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From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration?


Blog Posted:11/5/2013 4:54:00 PM
A total Jedi mind fuck from Hell is what this is. I feel like a nuclear bomb has exploded in my mind of Hiroshima proportions and I am on the brink of a Chernobyl meltdown. Bewildered may be the best description of what I am feeling right now. I cannot process anything; I feel like I am in total and utter fucking shock. I apologize for the expletives; I normally never curse when I write because I find it uncouth, but I have to get these feelings out; I know if I don't, I will want to cut, which is the last thing in the world I want to do. God knows I have enough scars; I don't need or want anymore.

From great pain comes great inspiration, I believe. Even though my mind is positively reeling at this very moment as I type, I feel exponentially inspired. I am completely overwhelmed emotionally, and I have just now stopped sobbing and weeping enough to write; to get these horrid feelings out of me.

Even the smallest of troubles or strife turn into absolute tragedy and catastrophe in my mind; I cannot help or control it, and God knows I wish I could. I "catastrophize" everything.

My best friend of 15 years just called me and told me she was moving to Alabama. I shouldn't even say "best friend" for she is more like a sister to me. Always, always she has been close by and been there for me as I have been for her, and now she is moving what seems like galaxies away from me, and the pain I am feeling is so tremendous and shocking; so unnerving and vexing and tormenting and afflicting...I could go on forever with melancholy and exasperating adjectives and descriptions. In my mind, she is dead and I am hosting the funeral in my brain. That's totally insane; I understand that, but at this moment I am NOT rational. For a moment after I stopped crying my eyes out, I almost felt catatonic. In my partner's arms, I just wept as he held me; I was shaking and shuddering furiously. I feel lost. I haven't felt this powerless or helpless since my grandparents died. She is moving away and there is nothing I can do about it. I am a horrible and selfish human being for I want her to stay, so desperate do I feel. Wendy, my sister, my best friend, my partner in crime; my cohort, consort, comrade, co-conspirator: you who know me best, inside and out, like a book...you are leaving me, and my sorrow is swallowing me whole- devouring me like an angry, rabid beast. Don't go; don't leave me. With every fiber of my being I wish you to stay, but you've made up your mind and told me your decision at the worst possible time, when I am already too stressed to deal with or process this kind of pain and anguish in a healthy way. I'm ready to hit the bottles: whisky and Lortab. They will ease the pain and will quell the compulsion to cut.

This is the most personal blog I have written. I didn't know what else to do but turn this despair into words to help ease the heartache and suffering. If anyone cares, I need support right now. I need prayers and well wishes and good vibes; I am about to crumble to pieces. I feel like the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I don't know what to do. This is the worst feeling in the world. Uncertainty is truly the worst of all ailments.

~Chan
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  1. Date: 11/9/2013 11:12:00 AM
    Chan, so sorry to see you going through such feelings of despair. She must have her reasons for having to make a change. You will still be in contact. I hope you can find some sort of comfort in understanding that she must make decisions that will be beneficial to her. Change is difficult, I know.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/25/2013 8:11:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    It is difficult, indeed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights, Karen <3
  1. Date: 11/6/2013 4:37:00 PM
    Sorry this happened. Such sadness does not often bring poetry out in me but a few times I wrote from my anger or sadness.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/25/2013 8:10:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Andrea :)
  1. Date: 11/6/2013 10:03:00 AM
    For a guy who does not consider anything but Rhyming as poetry your profile is surprisingly poetic. Your description of yourself is well expressed! On the note of your blog I hope you and your friend find a way to maintain your special connection.

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    That Archaic Poet Avatar Just That Archaic Poet Date: 11/6/2013 1:21:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you, my friend :)
  1. Date: 11/5/2013 10:53:00 PM
    Just want to thank you all in one big post for all the love, kindness, encouragement and support everyone has given me tonight. All of you helped get me through this evening. The outpouring of empathy has helped me more than I can ever express. I deeply appreciate all of my friend coming to my rescue tonight; it means the world to me and I cannot thank you all enough. Much love to you all, and thank you a million times over <3 ~Chan

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  1. Date: 11/5/2013 7:51:00 PM
    It's amazing the variety of things which can set us reeling! Can I say, "I'm on the same page?" I would suggest more TOUCH! [I know I know, a massage therapist thinks massage cures everything BUT it really HELPS!!] Go get a REAL massage feel loving kindness & nurture from a total stranger shows you the GOOD side of being human is in all of us! Really! a steady routine of a massage every 2 weeks is a heck of a lot cheaper and more painless than what you mentioned. [Also write poetry rant poems I am going to soup mail you the one I wrote cause I can post it on soup] BIG HUGS Light & Love [ps stop saying the bad words ;) it really doesn't help!]

