I Nearly Killed a Celebrity, Once Upon a Time - Just That Archaic Poet's Blog

It was an accident! Swear to God; my hand on a stack of
Bibles: I didn’t mean to do it. Negligence would not have been a strong defense
had I actually killed him, though. Technically, I suppose, it would have only
been a charge of “manslaughter” since it was totally unintentional, and
considering I was just 14 at the time, hopefully the court would have had mercy
and shown me leniency, even if the rest of the world may have wanted my head on
that proverbial “silver platter”.  Now,
allow me to regale you about the time I nearly killed a celebrity…

My dad and his best friend Gary (a real estate agent) had
been frequenting “The Grapevine” in Lexington, Kentucky (their favorite
watering-hole and bar haunt) for some time when they met him. This was some
time before he was became famous and made his millions. John Michael Montgomery
was a regular performer at “The Grapevine” before he was discovered; he had befriended
my dad and Gary and they were all 3 good chums by the time John Michael was
signed to Atlantic records. You may recall some of his number one hits from the
early 90’s: “I Swear”, “Sold”, “I Can Love You Like That”, “Be My Baby Tonight”
(among others). Those of you reading who are unfamiliar with country music may
have no idea of whom I am speaking, but those of you who are country music fans
should be right along with me.

Being a native of Kentucky and nouveau
riche millionaire, John
Michael wanted to buy some prime property in rural Clark Co. (where my family
and Gary lived), and Gary, being a real estate agent, was the first person JM
(I shall from here on refer to John Michael as “JM” in short) called up. So one
bright, sunny afternoon, my dad, Gary, JM and I all went to look at property
around Clark Co. In order to get a better look at the different locations, we
brought along two 4-wheelers with us: one for JM and one for me while dad and
Gary rode in dad’s huge pickup truck.

So there we were, riding and tooling around in rural farm
country, having a blast checking everything out. It was the first time I had
met JM and he, despite his new found celebrity status, was really just a
regular, down-to-earth kind of guy; friendly as could be and funny as hell. So
there I was riding around on 4-wheelers with this country music celebrity and
of course, I couldn’t help but to feel fortunate and like some important person
(insert a LOL here!), like a part of his entourage. This feeling of awesomeness
was not to last long, however, for
soon near tragedy ensued.

In the pickup, dad and Gary were driving well in front of us
on this rough, gravel road and JM was a good distance behind surveying the
land, and I was just a bit farther behind him, also taking in the scenery and
surroundings. I don’t know why, but dad suddenly slammed on his brakes, and
this is where things got chaotic and frightening.

So dad slammed on his brakes and JM stopped a few feet
behind the truck. I, on the other hand, was paying no attention whatsoever. I
was just riding along full-throttle speeding ahead, like I said, just taking in
the ambiance and atmosphere when WHAM! I slammed right into the back of JM’s
4-wheeler which lunged up and smashed into the tail-gate of the truck. Don’t
ask me how, but I managed defy physics and remain seated on my vehicle while
poor JM went flying through the air and landed roughly head-first on the
gravelly, rocky terrain. Absolutely horror-stricken, dad and Gary bailed out of
the truck and I jumped off my 4-wheeler and the 3 of us rushed over to JM who
was totally unconscious. Of course, we all were terrified that I had just
killed John Michael Montgomery, the up-and-coming superstar of the country
music world! For what seemed like an eternity, JM just lay completely still and
didn’t move a muscle. In retrospect, we must have all been in shock, not
knowing what to do, but after a minute or so, JM moaned and his eyes fluttered
open, much to everyone’s relief. Except for some bumps and a scratch or two, he
was no worse for the wear and after he finally roused himself, even started
making jokes about it. Dad’s tailgate, however, was bent all to hell.

Later on in the evening, we all went back to my parent’s
house where mom had just finished frying some chicken for supper, and before he
left, JM ate a drumstick in our kitchen. After that, we didn’t see JM much
anymore since he was busy touring and in the studio. I like to think of this
anecdote as the time I nearly killed (or severely maimed) a celebrity, and it’s
one of my few claims to fame (insert another LOL! here.) Hope you enjoyed
reading this true tale of terror (just kidding about the “terror”, but it is
100% true.) I, Chan Hurst aka “JustThatArchaicPoet” nearly killed a celebrity once
upon a time, many years ago! (Curtain falls.)