Best Dumb Poems
I was changing a tire and the neighbor walked by
Stood and looked a while, then he said Hi
Got a flat? he asked and this made me grin
I said no, just changing the old air and putting new stuff in.
Was coughing and sneezing. My throat was on fire
Got a bad cold? My wife did inquire
No, it's not really bad. It is a good one
I love watery eyes and watching my nose run.
I was on a bus and on my newspaper I sat
The guy next to me asked "Are you reading that"
I said yes. Reading through your butt is all the new rage.
Then I stood up and turned the page.
Dentist hit a nerve and I came up out of the chair
Did that hurt? He asked as though he really did care.
I said no, there was a spiritual woman I used to date
And she was teaching me how to levitate.
I hit a pothole with my car one night
It made such a loud noise it gave my wife a fright
Didn't you see it she began to cry
Of course I did. I hit it. Didn't I.
Once I tripped on one of my little guy's toys
Fell down the stairs and my wife heard the noise
Did you miss a step? She screamed from the hall
I said "No Dear, I think I hit them all."
The ***********
It has no brain
yet it outsmarts
many little red funny caps
thanks to them
xi virus
will be great again
Wish I was dumb
easily amused
Too thick to get hurt
not care if confused
Walk around half-gone
stare at the whole truth
Shrug my shoulders
right before I shoot
Being dumb’s simple
takes boredom away
too dizzy to feel down
or deflated in any way
Gazes at a cellphone
giggles at silly memes
More so the same sh!t
a billion times seen
Dumb has it good
needs little to do
Stares at the sky
never dawns why it’s blue
Sees a vivid sunset
pulls down the blind
Quickly falls asleep
with a blacked out mind
Dumb wears the T-shirt
gets soaking wet
Catches a fever
believes it’s no sweat
Eats crap all day
doesn’t care if sick
Ends up on a drip
watches it for a kick
Dumb and numb
guitars that won’t strum
A vacant skull
muffled out drum
Won’t beat itself up
as a rule of thumb
My world’s so f•ucked
dumb’s remains plumb
* * *
the world’s cleverest man once said ~ nothing to me ~ he wanted a life
By
David Kavanagh
someone who describes something as being dumb ~ not considered a chum
my opponent in a rugby game at the scrum ~ I would overcome
one who is hungry when I've a juicy plum ~ I'd not give up a crumb
message given with the beat of a drum ~ and down pointed is my thumb
deleting that word might appease some ~ but too late to change the outcome
what's dumb, dumber, or dumbest ~ it's not a riddle as you might have guessed
and now I'll let it go
Sho' ain't no riddle
There’s no time to twiddle
So just for a diddle
May I play and piddle
And then perhaps fiddle
Around with your middle?
Down, so many things forced down,
they force you look down, lie down,
even music tracks “comma, down, doobee down.”
The tracks the coyote left in the snow
drew my eyes down, the cat is missing.
Poor half-bitten stray, already a gimp,
I bet he was overcome and went down,
down by the riverside
down by …
Yes, the down-drums,
I ain’t going to worry war no more,
I ain’t going to worry war no more.
Yeah, right—
Of course, there are some good downsides
when a lover goes down, but all and all,
I prefer the upbeat,
to the beat-down
the suburbs to the
downtown.
Fisrt Published by Clockwise Cat Jan 2015
The Squirrel climbed a tree in a dash
While climbing he got a big gash
He went to the store
In through the door
But soon found he forgot his cash
Teacher once said to the young pupil, "Why are you always struggling? You don't even know how to read and write. The whole school year is almost over... what do your parents do?"
The pupil replied, "I was not born perfect and I don't cheat. I read and write and make everything out of my own mind."
The teacher continued, "You better stop writing if you can't do better in a writing class!"
"Someday, I will learn how to read and write better..."
The pupil respectfully bade farewell to the teacher and walked away.
I remember a girl from the slums who's life was really humdrum.
To peer pressure she would succumb so her so called friends started calling her dumb, until she became numb.
They told her, she would always live in the slum, the only men that would date her were scum and to her, only a house full of babies would come.
Saying those nasty things to keep her under their thumds, only she didn't dance to the beat of their drums, for she knew she had complete control of her outcome.
Well, years passed and she did overcome, no longer under their thumbs nor do she live in the slums because she has a very hefty income, now they want to call her chum.
Beware of who you call Dumd, you have no idea of the outcome.
**** **** **** ****.
There.
I got it outa my system.
The duck and the truck
met the buck and the other duck
and they all live happily thereafter.
VaxxiBillions
The majority of splendid minds
the minority a jar of pickled brains
over six billion shots
freedom to live
not die of ignorance
Without, most would not even be here
I remember the black plague
of the 1600's
people were stupid back then
death fed on them
ignorance is the twin of evil
Why was he wearing
a large pumpkin on his head?
Dimwit or silly?
comical movie
had me laughing in stitches
crazy versus crazier
kookie zany men
driving across the country
short on common sense
a bag of money
returning to the owner
brings total chaos
Lloyd and Harry, two dim witted men
they made me laugh, laugh, then laugh again
with their innocent acts
slapstick, gags and wisecracks
I love this movie, well now and then.
Nowt funnier than dumb and dumber
this great film makes me laugh and blubber
so fills my mind with glee
because they are like me
I'm stupid, but a lot chubbier.
3/13/2018
contest, favorite comedy movie,
Sponsored by: Alexis Y.
I put sunscreen on arms, legs and face,
Walked the beach at a leisurely pace –
But the tops of my feet
Are now red as a beet
For I didn’t wear shoes in that place!