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  1. Date: 11/5/2013 7:16:00 PM
    Chan: My comments about your poem were flip, not appreciating the situation's gravity. My dear friend in life, Johnny, was like Wendy is for you. I have memories, but they end in 1992. My wife and her friend, Kathy, though 1,500 miles apart, call every Saturday--a tradition from their favorite song together: "Come Saturday Morning" I'm going away with my friend. With loss, the senses compensate. Not immediately but soon. You can call, Skype with video, Facebook with pictures, rhymes and words. And, once a year, plan to get together somewhere. Build the traditions. Your heart will become strong. I promise. I have seen it. You'll have all the memories...and more.

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  1. Date: 11/5/2013 6:58:00 PM
    Chan The Man I already have one friend ( my BFF ) in pain right now scaring me with things she said.. I don't need another one doing the same thing. I will tell you what I told her. Take it one step at a time. The hurt will go away sooner than you think. Your friend may be moving away, but she will ALWAYS be in your heart, soul, mind and memories. So PLEASE don't do anything to hurt yourself. Promise me you will not do anything drastic. Who am I going to write to everyday if you do. Hugs and Love Sweet Pea

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    davis Avatar robin davis Date: 11/5/2013 7:00:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Bad boy using all those nasty words. Shame on you. LOL My virgin ears are in shock. HEE HEE ( trying to make you smile )

