Best Conditioner Poems
~TAKE MY MONEY ~
Crimson Joy, L'Oreal Lips, DOLCE & GABBANA eyewear
Mascara from beyond LONDON Bridges
Like the pretty face found in front of Vanity Fair
What can I say? Perfect -- goes with my daily addiction
A beautiful morning cup, STARBUCKS got my money
It's not more or less the cost or taste.
It's all about my dependency, with popular brand names
Shopping from place to place --- with a smile on my face
VICTORIA SECRET and the way she wears her bra.
$72 dollars it's time to double up them d's
Christmas Red and December Blue
Walmart can't pick up my bust the way she claims with trust.
Hot Topic's on my dark fashion list, Star Wars decor to explore
Obsessed with any accessory from the Walking Dead?
Bennie, blankets, epic shirts with gore, spending $200.00 more
Vulture is a man, with no hair, sat me down on his chair
"Try, this mam' a flat iron that works like MAGIC."
"Did you say magic?"
Didn't ask how much, once he commenced caressing my hair
Straight and silky like when I first bought the Evolution Wand
I tried to resist, however, I swear I heard the Iron call my name
This time, I promise to use it more than once
Between you and I - I don't even care to do my hair
Next thing you know, I own the Lioness curler iron too
With Expensive shampoo and conditioner.
What can I say, Buy 2 get the third one free
Finally, I felt - I got the best bargain possible
I won't even tell you how much I paid
You'd probably think, $189.00 is steep
How could I say no?
He threw in a heating glove, that's what I call Consumer Love.
Heading home, I spot Best Buy, needing a case for my iPhone 6 plus
Strolling near aisle 3, I hear Dr. Dre, started some new beats
Falling in love with the level of quality, $299.00 how can that be?
I put a pink pair in my basket, they have to be special and unique
After all, $299. Means they are popular :)
Bargains here bargains everywhere, check out time, I paid 550 dollars
I'm so proud of myself today, I saved and gained 101 points
Happy and dandy I feel complete,
I will end, my freestyling write
With uplifting words --- Aren't you lucky I'm not your WIFE???
~PD~
WELCOME TO MY WORLD
TRUE STORY
Men enjoy the smell of Camel cigarettes at the check-in counter
just like they enjoy the sound of bones tapping on wood
in the late AM in the hallways. Stilettos are from God.
Then, the slow tapping at his door. The heart beats more.
The drunkenness of his eye. They enjoy.
Spider-like, how both women with dyed
blonde hair and coarse, rubicund skin
crawl to John on the bed.
The strange car downstairs with lights on still waits outside.
The women begin to kiss each other’s lips.
One with a small bump above her lip
quickly hooks her fingers at the top edge of his pants.
One bends down in front of him. The other, with her hands, touches what is sacred.
The rickety sound of the window air conditioner shakes and rattles.
The old stench in the carpet swells.
Outside, the rain begins to pour sideways. It bangs dramatically on the roof.
The man working the late shift behind the front counter
with an old, small TV on his lap is drunk again.
A sound of something on the floor moves. He lazily opens his eyes and sees nothing and closes them.
A light-skinned, middle-aged black man in a car parked car outside
with the windshield wipers still on waits in silence.
His body is slumped towards the steering wheel, gun in his hand
as if he was waiting for a sign to make a move if he had to.
We live as kings and queens of yesterday could only dream
Central heat, plumbing, air-conditioning, washers and dryers too
We shower once or twice a day, with conditioner and shampoo
Steak every night should we want it, followed by cake and ice cream
So why all the self-absorbed anxiety? Why all the alienation?
You'd think we'd be glad of more time to exercise our imagination
Difference is royalty had servants who responded to their every command
Kings and Queens had lively instantaneous conversation on demand
Dependent on machines, woe are we
Leading emotion-free lives
of people-less poverty
Determined to see Wimble done
She turned on her TV for fun
Net Assault
Thump Thump "Fault!"
Ilene's air conditioner won!
My husband John and I
We're sitting down for tea,
Suddenly I spied
Something black in front of me
John put down his teacup
And with a look of complete surprise
Said, "What was that black thing
That flashed before my eyes?"
