Short Weenie Poems

RED ON THE HEAD,
LIKE A WEENIE ON A DOG,
LIKE A NOODLE ON A POODLE,
LIKE KETCHUP ON A LOG,...

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Milton hosted a weenie roast
Tom requested Marmite on toast
But Milton said, "Hey!
This ain't the UK!
Your Marmite got lost in the Post!"...

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The thing I dislike about ghouls
Is they act like a bunch of fools!
They don't trick or treat
But head for the meat
Especially family jewels!...

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Welcome to 2022!
"Freedom of Choice" has passed to you!
Burka or bikini?
Rice bowl or hot weenie?
Yet prayers won't make your dreams come true . . . ....

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Under his nose hung a big greenie.
The kids all thought he was a meanie.
He didn't have a hankie.
That's why he was so cranky.
Also, he had a hollow weenie....

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When Jill fell down on Jack's weenie
She remarked that it was so teeny
Jack thought she meant "perky"
Not dried-up old jerky
But Jack had this magic beanie .......

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Arty stuff No 10

That artistic Italian Belinni,
Once ordered a toasted panini,
He was sitting alone,
But he started to moan,
As his sausage was only a weenie!...

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a seeker discredit-er
a "immature weakling" 
weenie weenier -political thumb sucker



FORM:  Kenning Poem Example

04/01/18
written by James Edward Lee Sr.©2018...

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making whoopie while social distancing
a most magical and wonderous feat
but you must have a long tool
or become the town fool
as you plead with and stretch out your weenie...

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Travel light.
Bring a bite.
And a toothbrush.

Wired for sound
when off the ground.
And factor fifty.

Itsy bitsy teenie weenie
yellow polka dot bikini.
And a towel.

Will pick you up.
Have a cup.
And hit the beach....

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Today dear wifey poo will be having cataracts removed
This weenie here cringes at the thought, heartily disapproves
Rather use a cane
No needle that's insane
To inflict this torture, surgeons are surely unmoved...

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Splish Splash, I was taking a bath round about half-past three
When all of a sudden in my window I spied a man in a tree
He was leering and when
I looked back again
He was gone, freaked out at the sight of my weenie...

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Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie

Frankfurter for a Dachshund:
Weenie
Weenie

Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie

Proportionally, a male Dachshund has a:
Teenie
Weenie
(But size isn't everything)

Dachshund making critical life choices:
Eeenie
Weenie......

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Powerful Weapons Systems
Marvels of Technology
Vast Communication Networks
Fabulously Wealthy Financiers
The Latest in Robotic Technology
The Greatest Minds of our Times   
             All Aligned
               against
   an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie
                 bug...

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Sunshine is fun time.
We start the car, go far.

First stop beach shop.
I scream for ice cream.

Itsy bitsy teenie weenie
yellow polka dot bikini.

Jump in for a swim.
Beach ball, we all fall.

Skin save as we sun bathe
Sun set, all get in car.

Back home, good roam.
Night night, sleep tight....

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"Make it quick" they barked. "We all have to pee."
The cock legged one woofed right back, "Don't rush me!"
Female dogs may have fleas
But they don't wee on trees
Trans surgery gets rid of that weenie!


*Not entered in the contest but I couldn't 
stop myself from writing a limerick for that photo....

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Pish Posh, I was taking a bawth round about half past three
When all of a sudden in my window I spied a man in a tree
He was leering and when
I looked back again
Pish Posh, he was gone, guess he freaked out at the size of my weenie


(Thanks to my new friend, Lin Lane)


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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A dachshund named Oscar was he,
which adored trick or treating with me,
so I had me some fun
when I sewed a cloth bun,
for a Halloween weenie he’d be. 

On his costume I added a trim
mustard yellow, but though he’s not slim,
he’s no Oscar Mayer,
so don’t raise his ire
by taking a bite out of him!...

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Hallow-weenie night
Filled with dreadful scary fright
Creatures in the dark

Pumpkins carved and lit
Yellow glow casts eerie spells
Zombies walk tonight

Kids tempt dreadful fate
Spooky mask hides smiling face
Shadows jumping-Boo!



***HALLOWEEN HAIKU*** Contest   
Sponsored by: Linda-Marie The Sweetheart of P.S....

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It is skimpy
But not indecent
It looks fabulous on a pre-teen
But do not get any ideas
Because that would be creepy

Old women look better in a one piece
And if they are wide they sometimes do better with a skirt
Bikinis are not for everyone
But when I see a yellow polka dotted one,
Look out.

My singing voice comes out
And I am no Brian Hyland...

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aka

           HALLO WEENIE!

Police say a woman named Gidget
Took a fancy to a man's digit 
She knew it would grow
But you ought to know
His digit now hangs on a midget!


Added by Belle Bellevue:  

The midget was proud of his digit
He wondered just how Gidget did it
It hung to his knees
And swung in the breeze 
Witch Gidget was wetting her britches...

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I stripped down to my skivvies
Revealing all flab
Something is sagging
I think it's my BALLS
MAN! am I bummed
Can't examine the rear
Who would laugh
but the kids drinking beer
Their's are nice and firm
While ours is dragging skin
The bulge on my weenie
is old age coming in
When I go to the john
the diaper is smelly
especially the parts
that connect to the belly
When worse comes to worse
My uncle makes house calls
To the old and weary
geezers with sagging balls...

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Eenie Weenie Finey Toe, which one of the Christians has to go?
The Romans were chanting loudly from the sixteenth row.
Lion eyes the captured with his beady yellow eyes that glow.
Eenie Weenie Finey Toe, he thinks as a growl starts way below.

Does not matter, he gets to eat them all – the small and tall.
There are plenty of them, and he has time to get them all.
The crowd begins chanting “stop waiting! Why the big stall?”
They are blood-thirsty all around the colosseum wall....

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