My Past Blog Posts

 
What's So Phunny?
Date Posted: 8/20/2014 12:32:00 PM
In Out Up Down
Date Posted: 8/20/2014 1:11:00 AM
Salutations, my dear friends!
Date Posted: 8/9/2014 12:51:00 PM
Trouble-Makers!
Date Posted: 3/26/2014 11:19:00 AM
Through the Looking Glass
Date Posted: 3/21/2014 2:00:00 PM
I'm Ready for My Close Up, Mr. DeMille!!!!!
Date Posted: 3/18/2014 5:22:00 PM
Artpocalypse PentaStar
Date Posted: 3/3/2014 1:28:00 PM
So Mad I Can't See Straight!!!!! : Seeing Stars
Date Posted: 2/20/2014 11:35:00 AM
Inappropriate Laughter: A Series of Short but Embarrassing Memoirs
Date Posted: 2/17/2014 4:22:00 PM
New/Old Collage Art Piece :)
Date Posted: 2/12/2014 12:39:00 AM
More Pentagram/Optical Art
Date Posted: 2/8/2014 4:20:00 AM
You Wanna Know Something that Gets on My Nerves?
Date Posted: 2/3/2014 12:30:00 PM
Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward!
Date Posted: 1/28/2014 10:13:00 PM
Memoir: Crashing "Women's Studies"; Feminists, BEWARE! lol
Date Posted: 1/25/2014 1:42:00 PM
My Pentagram Art; let me know what you think! :) ~Chan
Date Posted: 1/16/2014 6:08:00 AM
THE KING AND MASTER OF POETRY!!!!! KNEEL!
Date Posted: 1/7/2014 12:20:00 PM
Click for a Surprise...!?
Date Posted: 12/31/2013 10:32:00 PM
Do We, As Artists, Have The Right to Change Our Work?
Date Posted: 12/23/2013 11:12:00 AM
Coming Clean
Date Posted: 12/17/2013 5:01:00 PM
Paper-Cup Porsche: Memoir from the Mental Ward
Date Posted: 12/3/2013 8:38:00 AM
Collage Art: Warning, May Be Offensive!
Date Posted: 12/1/2013 5:13:00 AM
More Visual Poetry: Collage Art
Date Posted: 11/25/2013 7:48:00 AM
IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
Date Posted: 11/20/2013 6:21:00 AM
UP IN SMOKE! VISUAL POETRY! IN YOUR FACE, BISHES!
Date Posted: 11/12/2013 5:14:00 AM
From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration?
Date Posted: 11/5/2013 4:54:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
8/9/2014 Grey Area Rhymedark,truth,world,
8/9/2014 The Plot Thickens Rhymegod,judgement,life,truth,
8/9/2014 Glossophobic Light Poetryfear,world,
8/9/2014 Only God Knows and Time Will Tell Rhymechange,god,time,
4/3/2014 Anti-Psychotic Rhymepain,
3/22/2014 Science Friction Rhymespace,stars,
3/21/2014 An Exercise in Versatility Versepoetry,self,
3/19/2014 Pas de Deux Rhymelove,
3/18/2014 Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery or Equipment Rhymedream,heart,poems,
3/6/2014 Inder the Unfluence Coupletdrink,humor,wine,
2/20/2014 Psychomanteum Rhymeheart,spiritual,
2/19/2014 Rosetta I do not know?confusion,nonsense,
2/19/2014 What's Weighing Heavy on My Heart Rhymelost love,
2/17/2014 She Sold Her Soul in a Bathroom Mirror Rhymeevil,satire,woman,
2/12/2014 The Last Son Rhymeart,truth,winter,
2/11/2014 What Gets On My Nerves Narrativeanger,angst,how i feel,
2/10/2014 Surgical Blue Free versehealth,me,satire,
2/8/2014 Restless Natives Sonnetboat,journey,ocean,
2/7/2014 Casting Couch Sonnetart,god,life,
2/5/2014 Hemlock Valentine Rhymedeath,fire,grave,heart,lo
2/4/2014 Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very Vicious Rhymebeauty,woman,
2/1/2014 I'm Gonna Need a Transplant Rhymeabuse,addiction,drink,
1/31/2014 Assault and Pepper Rhymehow i feel,
1/28/2014 Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward Narrativecrazy,woman,
1/26/2014 Nothing's New Rhymefun,morning,poems,sun,wom
1/25/2014 Memoir: Crashing Women's Studies- Feminists, BEWARE lol Narrativeart,funny,poetry,social,w
1/25/2014 Social Climber Rhymedeath,father,heaven,money
1/24/2014 Rubicons and Oubliettes Rhymeemotions,feelings,
1/23/2014 Water Brothers Rhymebeauty,brother,death,wate
1/7/2014 Poking the Beast Rhymeanger,fire,violence,
1/6/2014 Humble Pie, Anyone Prosehow i feel,introspection,
1/1/2014 Room Service Lyriclust,romance,sexy,
12/31/2013 One-Trick-Pony Rhyme 
12/18/2013 The Fool Rhymebaby,fun,horse,humorous,m
12/18/2013 Coming Clean Narrativeanger,conflict,introspect
12/17/2013 Perfectly Terrible Rhymeanger,beautiful,conflict,
12/3/2013 Paper-Cup Porsche: True Tale from the Mental Ward Narrativeblack african american,cr
12/3/2013 Gardens Grey Rhymebeauty,celebrity,characte
12/2/2013 Darth Exactitude Rhymecharacter,fantasy,star,wa
12/1/2013 All We Have is Hope Free versecancer,conflict,hope,how
11/28/2013 Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Light Poetryheart,how i feel,lonely,l
11/28/2013 Twice the Christ Rhymechristian,death,god,humor
11/21/2013 I Think of You More Than You Think I Do Light Poetryheart,husband,i love you,
11/20/2013 Love is a Lie Rhymegod,heart,love,love hurts
11/11/2013 Have My Cake and Eat It, Too Rhymecrazy,future,self,vanity,
11/6/2013 Damage Control: An Apology Poem Rhymeheart,poets,sorry,
11/5/2013 From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration Narrativeanger,bereavement,best fr
11/5/2013 Tug of War Rhymecrazy,pain,sorrow,war,
11/5/2013 Believe It or Not Rhymeanger,angst,god,lonely,lo
11/5/2013 As God As My Witness Rhymeconfusion,dream,joy,life,
11/4/2013 The Throne of Bone and Stone Rhymedream,sad,sin,sleep,world
11/3/2013 A Rational Explanation Rhymedeath,feelings,life,war,w
11/1/2013 Horrorscope Rhymechange,self,space,stars,
10/30/2013 Call Me Monday When I've Made My Millions Rhymedeath,heart,kiss,lost lov
10/29/2013 An Ounce of Pretention Rhymefuture,heart,
10/29/2013 Burning Man Rhymefire,grief,journey,sad,tr
10/28/2013 I'll Have Another, and Keep'em Comin' Rhymeangst,drink,heart,poets,s
10/28/2013 Glad-He-Ate-Her Rhymeanger,violence,war,
10/27/2013 Lazy Man Rhymelove,self,
10/27/2013 Escape Artist Rhymeheart,hope,lost love,poet
10/27/2013 Blackout Rhymedeath,faith,life,sorrow,w
10/26/2013 Around in Circles Rhymesleep,truth,
10/26/2013 A Journey Through Eternity Rhymeanger,future,happiness,ho
10/23/2013 Exercising My Demons Rhymeevil,heaven,religion,
10/23/2013 Knock, Knock Rhymecrazy,heart,self,song,sor
10/17/2013 Damn You, Eve Rhymedance,heaven,innocence,lo
10/17/2013 Romance the Chance Rhymebeauty,dance,hate,journey
10/17/2013 The One Least Likely Rhymeemotions,sorrow,
10/17/2013 Try as They Might Rhymeart,people,poems,poetry,p
10/15/2013 In the Meantime Rhymepain,
10/14/2013 It's Hard to be a Rhymer in a Free-Verse World Rhymeart,poetry,
10/14/2013 A God Among Men Rhymebody,heart,men,sky,
10/12/2013 You Love Me More Than You Love Yourself Light Poetrychildren,grave,love,my ch
10/12/2013 Spreading the Seed Rhymedesire,fun,lust,sexy,
10/12/2013 Burying the Hatchet Rhymegrief,pain,time,today,
10/11/2013 What Would You Take Contest Entry Narrativefriend,husband,lost,music
10/11/2013 Run for Your Lives--Them's Fightin' Words Rhymeconflict,fear,friend,pain
10/11/2013 I'll Drink to That Rhymeaddiction,drink,marriage,
10/10/2013 Angel in Your Eyes Contest Entry Rhymeangel,
10/10/2013 Why Can't I Be Young, Rich and Thin Narrativeart,beauty,desire,imagina
10/8/2013 Take Two and Call Me in the Morning Rhymeangst,sick,
10/7/2013 Twenty-Below Zero Rhymetime,trust,
10/5/2013 You and I and I and You Free verseanger,beautiful,corruptio
10/4/2013 Leave a Message After the Beep Free verseabsence,dark,death,drink,
10/3/2013 Delusions of Grandeur- Bon Voyage Rhymejourney,stars,time,world,
10/3/2013 The Verdict Is In Rhymeevil,time,violence,
10/3/2013 Alone with My Thoughts Rhymecolor,death,pain,truth,
10/2/2013 PHARM Fresh Rhymeaddiction,love,
9/29/2013 A Happy Ending Rhymehappiness,life,love,pain,
9/29/2013 No Assembly Required Light Poetrydeath,flying,travel,
9/29/2013 Come Out, Come Out- Wherever You Are Rhymelost,pain,peace,sleep,
9/26/2013 Playing with Fire Rhymeanger,fire,heart,violence
9/26/2013 Strange Bathfellows Rhymebooks,humorous,insect,
9/25/2013 I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday Light Poetryfood,money,
9/25/2013 Meet Me Halfway Rhymelost love,violence,
9/25/2013 Thank You Lord, Amen Rhymeevil,god,sick,sorrow,time
9/25/2013 To Make Matters Worse Rhymedeath,dream,friend,love,s
9/24/2013 The Truth Isn't Always Kind Rhymelife,truth,
9/24/2013 Hammer to a Concrete Heart Rhymefear,heart,writing,
9/23/2013 Life is Sweet in Honey-Hives Rhymeflower,life,sweet,

