Eileen Manassian | + Follow Poet |
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Fat Girl Cries

fat girl cries
big fat tears
splash
crash
down her chubby cheeks
down her pillar like neck
which was once
much like a swan
now gone

fat girl sighs
big fat sigh...
a heart groan of a sigh
from the empty place inside
where beauty's not allowed to reside

fat girl sleeps
a big fat sleep
time obliterated
memories conjugated
into happy streams
peaches and cream
all over her dreams
everything perfect...it seems

fat girl awakes
a big fat awakening...
life must go on
she lumbers to the mirror
stares at her big fat figure
rolls here and there
and though she acts
acts like they're not there
she's not allowed to forget
she's not there....
not yet

she exercises 
torturous kilometers by
holding on to handles
beginning the treadmill
to help her say goodbye
to the fat girl
who is pretty on the inside
but unseen
unseen
people are so mean
she medicates
they fabricate
rules...
she must subjugate
the need
to drown her sorrows 
to eat it all away
why is she alive
alive another day?

fat girl cries
bit fat tears
her big fat fears
grow though she shrinks
kilograms slip away
will it ever be OK?
will they love her for her mind?
will they ever be kind?
to the little girl inside
who tries to hide

fat girl cries
will you dry her eyes?

Eileen Manassian

Copyright © Eileen Manassian | Year Posted 2016

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Richard Lamoureux Date: 5/25/2017 8:32:00 AM Some great comments Eileen! Hugs Rick. Login to Reply

Bruce Adams Date: 12/19/2016 9:01:00 PM Incredible poem, I think the little girl inside should stop hiding. Nothing but beauty there. Login to Reply

John Fleming Date: 12/14/2016 8:25:00 PM Hhmm...You look pretty appealing to me if you don't mind me saying, Eileen - Pretty as a picture! And who the hell wants a skinny woman anyway? All my very best wishes...And my warmest regards. :) john Login to Reply

Sheila Sacks Date: 12/10/2016 1:19:00 AM We're all losers if we measure our worth against societal norms. We become like those who judge us but we turn on ourselves with much more cruelty. I was told once that what others thought of me was none of my business! What YOU think of yourself is, so love yourself, beautiful woman! Without your love, how can your soul flourish? We are more than the opinions of others. Hugs Sheila Login to Reply

Honestly J.T. Date: 12/8/2016 11:43:00 AM Reading this poem made me think of the actress Brooke Elliot. She's not slender and I believe she's one of the most beautiful women I've seen. If and when you get a chance to see a photo of her, let her be your inspiration. Good poem -JT Login to Reply

Freddie Robinson Jr. Date: 12/2/2016 9:35:00 PM Beautiful truth, this poem is, Eileen. Truth oft times come in hardcover. I loved your spirit of not giving in to others' defeatist attitudes toward you and your goals. I've been on both sides of the weight issue. I've been Olympic lean and badly overweight. I learned to fast and meditate to replace my desire to eat. Best health strategy ever. Oh, can't forget prayer at the top of the list. Lovely angst written poem. Letting it out is good for the soul. Love and peace to you, dear lady. Login to Reply

Frederic Parker Date: 12/1/2016 12:38:00 PM There are many flowers on a rose bush, everyone a different size and yet all are beautiful and all carry the sweetest scent..a fat girls tears should be for those that judge for they do not know how it brings a sickness to their soul..my first thought your poem provoked Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 12/1/2016 4:44:00 PM You would give this angst of a write such a lovely comment, Frederic. I thank you, from the the bottom of my heart. Your post soothes the soul.

Richard Lamoureux Date: 12/1/2016 9:16:00 AM This would be a good companion piece to my "Big Girls Do Cry" I think when we perceive ourselves incertain ways we move towards that reality. See yourself as healthy and strong and that indeed will become your reality. Hugs Rick. Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 12/1/2016 4:45:00 PM It would be great if they could somehow be joined, wouldn't it? Thanks for the visit, Richard. I needed to rant and rave...I'm a bit better now, though I've got another piece along these lines up. Hugs

Laura Leiser Date: 11/30/2016 7:55:00 PM This poem is so powerful with such heartfelt lines. It's sad so many people judge the outer appearance instead of the beautiful person inside. Well written, Eileen! 7++ Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 12/1/2016 1:30:00 AM Thank you, dear. I'm trying to get healthier. I know it is a spiritual battle as well. I've lost about 30 pounds and have more to go. It's hard not to slip into comfort eating when I'm depressed or stressed. It is a constant daily battle to be strong. Thank you for visiting, dear. Hugs

Alexis Y. Date: 11/30/2016 5:16:00 PM Elieen, you have penned such a sad well written piece. I could totally relate to this heartfelt write.It's so sad that we live in a society that judge us based on the outside appearance. All I know is you are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart. Your beauty shines from the inside out:-) Alexis Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 12/1/2016 1:32:00 AM Thanks, sweetie. It's comments like this that give me the strength to keep going on. It is a daily struggle, but a worth while one. I want to have better health. The pounds are slipping away, but....sometimes...I wonder if I will ever be good enough for some people. I appreciate your thoughtful words, dear. Bless you for caring.

