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Poems by Just That Archaic Poet

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Date PostedPoem Title# ViewsForm
04/03/2014HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA261Haiku
04/03/2014Anti-Psychotic110Rhyme
03/22/2014Science Friction259Rhyme
03/21/2014An Exercise in Versatility249Verse
03/19/2014Pas de Deux100Rhyme
03/18/2014Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery or Equipment108Rhyme
03/06/2014Inder the Unfluence269Couplet
02/20/2014Psychomanteum132Rhyme
02/19/2014Rosetta159I do not know?
02/19/2014What's Weighing Heavy on My Heart180Rhyme
02/17/2014She Sold Her Soul in a Bathroom Mirror592Rhyme
02/12/2014The Last Son98Rhyme
02/11/2014What Gets On My Nerves438Narrative
02/10/2014Surgical Blue244Free verse
02/08/2014Restless Natives195Sonnet
02/07/2014Casting Couch199Sonnet
02/05/2014Hemlock Valentine158Rhyme
02/04/2014Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very Vicious123Rhyme
02/01/2014I'm Gonna Need a Transplant172Rhyme
01/31/2014Assault and Pepper311Rhyme
01/28/2014Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward250Narrative
01/26/2014Nothing's New200Rhyme
01/25/2014Memoir: Crashing Women's Studies- Feminists, BEWARE lol155Narrative
01/25/2014Social Climber131Rhyme
01/24/2014Rubicons and Oubliettes94Rhyme
01/23/2014Water Brothers150Rhyme
01/07/2014Poking the Beast248Rhyme
01/06/2014Humble Pie, Anyone309Prose
01/01/2014Room Service336Lyric
12/31/2013One-Trick-Pony161Rhyme
12/18/2013The Fool485Rhyme
12/18/2013Coming Clean347Narrative
12/17/2013Perfectly Terrible269Rhyme
12/03/2013Paper-Cup Porsche: True Tale from the Mental Ward321Narrative
12/03/2013Gardens Grey207Rhyme
12/02/2013Darth Exactitude161Rhyme
12/01/2013All We Have is Hope295Free verse
11/28/2013Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder165Light Poetry
11/28/2013Twice the Christ207Rhyme
11/21/2013I Think of You More Than You Think I Do279Light Poetry
11/20/2013Love is a Lie364Rhyme
11/11/2013Have My Cake and Eat It, Too707Rhyme
11/06/2013Damage Control: An Apology Poem496Rhyme
11/05/2013From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration440Narrative
11/05/2013Tug of War241Rhyme
11/05/2013Believe It or Not155Rhyme
11/05/2013As God As My Witness204Rhyme
11/04/2013The Throne of Bone and Stone147Rhyme
11/03/2013A Rational Explanation185Rhyme
11/01/2013Horrorscope378Rhyme
10/30/2013Call Me Monday When I've Made My Millions227Rhyme
10/29/2013An Ounce of Pretention186Rhyme
10/29/2013Burning Man198Rhyme
10/28/2013I'll Have Another, and Keep'em Comin'235Rhyme
10/28/2013Glad-He-Ate-Her205Rhyme
10/27/2013Lazy Man181Rhyme
10/27/2013Escape Artist116Rhyme
10/27/2013Blackout134Rhyme
10/26/2013Around in Circles168Rhyme
10/26/2013A Journey Through Eternity192Rhyme
10/23/2013Exercising My Demons277Rhyme
10/23/2013Knock, Knock226Rhyme
10/17/2013Damn You, Eve396Rhyme
10/17/2013Romance the Chance176Rhyme
10/17/2013The One Least Likely84Rhyme
10/17/2013Try as They Might252Rhyme
10/15/2013In the Meantime146Rhyme
10/14/2013It's Hard to be a Rhymer in a Free-Verse World250Rhyme
10/14/2013A God Among Men188Rhyme
10/12/2013You Love Me More Than You Love Yourself222Light Poetry
10/12/2013Spreading the Seed466Rhyme
10/12/2013Burying the Hatchet98Rhyme
10/11/2013What Would You Take Contest Entry307Narrative
10/11/2013Run for Your Lives--Them's Fightin' Words242Rhyme
10/11/2013I'll Drink to That187Rhyme
10/10/2013Angel in Your Eyes Contest Entry137Rhyme
10/10/2013Why Can't I Be Young, Rich and Thin461Narrative
10/08/2013Take Two and Call Me in the Morning120Rhyme
10/07/2013Twenty-Below Zero174Rhyme
10/05/2013You and I and I and You672Free verse
10/04/2013Leave a Message After the Beep249Free verse
10/03/2013Delusions of Grandeur- Bon Voyage115Rhyme
10/03/2013The Verdict Is In156Rhyme
10/03/2013Alone with My Thoughts175Rhyme
10/02/2013PHARM Fresh101Rhyme
09/29/2013A Happy Ending250Rhyme
09/29/2013No Assembly Required175Light Poetry
09/29/2013Come Out, Come Out- Wherever You Are137Rhyme
09/26/2013Playing with Fire367Rhyme
09/26/2013Strange Bathfellows326Rhyme
09/25/2013I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday157Light Poetry
09/25/2013Meet Me Halfway197Rhyme
09/25/2013Thank You Lord, Amen122Rhyme
09/25/2013To Make Matters Worse118Rhyme
09/24/2013The Truth Isn't Always Kind164Rhyme
09/24/2013Hammer to a Concrete Heart426Rhyme
09/23/2013Life is Sweet in Honey-Hives276Rhyme
09/23/2013Tied to the Train Tacks113Light Poetry
09/23/2013The Poets I Hope to Meet in Heaven192Rhyme
09/22/2013A Master's Approval135Light Poetry
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Bloggers PhotoI've always wanted to title my "Bio", "Highlights of a Low-Life" and I'll be damned if I didn't Google that title and it has already been used by someone  else. Figures!

