Grandma Tee had but one teensy tiny request
She wanted a St Bernard puppy, more than the rest
It’s all I ever wanted she said, pooh-poohing her new vest.
“I told you, “stated her daughter-in-law to her son, Chest.
Chester knew his mother’s wish for an oversized puppy well-fed.
But who has to care for it if something happens to her? He said.
I’ve always wanted a St. Bernard myself, his wife replied.
So, they gave a St. Bernard to his mom, and she named it Clyde.
A gentle giant, is our handsome St. Bernard dog
He is a rescuer who often appears in the night fog
During World War II he brought supplies to the troops
marching up those steep mountains with nary an oops
St. Bernard named Barry saved a record number of people
Forty to one hundred, shouted a monk from a church steeple
young St Bernard dogs are trained by their older kin
So please stand back, let the rescuing and helping begin.
Hodgepodge of high-brow, hoity-toity happy hogs
Happened upon a wagonload of St Bernard dogs
In a hocus-pocus way they turned them into logs
You do not fool with a witch’s razorbacks in these bogs.
Yowling and howling, snarling and snapping
Came in through a window when my husband was napping
It sounded like a sound off, I was sure a cat would be dead.
My own cat bounced in moments later, his fur stand-up red.
What is going on out there? I asked, for now I heard low growls.
The cats were ready to fight, as snappish as Turkish towels.
Fred dove head-first under the bed and stayed until it was over.
Rolling his eyes about it was my St Bernard named Rover.
Tabby in winter, with a tuft of snow on your head
You got slammed when they came down on that sled
If you get buried, it may be quite a little while
Before we can save you, St Bernard said with a smile
Then he noticed that there were Bernards on her scarf
How bad could she be? He told his friends with an arf.
Tabby in the snow glared at all of those happy dogs.
They ate up her chocolate kibble like untrained old hogs.
Tabby in winter, with a tuft of snow on your head
You got slammed when they came down on that sled
If you get buried, it may be quite a little while
Before we can save you, St Bernard said with a smile
Then he noticed that there were Bernards on her scarf
How bad could she be? He told his friends with an arf.
Tabby in the snow glared at all of those happy dogs.
They ate up her chocolate kibble like untrained old hogs.
I will never go on a blind date again! Teresa told her best couple friends.
They exchanged looks, but kept their mouths shut.
A yellow Moped drove by.
It was driven by a man.
There was a St. Bernard on the front.
Teresa’s eyes followed the guy, the Moped and the St. Bernard.
The couple high-fived each other.
“Do you know that guy?” Teresa asked her friends.
They nodded. “He lives next door to us.”
“That’s the guy you wanted to set me up with?”
More nods.
“What are we waiting for?”
She never smiles, laughs or plays anymore.
She has been so sad since the passing of her dog Zore.
We thought hard and long about what we could do.
She was a pretty girl, and our niece, sweet too.
Without asking their permission I asked my sister?
She laughed because she called this guy stuck up mister.
Let’s just do it she urged me. What can he do?
After his baby gets a look at these handsome two?
So, we purchased two St. Bernard puppies that day.
They were so fluffy and fat that box sure did sway.
Her daddy started to lose it without much grace.
But her mother said “We are keeping them. LOOK AT HER FACE!”
No one knows
what to do
If I breathe in
my poodle's poo
Can I shake paws
with my cat
If I rub her tummy
Is there a caveat
And God protect me
from the friendly St. Bernard
Who slobbers all over me
I need a bodyguard
In fraught times like this
Where to turn for advice
Seems the truth really is
We're just rolling the dice
The Martians arrived in their blue suits,
large heads with bulging black eyes,
jumping out of their flying saucer
into my fenced and landscaped yard,
Lucy the St. Bernard was not on guard.
Shaking themselves they did a dance,
before my eyes as Lucy was snoring,
All eight of them turned on music from chests,
a strange form of haunting and funky sounds,
moving in sync within their limited bounds.
I watched in fascination as they danced away,
streaks of blue flew before me so quickly,
they encouraged me to join them in procession,
wearing my floral fleece pajamas I jumped in,
making me feel as a child again with a wide grin.
Prancing all night with the Martians was a kick,
I was tired by the third hour and began to yawn,
Lucy managed to open one sleepy eye,
the noise and antics hardly woke her up,
she went back to sleep like a comfortable pup.
Sunrise arrived too early as if an alarm clock,
blue-clad Martians rubbed their tired eyes,
they turned off their cosmic and loud music,
all I could hear were the birds tweeting,
Martians waved goodbye with their fleeting.
Kitty Katy, bigger than holsteins
Killed a St. Bernard
Pretty Kitty scratched up my blue jeans
Left my legs all scarred.
My big kitty scares the bejabbers
Out of my sorry hide
Such loud thuds of her pitter-patters
The blood-prints of her stride.
What did she kill tonight?
Who did she rend and bite?
What did she eat?
What kind of meat?
When must I stand and fight?
Kitty wrestled an anaconda
Then ate just the head
I took off on my cherry Honda
Scared I'd next be dead.
I got a neighbor
who has a dog named Spike
And there are two things
that mean ole dog don’t like
Spike don’t like cats,
and he don’t like clowns
Especially the cat burglar ones
The sneaky ones who try to come around
and steal his beloved master’s possessions
They try to get in the house
through the window or back door at night
You best believe that Spike
is gonna greet them St. Bernard right
Round about the late, late show hour
is human drumstick snack time
Spike is salivating ...
waiting
to take a bite out of crime
You best believe that
news has spread underground
Cat burglars beware:
200-pound fury is policing around
Spike is gonna dog collar
any perp
who try to enter
his territory unannounced
At the auto repair shop,
a large stuffed animal,
a St. Bernard,
adorned the sofa in the waiting room.
He almost looked real, lying there motionless,
with snow white patch on the end of his tale,
and closed bale full slits for eyes.
I exclaimed to Taylor the office manager,
"He almost looks real."
Then as if by magic,
the very tip of his tail started to move,
Sleep heavy eyes started to open,
Looking in my direction in anticipation of attention.
In an instant this small world was transformed,
by an act of recognition and kindness.
Empowering nature's strongest unspoken bond,
between a dog and a man.
I Am A Rose
Planted in the early spring placed gently in the earth.
At one time just a single seed until I'm given birth.
Peering out a tiny crack I think I see the sun.
Glancing quickly all around I am the only one.
Getting bigger day by day once pounded by the rain.
I feel I have grown stronger from my temporary pain.
Dancing softly in the wind looking through my Roses eyes.
Bumble bees come visit me along with butterflies.
I know sometimes a flowers life can seem to be so hard.
When somewhere living close to me there lives a St Bernard.
I asked my friend the butterfly to bring the dog to me.
Then I plotted and I planned with my friend the bumble bee.
Jumping playfully in the air he chased the butterfly.
Never ever on this earth has there been a Rose so sly.
As soon as he was close enough he felt the sting of bees.
Me? I had my part to do so I pricked him where he pees.
Rose means love and friendship.
When all around was cold and white,
The kindly monk set out that night;
His dogs were trusty, he was strong,
Prepared to search the whole night long.
He covered miles of icy ground
And wouldn’t stop until he found
The orphans stranded in the snow -
His dogs would know which way to go.
The blizzard blinding, muffling noise,
The friar prayed he’d find the boys.
His dogs discovered huddled forms:
The brothers frozen in the storms.
Alas, the monk arrived too late,
And wept about the children’s fate.
For Isaiah’s Let It Snow contest, inspired by the picture of a monk and his St Bernard dogs
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