The black thing whizzed across the room
Then disappeared out of sight,
We had been out all day so
All our doors and windows
Were closed tight
The room was quiet,
We could not hear a sound
Not the squeak of a mouse
Or the flap of a wing,
In the air or on the ground.
The black thing had vanished,
Into thin air.
No rodent or bird,
Found anywhere.
Was it a bat?
Or baby rat?
Rat's don't fly,
So it couldn't be that.
The black thing flashed past,
At such a pace,
It would help if you were slower to notice features or face.
It seemed to disappear,
Into the air conditioner,
High up on the wall
If it did, there was still no sound,
No chirp, tweet or squawl
We turned off the heating,
In case the black thing
Had got inside
And it had died.
What an evening that turned out to be,
A conundrum indeed for John and me.
We are waiting for a call,
For the technician to take the conditioner
Off the wall.
To solve the mystery
Of who that unwelcome guest can be.
Not strictly impossible to like when loved,
like you like to love..
love to watch you brush your long hair,
especially when you don't necessarily
notice me liking you there.
Like the swish of your air conditioner fans
and the cool breeze when they air condish..
so like long walks with a short blonde
when she's feeling loved, secure,
and unselfish.
Like the setting of your sun, the dimming of my day,
though another autumn's begun, still like to remember
our May.
There! exciting anticipation of a summer night's kiss,
holding your hand, feeling the warmth on my skin-
leaves me wondering what's more right than you,
than us,
than this.
Some pretty brown birds nesting on a tree
Prank frequently at my other room balcony
Apparently, they were once the main culprits
Of messing it up, bringing a variety of leaves and twigs
They also build thin nests behind my air conditioner
When an egg drops, they may reckon I’m aborting their daughter
One day, I wondered what had sprouted on the floor
At a grimy nook, not quite far from my door
When I looked closely, I was so skeptical
It was a great masterpiece of these clever winged pals
I was so certain that it was not a moss or a grass
But a vine bearing flowers with pretty purple petals
After a week, it revealed exuberantly itself
A lush vine of string beans, I didn’t sow by myself
Was it dropped by those birds or sowed by an invisible elf?
Oh, if it has grown taller than my room, I must have cried for help!
As it crawled and climbed up to the balcony wall
In fascination, I deigned not to ask questions anymore
It climbed up freely to a wall’s faucet as its sturdy trellis
And feasts proudly, spreading its huge and verdant leaves
In tandem was the bearing of its long string bean fruits
Heavily laden, their numbers had no hints – that was a bird’s hoot
I harvested thrice while my smiles were all in glints
And had a delicious vegie salad twice from my lovely magic bean
My last harvest was meant for the next crops
I took all beans from the fruits just for drying up
The brilliant brown birds will no longer need to drop
New seedlings from their magic beans are now growing in pots
I thanked those kind creatures for the magic beans they’ve given
Growing them in my concrete room balcony was like a dream
It wasn’t a fairytale at all, I’ve already given myself a pinch
And my balcony even magically turned into a mini vegie garden
Jan. 31,2015 11.15pm
By: LG
-This is a true story: an experience last July, 2014
First Place
Contest: Magic Beans
Judged: 2/14/2015
Sponsor: My all time favourite and loving poet sis, PD
Ah, the glorious damned winter
and the inviting
gray chill in the air.
I meander
ever
so
slowly
past lawns
strewn
with a cluttered array
of pagan snow zombies -
staring blankly,
as I obliterate pint-sized
snow angels
failing to don halos
that could have easily been
brush stroked with
da Vinci's golden teardrops.
(Impoverished attention-getters)
"I suggest you peruse Alighieri’s 'Inferno' –
it may, at least, promote heat - if not hope!"
(Simpletons)
Frost continues to cloud my spectacles -
thick and relentless
eagerly permeating the glass -
endeavoring to dance
a feverish Fantasia foxtrot
upon the skins of my pupils.
My heavy feet scuffle
past these endearing peasants.
