
Then again if he asked his reindeers, they would be so very rude
They all agreed with Mrs. Claus, Santa was rounder in his seat
They hadn’t even let him carry his goodie bag of sweets
The last place on his list was the house of Jill and Joe
Aha he fit down the chimney and he heaved a mighty ho
He placed the doll and toy train right underneath the tree
He saw the milk and cookies and rubbed his hands in glee
He ate and ate the yummy snacks till his pants felt very tight
Cheerful now he began to feel Christmas Eve was a jolly good night
They he tried to climb up the chimney but heavens he couldn’t get back
He wriggled and squirmed but had to agree his middle was very fat
Rudolph, Prancer , Vixen he very softly called
You’ll have to pull get me out of here I can’t seem to move at all
The reindeers whinnied suspiciously what Santa felt was a nasty laugh
He now agreed sheepishly why his food had been cut down to half
They heaved and with a mighty yell, Santa came flying out
It was a good thing it was still midnight for no one had heard him shout
When they reached back home the reindeers gleefully recounted the tale
When he saw Mrs. Claus’ angry face, he began to get very pale
But when she gave her sweet belly laugh, Santa heaved a sigh of relief
It’s a good thing they got you out my dear before they thought you were a thief!
It’s a stricter diet for you this year before you revisit Jane and Joe
Or else instead of the chimney, you will have to ask to use the door!.
Fat Bottomed Girls
I've got a bony backside
And it hurts when I sit down
That's why my mood it fluctuates
From black to dirty brown
So I try sitting at an angle
And try not to make a fuss
And grimace as I shuffle
On my gluteus maximus
So when Freddie Mercury sings his song
About 'Fat Bottomed Girls'
I feel the need to don a wig
With tumbling, twinkling curls
And pretend that I am one of them
You see....it is no joke,
To be stuck inside the body
Of this 'skinny bottomed bloke'.
Once upon a time there lived a cat
And this cat was much, much, much too fat.
The mice he did ignore.
His treats came from the store.
The mice were safe unless on them he sat.
by Francine Roberts, for Cat Contest
What's for dinner?
Poor people
With no fat on their bones
you can eat them
and eat them.
They're practically fat free
I heard they can make you sick.
Not if you feed them cheese.
One block of cheese,
and they make a fine commodity.
You sure,
my uncle says ya hafta
dip em first in powdered milk.
Na, as long as ya feed em cheese
yer good.
Okay, gimmee three.
(Sung To The Song "I Will Always Love You" By Whitney Houston...From the film..The Bodyguard)...(1992)
If you do stay
You'll be tempting me to your way
In the bin you now go
I can't risk having you here everyday
Coz I will want to eat you
I will want to taste you
You
My biscuit you
Mmmmmm
Loaded with calories
And the fat thighs given to me
So goodbye
I won't cry
Plus my weight plays havoc with my knees
Coz I will want to bite you
I will want to nibble you
You
You could stay if fat free
And I lost all the weight you gave to me
And hadn't given me chin number three
I favoured you, but now set myself free
And I will always love you
Your soft chocolate goo
Your brown crumbly crumb base
Your sweet biscuit round face
Your taste that I still crave
Each small crumb I would not waste
My
Biscuit, I miss you
I'll always
I'll always want you.
Change The Record Poetry Contest
Sponsor : Natasha L Scragg
Written 15.10.21
I see the fact cats getting fatter
I see the poor folk getting weak
I’m told that somewhere in the bible
We’re told to turn the other cheek
I see the rich man on a drug charge
He’s going get a second chance
jail a poor man who stole to feed his child
,judge say’s we got to take a stance
I see the politician on the Tv
Saying he’s going to make it right
But once he’s got the vote
he’s sitting on his boat
Sipping champagne thru the night.
I see the preacher all high & mighty
Saying we got to help the poor
But then you see his home
Is like the pleasure dome
It’s got me wondering for sure
I see wars in other countries
They just don’t seem to make no sense
The politicians lie, as the innocent die
And survivors live in tents
I see the greed of the few
Out weighs the need s of the many
Because most of those with all the gold
Wouldn’t part with even pennies
Why don’t we do something about this
Why don’t we get up on the floor
Why don’t we do something about it
Lets show these people to the door
Fairies are beautiful, right
Small and cute and sweet
Well, meet the big, fat fairy
with size 9 feet
The others all make fun of me
they glide where i stomp
they twirl and flit and glide away
and all I do is klomp
They wear such pretty dresses
all glittery and bright
I make mind from parachutes
to help me when I fly
Glitter trails follow fairies
all shiny and petite
mine is so big
I fall over it with my big feet
The others fly so prettily
they glide through the skies
I struggle to get off the floor
just battle to even rise
The others laugh and jeer
as I try to swirl and fly
but my bust is so big
I end up with two black eyes
So if you see a trail of glitter
don't think it's just a slug
it could be the big, fat fairy
so be kind and give me a hug.
Narratives or at least that's what I call them
Without doubt win hands down every time
I've deviated with limericks and couplets and stuff
But I'm back to the old poems that rhyme
Very similar to when we go away on vacation
It feels so good to finally get back home
Everytime we deviat from our regular patterns
Though we enjoy it a bunch when we roam
Guess it's familiarity that we're always craving
Friendly faces of the people we know
No hidden agendas, no scams to contend with
Just the same old routine, same old show
Comfortable is a very good word to describe it
That down home feeling when with friends
Like always being in style with jeans and Adidas
Instead of trying to keep up with the trends
Give me that plain old simple way of living
It surely wins hands down ever time
That's how I roll, I'm just a simple old hayseed
Sitting around chewing the fat is just fine
Deep bass breaths blue soothing strong
Play me like Picasso piano all night long
Nibbles at my ear are a peach love song
So dear my heart cheers stringing me along
My knees melt like Swiss cheese
You fill all my gold holes
Fuchsia feelings like destiny
Embraces my heart jumpstart my soul
I am a sandy song
Which you determine kinetic key
Like guitar play teal thong
Make a romantic red melody
Let’s break burgundy rules
Play them like a bugle
Use pink passion as a tool
Use tongue to draw pink doodle
When the fat lady sings
You know that she felt sun
Never mind about denim dreams
She squirts sonnets just for fun