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Poems by Just That Archaic Poet

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Date PostedPoem Title# ViewsForm
08/09/2014Grey Area27Rhyme
08/09/2014The Plot Thickens28Rhyme
08/09/2014Glossophobic16Light Poetry
08/09/2014Only God Knows and Time Will Tell35Rhyme
03/22/2014Science Friction279Rhyme
03/21/2014An Exercise in Versatility269Verse
03/19/2014Pas de Deux104Rhyme
03/18/2014Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery or Equipment111Rhyme
03/06/2014Inder the Unfluence288Couplet
02/19/2014Rosetta168I do not know?
02/19/2014What's Weighing Heavy on My Heart187Rhyme
02/17/2014She Sold Her Soul in a Bathroom Mirror623Rhyme
02/12/2014The Last Son103Rhyme
02/11/2014What Gets On My Nerves441Narrative
02/10/2014Surgical Blue247Free verse
02/08/2014Restless Natives198Sonnet
02/07/2014Casting Couch204Sonnet
02/05/2014Hemlock Valentine161Rhyme
02/04/2014Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very Vicious129Rhyme
02/01/2014I'm Gonna Need a Transplant176Rhyme
01/31/2014Assault and Pepper314Rhyme
01/28/2014Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward265Narrative
01/26/2014Nothing's New206Rhyme
01/25/2014Memoir: Crashing Women's Studies- Feminists, BEWARE lol160Narrative
01/25/2014Social Climber140Rhyme
01/24/2014Rubicons and Oubliettes96Rhyme
01/23/2014Water Brothers153Rhyme
01/07/2014Poking the Beast250Rhyme
01/06/2014Humble Pie, Anyone324Prose
01/01/2014Room Service339Lyric
12/18/2013The Fool495Rhyme
12/18/2013Coming Clean354Narrative
12/17/2013Perfectly Terrible272Rhyme
12/03/2013Paper-Cup Porsche: True Tale from the Mental Ward333Narrative
12/03/2013Gardens Grey211Rhyme
12/02/2013Darth Exactitude164Rhyme
12/01/2013All We Have is Hope301Free verse
11/28/2013Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder168Light Poetry
11/28/2013Twice the Christ210Rhyme
11/21/2013I Think of You More Than You Think I Do289Light Poetry
11/20/2013Love is a Lie375Rhyme
11/11/2013Have My Cake and Eat It, Too747Rhyme
11/06/2013Damage Control: An Apology Poem510Rhyme
11/05/2013From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration445Narrative
11/05/2013Tug of War249Rhyme
11/05/2013Believe It or Not162Rhyme
11/05/2013As God As My Witness211Rhyme
11/04/2013The Throne of Bone and Stone152Rhyme
11/03/2013A Rational Explanation193Rhyme
10/30/2013Call Me Monday When I've Made My Millions232Rhyme
10/29/2013An Ounce of Pretention188Rhyme
10/29/2013Burning Man206Rhyme
10/28/2013I'll Have Another, and Keep'em Comin'242Rhyme
10/27/2013Lazy Man186Rhyme
10/27/2013Escape Artist121Rhyme
10/26/2013Around in Circles171Rhyme
10/26/2013A Journey Through Eternity197Rhyme
10/23/2013Exercising My Demons281Rhyme
10/23/2013Knock, Knock228Rhyme
10/17/2013Damn You, Eve398Rhyme
10/17/2013Romance the Chance181Rhyme
10/17/2013The One Least Likely88Rhyme
10/17/2013Try as They Might257Rhyme
10/15/2013In the Meantime155Rhyme
10/14/2013It's Hard to be a Rhymer in a Free-Verse World257Rhyme
10/14/2013A God Among Men191Rhyme
10/12/2013You Love Me More Than You Love Yourself227Light Poetry
10/12/2013Spreading the Seed485Rhyme
10/12/2013Burying the Hatchet103Rhyme
10/11/2013What Would You Take Contest Entry312Narrative
10/11/2013Run for Your Lives--Them's Fightin' Words247Rhyme
10/11/2013I'll Drink to That190Rhyme
10/10/2013Angel in Your Eyes Contest Entry140Rhyme
10/10/2013Why Can't I Be Young, Rich and Thin468Narrative
10/08/2013Take Two and Call Me in the Morning124Rhyme
10/07/2013Twenty-Below Zero180Rhyme
10/05/2013You and I and I and You715Free verse
10/04/2013Leave a Message After the Beep255Free verse
10/03/2013Delusions of Grandeur- Bon Voyage121Rhyme
10/03/2013The Verdict Is In159Rhyme
10/03/2013Alone with My Thoughts183Rhyme
10/02/2013PHARM Fresh103Rhyme
09/29/2013A Happy Ending253Rhyme
09/29/2013No Assembly Required178Light Poetry
09/29/2013Come Out, Come Out- Wherever You Are145Rhyme
09/26/2013Playing with Fire372Rhyme
09/26/2013Strange Bathfellows341Rhyme
09/25/2013I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday161Light Poetry
09/25/2013Meet Me Halfway205Rhyme
09/25/2013Thank You Lord, Amen126Rhyme
09/25/2013To Make Matters Worse122Rhyme
09/24/2013The Truth Isn't Always Kind169Rhyme
09/24/2013Hammer to a Concrete Heart461Rhyme
09/23/2013Life is Sweet in Honey-Hives288Rhyme

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I've always wanted to title my "Bio", "Highlights of a Low-Life" and I'll be damned if I didn't Google that title and it has already been used by someone  else. Figures!

