What Gets On My Nerves

You want to know what annoyeth me? Let me count the ways! I could weave a veritable tapestry of all my aggravations, mostly in light and deep crimson hues which signify the violence in my Heart. Easily I could write a novel that reads like a laundry list of everything that vex me to no fathomable End. Pretentiousness, which is the ultimate Sin of Sins, maddens me more than mere meager words can describe or accurately articulate. An example, perhaps? Someone who claims to be a better poet than Shakespeare! Such heinous poetic heresy and blatant blasphemy! ONE WORD: HA! Let's see...what else? Oh, how I loath- despise! an unannounced and unexpected visitor, a "knock, knock" that sends shivers, like shards of glass, down my disturbed spine. Yes, I know all about Jesus. No, I don't want to come to your church but I'll smile, be polite and friendly as I decline the invitation, then send you off on your merry way to pester someone else with your nonsense and throw your "literature" in the trash. I wish I lived in an impregnable fortress surrounded by a moat and guarded by ten-thousand Pinkerton Guards. They never sleep. Driving, what a bedeviling task! Anyone remember the old video game "Spy Hunter" where your vehicle was equipped with bombs and lasers and such? How I wish my car had a machine gun or rocket-launcher turret to get everyone out of my way! Going too slow? KABOOM! Didn't use your turn signal? Ratta-tat-tat-tat-tat-t-a-t-t...-a...-t. So long, buster! Bad hair-do's are ALMOST as sinful and unforgivable as pretentiousness. I cannot abide a bad hair-do. It's a good thing I'm not a socio/psychopathic autocrat or I would have anyone with an offensive coif shot on sight. When I was in school and big, poofy Aqua-Net shellac soaked , giant crunchy big bangs were all the rage, I took great delight in smashing those immense, granite-like monstrous and monumental mega-pompadours. Some of those do's were hard as bricks, like they were surrounded and protected by some kind of hair force-field. I demolished many a poof in my youth! This diatribe is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I could on and on and on and on and on and on...but I'll trail off here... *What Annoys You Contest Entry* JustThatArchaicPoet