My Photos


Fav Poems

PoemTitleFormCategories
The King of Sanctimonious Rhymehumorous,metaphor,
A Beautiful Love Free verselove,relationship,
Death Will Not Come For Me Rhymedeath,evil,life,magic,
Leonardo DiCaprio Rhymecelebrity,film,for him,ho
ALCOHOL Free verseaddiction,
Chaff vs Wheat - Relief Rhymeangst,goodbye,lost love,r
Fate's Occasion Iambic Pentameterbeautiful,beauty,emotions
Heaven For A Poet Rhymedream,fantasy,heaven,insp
Nevermore Rhymehorror,poetry,tribute,wri
The Dead Of Winter Quatraindark,death,lonely,winter,
Oh Love, Fair Love Rhymeloss,lost love,lovelife,l
William part 2 Balladeblack african american,gr
Bending Backward Ballad 
Popcorn Music Rhyme 
Rhyme Master Couplet 
The Horde's Prayer Verseangel,
Come Sit by My Side Tail-rhymefor her,marriage,moving o
Dreaming Couplethumor,humorous,poets,
Shocks Of Electrifying Emotion Rhymelove,romantic,
A Dedication To The Man Rhymededication,friendship,
SWITCH magazine Free versededication,hope,life,love
The Other Side Rhymeabsence,allegory,analogy,
DUFFY DEAN Rhymecat,
In Search Free versebeautiful,bible,god,
Pirates Cove Rhymefunny,humorous,poetry,sea

Fav Poets

PoetCountry 
Karen Anglesey United States Flag United States Read
Allan Koven United States Flag United States Read
Richard Lamoureux Canada Flag Canada Read
Danesh Morgan Singapore Flag Singapore Read
Kelly Deschler United States Flag United States Read
Mustapha Mohammed Trinidad and Tobago Flag Trinidad and Tobago Read
Joseph Matose Zimbabwe Flag Zimbabwe Read
James Marshall Goff United States Flag United States Read
Mark Peterson United States Flag United States Read
robin davis United States Flag United States Read
Laura Breidenthal United States Flag United States Read
Sophia Valentina United States Flag United States Read
Painted Hunter United States Flag United States Read
Rick Richardson United States Flag United States Read