Bleak…frozen…
forgotten Mt. Everest tombstones.
Disgraced outcasts of embarrassment -
smashed against a stark white canvas
hands cut off –
sticking out their parched tongues
begging for alms.
Click and count.
Their fragile bodies so much alive
their dark, hallowed eyes
so
much
dead.
(So be it)
They stealthily huddle alone -
(Hah! I’ve created my own personal oxymoron!)
These gruesome street urchin waifs -
Dumber than a sackful of hammers and
frostier than a Maine Christmas morn,
convulsing and shivering ‘neath lampposts
without snow shoes or socks,
bawling and boo-hooing...
“Clutching weather-worn copies
of James Hilton’s 'Lost Horizon'
and littering the virgin snow
with salty saline discharge –
igniting street corner bonfires
without the faintest hint of smoke."
(Wasteful)
Ah, the glorious damned winter
and that magnificent gray chill in the air.
My arctic thighs carry me home now
where I am safe.
Where I can slam my door
and shut my eyes.
My cavernous domicile
whereas I can privately converse
with Mr. Dickens and Mr. O’Neill
and read “A Christmas Carol”
or “The Iceman Cometh” -
without a snaggle-toothed interruption...
Listen to the haunting strains of L’Inverno
from Vivaldi’s “Le Quattro Staggioni”
and cackle wildly as I burn first editions
of Clement Clark Moore’s
most infamous penning -
pour myself a
tall glass of ice cubes -
devour a heaping bowl
of vichyssoise -
scarf down a fudgcicle
and just...
turn the air conditioner
ON.
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d have a laptop installed in every tree
a GPS for lionesses
robots for cleaning messes
there'd be no need for marking territory with pee
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d stop this stuff of parading around in the buff
there'd be a law against snoring
silk blanketed flooring
and no loud roaring trying to prove that your tough
If I was the King of the Forest
I,d have a delivery boy deliver my meat
Hunting and gathering might be bold
but what about when I get old?
Besides I,ll eat the delivery boy for my treat
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d have a stylist to do my mane
I,d use the best shampoo
some conditioner too
Hey, if you're the King you're supposed to be vain
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d invite the Whole World for a unique meet and greet
from the bankers to the florists
you can all be the tourists
and have a chance to sit in the King's seat
If I were the King of the Forest
it would be a great and wonderful town
I,d build a fast modern train
with a sign that says, "Come Again"
Heck, I'd even let you try on the King's crown!
I Hate Home Depot!
I hate Home Depot!
Just the sight of that
orange and white sign
makes my stomach turn.
However I know every
square inch of that store,
I’ve spent
thousands of hours there
as a paying customer.
I know what all is in the
garden section for all of the seasons.
I know where to go to find the
nuts, screws, nails and bolts. I can guide you
through the wallpaper and
the paint section.
I’ve bought sheets of plywood, lots of pcv pipe,
dozens of American Standard toilets,
ceiling fans, light fixtures, HVAC systems,
generators, even a riding lawn mower.
I’ve bought paint and waited to have it
mixed properly. I’ve rented
and driven dozens of their trucks before.
I’ve bought power drills, leaf blowers
screwdrivers, hammers, cabinets,
patio furniture, a refrigerator, an oven,
and an air conditioner.
I’ve even rented a carpet cleaner too!
But I could care less, if I ever step foot
in a Home Depot ever again. All of my hours
clocked in that store went to the benefit
of my ex.
He was the one that financially,
emotionally and personally
gained from my presence in
Home Depot.
So what was the point of me acquiring
all of that knowledge that didn’t benefit
me at all then and probably won’t benefit
me ever again?
It seems like such as waste of my time
and energy now.
Believe me when I say
I would rather watch paint dry than
go to Home Depot, I mean ever word
of that statement!
One summer I practically read all of
War and Peace in the orange and
white store from Hell!
But I can show you how to repair a large hole
in a piece of sheetrock. I know how to
paint the inside and the outside of a house.
I know how to install travertine in a house,
slanted and straight.
I have installed granite countertops,
hardware for a sink and the basin too.