So, here's a bit about me: my name is Chan Hurst. I've been writing poetry,  short-stories, essays and memoirs for 24 years. My forte, though, is "Rhyme"  and I consider it to be the only "true" form of poetry. I know: quite a  debatable, controversial and fascist belief, but this is my fervent conviction,  for which I am unapologetic and shall never waver.

My greatest poetic  influences include Poe, Shelley, Keats and Dickinson. If you are looking for  "odes to nature" or "grandma" or some other mundane topic, I am definitely NOT  the poet to read. I write what's in my Soul, and stay true to my  aesthetic.

I'm 34, gay, partnered for the past 5 years and married in my  own mind and heart. I have 5 children: 2 dogs and 3 cats. I am physically and  mentally disabled, suffer from numerous mental illnesses, am an addict/alcoholic  who also suffers with chronic pain. I'm a highly opinionated introvert with a  staggering IQ (I'm not modest when it comes to intelligence). What you are about  to read now is a paper I wrote as an introduction about myself to my fellow  classmates in one of my many failed attempts at higher  education:

    I am of the opinion that unless you are  some kind of celebrity, no one wants to hear your life story.  Since I find  99.9% of the human race utterly uninteresting, I have no desire to hear about  your plights or triumphs so I don’t expect you to want to hear mine. I’m a  misanthropist, damn it. A jaded Cynic. Would you expect anything less?

 Ok, OK! You asked for it. You want to know so badly? Well, then, I’ll  tell you. I’m a self-professed geek. Yes, I acknowledge as much. It seems that  in today’s age, being a geek is much more chic and “in” than it used to be.  Thank goodness media expands our limits and perceptions of “coolness”. I mean,  hats off to such influences as “Big Bang Theory”, right? You remember all those  reasons you made fun of nerds and geeks in school? Yeah, well, apply them to me.  And may the Force be with you as you live long and prosper. Insert “smiley face”  emoticon.

 Now I will cryptically and enigmatically tell you how un-exactly deep  my well of coolness allegedly is. This will all sound pretty flakyy so feel free  to roll your eyes or LOL wherever you see fit.  Ok, you ready? Thought not,  but here we go anyway: I am that person, that friend of a friend of a friend,  who has seen and experienced the most indescribably incredible things your mind  can fathom on dark and stormy nights.  I’ve had the kind of close  encounters that those weird people on TV swear and attest are true. I’ve  underwent the kind of mind-blowing revelations that those levitating Tibetan  monks or jungle medicine men have probably known for eons. A hit of Timothy  Leary on the end of your tongue on a bright and sunny spring day brings the  universe and life into perspective. But so does walking in the Shoes of  Insanity!

 What else? Hmmmmm. Ok, well, like many of you, I’ve had a number of  adventures in my 34 years on earth. Like what? Patience, young Padawan; I’m  getting to that. For example: I lived overseas with the Kiwis for a time in New  Zealand. I’ve lived high on the hog, but also roamed skid row (but not with  Sebastian Bach). My fashionable myriad of mental maladies have shown me the  inside of The Cuckoo’s Nest on more than one occasion. I’ve nearly died more  times than I can attempt to count. I have climbed the heights of pure Nirvana  and suffered tragedy of the Shakespearean kind. I’ve had organs removed and a  toe amputated. Loved and lost; hated and gained. I’ve been locked up, tied down  and shot at. Just to name a few...    

 I mean, so I got kicked out of a private Christian school in the tenth  grade; hasn’t that happened to everyone? Is going to class on acid really that  big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Does it really matter that I almost  killed an up and coming country music star back in the 90’s? Or that I used to  dabble in the occult and dress like Dracula? Why are you shaking your head at  me? Who are you, Saint Peter?

 Like most of you, I’ve had various careers over the years; everything  from the educator of your children (I know, someone did indeed drop the ball  when they hired me) and street pharmacist (the money was good!). Years ago, I  enjoyed being the night manager at a hotel (so what if I routinely fell asleep  and slept with the guests?). Once, I had the distinct displeasure of working for  UPS as a truck loader (if any of your packages got smashed or were lost, I  apologize). I’ve been a cashier one too many times (my bad if you got  short-changed). Flipped my share of burgers (what do you mean yours was “raw”?).  In 2006 I worked with the criminally insane (I know, right up my alley!) but  quit two weeks later after I was nearly choked to death. Yeah, I’ve done a  little of everything. What am I doing now you ask? Wouldn’t you like to  know!

Oh, lest I forget, can I get an “AMEN!” if you, too, have perpetrated  embarrassing acts that made your father wince and your mother cry? Can I get a  “HELL YEAH!” if you’ve partied too much and wound up in the slammer or  slept with someone who looked much better when you were drunk? Can I get a fist  bump from all my fellow “He-Whores” and “Jessebels”? No? What a bunch of prudish  pansies! Like I’m the only one who’s gotten too loaded and told everybody I  could play the bongos with my feet? Don’t act like you’ve never passed out in  public or urinated on the side of a church!

 Like everybody else, I could go on and on, yadda yadda yadda with some  blah blah blah, but I think you get the gist of it. I'm a weirdo; a freak and  geek, but damn proud of it. I am unconventional, controversial, unorthodox and  fascist. Hope that's not a problem for you lol.