So, here's a bit about me: my name is Chan Hurst. I've been writing poetry,  short-stories, essays and memoirs for 25 years. My forte, though, is "Rhyme"  and I consider it to be the only "true" form of poetry. I know: quite a  debatable, controversial and fascist belief, but this is my fervent conviction,  for which I am unapologetic and shall never waver.

My greatest poetic  influences include Poe, Shelley, Keats and Dickinson. If you are looking for  "odes to nature" or "grandma" or some other mundane topic, I am definitely NOT  the poet to read. I write what's in my Soul, and stay true to my  aesthetic.

I'm 35, gay, partnered for the past 5 years and married in my  own mind and heart. I have 5 children: 2 dogs and 3 cats. I am physically and  mentally disabled, suffer from numerous mental illnesses, am an addict/alcoholic  who also suffers with chronic pain. I'm a highly opinionated introvert with a  staggering IQ (I'm not modest when it comes to intelligence). What you are about  to read now is a paper I wrote as an introduction about myself to my fellow  classmates in one of my many failed attempts at higher  education:

    I am of the opinion that unless you are  some kind of celebrity, no one wants to hear your life story.  Since I find  99.9% of the human race utterly uninteresting, I have no desire to hear about  your plights or triumphs so I don’t expect you to want to hear mine. I’m a  misanthropist, damn it. A jaded Cynic. Would you expect anything less?

 Ok, OK! You asked for it. You want to know so badly? Well, then, I’ll  tell you. I’m a self-professed geek. Yes, I acknowledge as much. It seems that  in today’s age, being a geek is much more chic and “in” than it used to be.  Thank goodness media expands our limits and perceptions of “coolness”. I mean,  hats off to such influences as “Big Bang Theory”, right? You remember all those  reasons you made fun of nerds and geeks in school? Yeah, well, apply them to me.  And may the Force be with you as you live long and prosper. Insert “smiley face”  emoticon.

 Now I will cryptically and enigmatically tell you how un-exactly deep  my well of coolness allegedly is. This will all sound pretty flakyy so feel free  to roll your eyes or LOL wherever you see fit.  Ok, you ready? Thought not,  but here we go anyway: I am that person, that friend of a friend of a friend,  who has seen and experienced the most indescribably incredible things your mind  can fathom on dark and stormy nights.  I’ve had the kind of close  encounters that those weird people on TV swear and attest are true. I’ve  underwent the kind of mind-blowing revelations that those levitating Tibetan  monks or jungle medicine men have probably known for eons. A hit of Timothy  Leary on the end of your tongue on a bright and sunny spring day brings the  universe and life into perspective. But so does walking in the Shoes of  Insanity!

 What else? Hmmmmm. Ok, well, like many of you, I’ve had a number of  adventures in my 34 years on earth. Like what? Patience, young Padawan; I’m  getting to that. For example: I lived overseas with the Kiwis for a time in New  Zealand. I’ve lived high on the hog, but also roamed skid row (but not with  Sebastian Bach). My fashionable myriad of mental maladies have shown me the  inside of The Cuckoo’s Nest on more than one occasion. I’ve nearly died more  times than I can attempt to count. I have climbed the heights of pure Nirvana  and suffered tragedy of the Shakespearean kind. I’ve had organs removed and a  toe amputated. Loved and lost; hated and gained. I’ve been locked up, tied down  and shot at. Just to name a few...    

 I mean, so I got kicked out of a private Christian school in the tenth  grade; hasn’t that happened to everyone? Is going to class on acid really that  big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Does it really matter that I almost  killed an up and coming country music star back in the 90’s? Or that I used to  dabble in the occult and dress like Dracula? Why are you shaking your head at  me? Who are you, Saint Peter?

 Like most of you, I’ve had various careers over the years; everything  from the educator of your children (I know, someone did indeed drop the ball  when they hired me) and street pharmacist (the money was good!). Years ago, I  enjoyed being the night manager at a hotel (so what if I routinely fell asleep  and slept with the guests?). Once, I had the distinct displeasure of working for  UPS as a truck loader (if any of your packages got smashed or were lost, I  apologize). I’ve been a cashier one too many times (my bad if you got  short-changed). Flipped my share of burgers (what do you mean yours was “raw”?).  In 2006 I worked with the criminally insane (I know, right up my alley!) but  quit two weeks later after I was nearly choked to death. Yeah, I’ve done a  little of everything. What am I doing now you ask? Wouldn’t you like to  know!

Oh, lest I forget, can I get an “AMEN!” if you, too, have perpetrated  embarrassing acts that made your father wince and your mother cry? Can I get a  “HELL YEAH!” if you’ve partied too much and wound up in the slammer or  slept with someone who looked much better when you were drunk? Can I get a fist  bump from all my fellow “He-Whores” and “Jessebels”? No? What a bunch of prudish  pansies! Like I’m the only one who’s gotten too loaded and told everybody I  could play the bongos with my feet? Don’t act like you’ve never passed out in  public or urinated on the side of a church!

 Like everybody else, I could go on and on, yadda yadda yadda with some  blah blah blah, but I think you get the gist of it. I'm a weirdo; a freak and  geek, but damn proud of it. I am unconventional, controversial, unorthodox and  fascist. Hope that's not a problem for you lol.