Ilene Bauer Date: 11/30/2016 4:23:00 PM this is so sad, eileen, but beautifully written! it's unfortunate that people are so quick to judge others and put them down for not conforming to society's idea of beauty, which would make everyone the same. vive la difference! Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 12/1/2016 1:35:00 AM Thank you, sweetie! It was be a sad world if we all looked the same. I'm pear shaped...and no matter how much I lose...I will always be that way. A fruit salad of only pears would be boring...I'm glad you understand. The important thing is to be in good health. There are no vital organs being squished in my thunder thighs! ;) Oh, well....I'm doing better today. Thank you for caring. Hugs

Paul Callus Date: 11/30/2016 3:14:00 PM I understand how you feel and the need to get this out of your system. You have been doing great with your exercising and I am proud of you. I am sure that people close to you want the best for you. I can also relate to you feeling down with flu...I'm still getting over my lingering bad colds. Smile, things will only get better:) Hugs // paul Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 3:32:00 PM I have missed you, my collaborator. I'm sorry I've been silent. Came back from Brazil with a chest infection...took antibiotics. Went to Cyprus over the weekend and got the flu. I'm just having a pity party. Thanks for coming to share some joy, dear. You are always welcome....I'm not giving up on losing weight. It's just...sometimes you need to hear more of how much you've accomplished than of how far you still need to go... :( I'm sure you understand. Sending hugs all the way to Malta. Hope you feel better soon...

Charmaine Chircop Date: 11/30/2016 3:10:00 PM I don't see fat or thin in people Eileen...Honestly...I see.beyond that...I see.the.beauty.in the eyes and in the way one acts...the beautiful soul and heart.Eileen you were beautiful..and you are still very beautiful to me inside and out..I promise you. Login to Reply Charmaine Chircop Date: 11/30/2016 4:17:00 PM Eileen...you ve done so so exceptionally good already ..So its already an amazing target reached...So dont give up sweetie..If you need a day break ..take it...Then start over..but you were amd are so beautiful to me dear. Btw..there are three new poets worth reading...James Andersen...Chris Green and Paloma..Im sure there are more..but wished to tell you about them..Big big hugs. Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 3:26:00 PM It's a difficult night for me, dear. I'm down...I had a footnote explaining more, but decided it was too personal so I removed it. I just sometimes get tired of trying to measure up to people's expectations. I know it's best for me...but I just get tired sometimes. Thanks for being my soul sister. Not everyone sees the world as you do, beautiful one. You are a blessing to know. Hugs

Dino Spahillari Date: 11/30/2016 2:02:00 PM I agree and I feel it.Very touching poem. Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 2:12:00 PM Thank you, Dino. I just needed to get it out of my system. Didn't do much editing on it...Sometimes you just need to let the pain go. Thanks for reading.

Tim Smith Date: 11/30/2016 1:49:00 PM Do what feels good for you...I can see who you are...it's hard not to be the "right size" in their eyes...you speak for many who can't muster the words...excellent post Eileen Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 2:11:00 PM Thanks, Tim. It's good to have a support group. I don't think people realize the real fear that a person in recovery has of not being able to reach their goals. When you lose 14.5 kilos and all people say is you have so much more to go.....it is so demotivating. Thanks for the kind post. I'll be better soon. Hugs

CayCay Jennings Date: 11/30/2016 1:40:00 PM This skinny stick will dry eyes from a senseless, but all too real cry. How I wish you could tell this issue good bye. It isn't who you are, it isn't even close to being who you are. The poem is beautiful in its depression, emotional in all that is felt and painful in its depression where there should be joy. A good write, a tough subject - so I leave a prayer for your highest good and insight ... CayCay Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 2:09:00 PM Thanks, dear. I'm so tired of the struggle. I've lost about 14.5 kilos and I have more to go. It hurts when I feel I don't measure up to people's standards of beauty. That just makes me want to rebel and turn to food. :( We all have our ways of coping with stress and depression. They anti-depressants I'm on also tend to make me gain weight. Oh well....Tomorrow is a new day. Love you, CayCay. Bless you, sweetie...

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 11/30/2016 1:35:00 PM - Dear Eileen, a deep and sad poems - See this beautiful lady in the mirror ... she has a beautiful smile and sparkling eyes ... a beautiful hair ... a loving husband ... a beautiful daughter ... she is no queen, but she is unique and has a heart of gold ... tell her ... "I love you the way you are" ... no more tears, my friend ... life is too short - big hugs // Anne-Lise :) Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 2:07:00 PM Thanks, Sunshine. Your name is so so fitting. I'm just a little tired tonight. I've been struggling with the flu and have been unable to get back to my exercise routine. SIGH. It's just one of those nights. It will pass. Thanks for the lovely words of encouragement. I needed to read them. Bless you

Jan Allison Date: 11/30/2016 1:27:00 PM Oh Eileen such an emotional poem and the notes at the bottom of the poem brought me to tears - he should be proud of you and love you as a wonderful daughter irrespective of your size and wow well done for losing so much weight - I am sure you look EVEN MORE amazing now ... dry those tears ...be happy in your skin:-) hugs jan xx Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 2:04:00 PM Thanks, sweetie....I have since deleted that bit. Perhaps it was too much to share. I just....I tried so hard to impress him on this recent visit to Cyprus. I want him to be proud of me...I'm so scared of gaining weight. It's a constant struggle for me....Thanks for understanding, sweetie. Sometimes we just need to vent. Love you...

Chris Green Date: 11/30/2016 1:23:00 PM Eileen, this one hurt to read. The emotions and the not meeting up to expectations was so string and felt so deeply. To answer your question, yes, he should be proud of you for who you are because true beauty is inside, not outside. I'm my opinion you are more than good enough. You are extremely talented that is evident. Maybe it is just his way of saying he is concerned for your health or something like that. Fathers don't always say things the right or best way. Keep smiling Eileen and writing Login to Reply Eileen Manassian Date: 11/30/2016 1:32:00 PM Thanks, Chris.....I deleted that footnote. I do love my dad, and I know he wants what's best for me. I'm just a little tired of the whole thing at the moment....I'm sick with the flu and it doesn't seem to want to go away so I can get back to my exercise program. Oh well....Thanks for the kind note, dear. Blessings.