Many other home improvement projects
I learned there.
What a fool I was!
Oh well, that’s life.
Who knows maybe
someday I’ll use some
of that knowledge that I
hated every minute learning!
JIMMY CARTER
There's so many shortages
we don't know what to do
we're outa gas and coffee beans
and outa money, too.
The congress hasn't been much help
and peanuts just won't do,
so Jimmy please be good for us,
and we'll be good for you!
Well my car's a little bit
extravegant, I know,
it's got an air conditioner
and 440 makes it go!
And every time I step on it
it pours the gas right through
and congress doesn't like my car,
but they drive guzzlers, too!
Well Jimmy Carter's leading us from desperation
and he's trying to save the family car
but the road hog is a gasser
and the gas ain't no cheaper
at the rate that we're goin now---we won't go far!
© ron wilson aka vee bdosa the doylestown poet
The September days can get very hot
Turn on the air conditioner, then it's not
By late afternoon you are cold again
Turn off the air and let evening set it
The very next day you wake up to a chill
Is that really frost on your windowsill
Get out the sweaters and turn up the heat
The days to come this activity we'll repeat
We are just now entering the first of November
Much talk of a heat wave, so try to remember
Weather change happens so don't lose your cool
Predicting the weather makes a smart man a fool
Author Eileen Clark
click click, click click, tick-tock, tick-tock,
the clock seems to tick not as fast as one wants,
the air conditioner stops now they can hear you chew,
after the first week, you knew this wasn't the right job for you.
two years go by, collectively this repetition makes the time fly
but each day feels like two weeks in the mind,
a backwards reality, a 21st century tragedy, too much of this will make one mad you see, its just not natural - self destruction will take place gradually
in search of a new end goal, something nourishing to the soul, perhaps a little creative control, a bit more spiritual, and a little less ritual,
how about less them, and a little more you, knowing you have the ability to pursue anything you want to do, but for now you keep your head down just trying to see the day through and then forcefully recoup - praying the IT department doesn't notice you scrolling down poetry soup:)
Hey Mr Doggy, you are as tall as me
I am doing you a favour, stand still and you will see
I am going to wash and dry you, and make you smell so nice
Because at the minute, you smell like my dead mice.
Mummy told me off when; I washed my mice in the bath
I thought they would like a swim, but that idea was naff.
She told me not to bathe things that are smaller than me
So I am going to wash you, you will like it, just wait and see.
You have curly hair; I want to brush it out
Mummy uses conditioner on me, so it doesn’t make me shout
I haven’t got conditioner so I am using some stuff I found
It doesn’t look too bad, and it only cost a pound.
Please let me scrub you now, as I am not in a rush
I already washed daddy’s car, I found a wire brush
It’s made some pretty silver lines and he will just love them
Some look like flowers, on a very long stem.
I have my bucket of water; I found the water in the loo
So don’t worry please Mr Doggy, I know it looks all blue
You will be the cleanest dog, anyone ever saw
And mummy won’t be mad, when she sees my messy floor
I didn’t mean to do it but when the fish wanted to play
I thought they might like a walk as it is a sunny day
It took me ages to catch them, the silly little fish
And they weren’t very happy when I left them in that dish
They didn’t seem to like it when I took them from the tank
And when they went to sleep, they began to smell quite rank
I tried to put them back but when I dropped them in
I fell and pulled the tank off and it didn’t half make a din
So now I am cleaning up, everything I see
And I know mummy and daddy will be pleased with me
So Mr Doggy, please stand still and let me get you clean
I even have some paste that says your teeth will gleam.
© 12/06/2013
Contest Entry: Little Lad and Big Dog
Remaining time on our holidays we headed for
Ontario. It was the hottest of hot days
And sweat poured off our skins like it was dry
Desert heat upon the earthly sands
Throwing our air conditioner to full throttle we
Realized that we had chocolate bars in the back seat
In this heat they melted right inside the wrappers
Pretty soon we felt like we were melting inside our skin
8/19/13
note--it was 42 C everyday that week we were gone.
Not an enjoyable road trip