Short Trouser Poems

Who
now
wears them?
trouser suits,
a man/woman thing....

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Under my trouser
I never wear underwear
but the Judge
penalised me forty lashes
publically in a public place....

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now,
(my) collection of poems
library
on the bookshelf
coming out
in backpack bag
at the coffee shop
into back trouser pocket,
I'm going to meet you....

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A whale on the beach,
A figure of speech,
A trouser seat snagged on a fence.        
A bird in the hand,
A castle of sand,     
A riddle that doesn't make sense...

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There once was a king cobra called Lance,
Who heard music and went in a trance.
People thought he was asleep,
As his thoughts were so deep.
Then he reared up and lunged for their pants.


Jack Horne for Dr Ram's Music and Meditation...

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   the press of the crowd
     reset trouser creases 
   glad-handing, back slaps
     he almost kissed a baby!

   compared to a county fair
     guernsey cows, who cares… 
   cloth diapers attack the nose
     NYC’s homeless, anything goes
...

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I've got to pee so badly I can
Taste it backing up in my throat
I cannot hold it a long, long time; I'm
Going to empty it down my
Trouser legs and into my shoes
My bladder will otherwise rupture
And fill my guts with urine
That can't be healthy; I'd probably die....

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Some men betray a basic skill
when standing at a urinal.
Aiming straight, apparently,
doesn’t come easily or naturally – 

a basic lack of hand and eye
coordination, apparently.
But then some men don’t make a fuss
of splattered shoes and trouser cuffs.

...

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     I think I’ll stomp on you 
       Crush you, you worthless weed
     Fools include you in a bouquet
       Recipients look the other way

       Oh, drat, my trouser cuff is yellow
     The launderess will bellow
       Greasy stains take time to fade
         ~ Reputations rarely remade 
...

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I fell asleep on the bench 
And let out a fart with such a stench
Blew a hole in my trouser
And smelt of garlic and Gouda
I had to wake up and retch

So off I went home to sleep
But the sleep was not all that deep
Due to the previous surprise 
That watered my eyes
I lay there instead counting sheep....

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The Ding-a-ling

An innocent fellow named Bob

never knew joy came from a knob

till the time that his grew

when he kissed sexy Sue

and he felt his trouser snake throb!


April 27, 2017
Inspired by the Limerick Contest of Jan Allison
(Watch the funny video, one of my favorite novelty
songs from the '70's)...

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I knew my Halloween candy he ate,
my dear sweet brother, him I’d never hate.
His fancy candy trouser
I’d hide to serve as teaser,
my aim I’d achieve to see him irate. 


October 21, 2019
Syllable count : 10/10/7/7/10
Checked on howmanysyllables.com
Contest : If I Were Your Brother
Sponsor : Bobby May...

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I'm hoping to be teacher's pet
By reciting my alphabet
My teacher said to me,
"Jimmy you missed out P"
I'm crying and very upset!


My teacher, her name is Miss Clegg
Said Jimmy, "Tell me, I won't beg"
Where is the missing P
I said, "Miss, can't you see
It's running down my trouser leg!"
...

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Matt gifted her chocs and a flower
Without joy after many an hour
    Rebuffed trouser lump
    Not even dry hump
So ended the night with cold shower

----------------------------------

9-9-5-5-9 (howmanysyllables.com)

(C) John C Michaels, May 2017

(Lots of serious poems written recently, so time to lighten the mood!)...

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He had a dream about the draws ,
Some friends believe there are no flaws ,
To nail it big they thought,
But it all came to not,
As tickets fail ;he runs and craws .

He speeds out of town to save his face ,
His trouser falls from waist for it lacks lace ,
Makes kids to laugh to this scene,
This is painful like a pin  ,
As he tries to hide to erase  this case .


4-29-2017...

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She ate the cake and had it too
                                    Hide your face Sarah peekaboo
                                       The cake had a rotten egg
                                       Fell on baker's trouser leg
                                  The baker made much of his shoe









Today's Limerick 21 November 2014/Limerick/ Copyright (c) Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty...

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Whey faced and ashen
Trouser leg rolled up
Jagged shinbone jutting
With a ragged grin.
Words tumbling 
From a mouth
Shocked and numb
Sitting stiffbacked
In the dentist's window
Facing the street
Two women busy
Mothering the casualty
Until the ambulance.
Outside unrelenting
Lay the pavement
 On a freezing Friday
Ice glinting coldly
And unconcerned.
Inside an old  soldier
Never before
Brought low in battle....

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You can’t hold your breath and say see you later
So as they got out they stayed silent
When I let one loose in the elevator
And it was both silent and violent

The chocolates are melting, the flowers are wilting 
From my trouser pockets there’s steam
And that’s why I prayed that the lady who’d stayed
Was always that odd shade of green



1 August 2021
Contest: When I Let One Loose In The Elevator
Sponsor: Charles Messina...

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Infernal heat

To suffer yes infernal heat,
To burn the fork out of your trouser seat,
submerged in loves tales of deceit,
when tender-loin arouses,
to burn with fires taste of lust,
to strap it down to stop its thrust,
to feel like it might surely bust,
unless the flame she douses,
to pander to this manly urge,
to feel the blood the rising, surge,
could be my fetal fatal final dirge, 
from coming, passion flowers…

Don Johnson...

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A neighbor I have
a cruel tiger of  life he is
every skirt is an ice-cream
a trouser he sees is a toad
models of car creep to his homestead
hooting, “I am here, buy me, buy me”
in the bank all types of currency
scream for space in his pocket
yet next door, in the streets
flies scramble over the faces
of humans sub-human in life
garbage bins suffer pains
of the finger prints of the unfortunate
who would have been aborted not born!...

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The bunny came and hid the eggs
since he’s mammal the question begs
	where did they come from?
	did he buy lump sum?
wonder what he’d do with frog legs?

What’s with the chicks following him?
maybe they’re there on a wild whim
	difference in age?
	large, I’d wage
but I am not a judge of them.

Then there is the most obvious question
if Easter Bunny is male, concession,
	how could he lay an egg
	down his long trouser leg?
I think I need a therapy session....

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In my jacket pocket
I once found a banknote
Completely forgotten

In my trouser pocket
I once found a banknote
Washed to extinction

I said I didn’t need it
The banknote discretely placed
In my packpocket

Walking down main street
I once found a banknote
Blowing softly in the wind

I remember my first payday
Banknotes and coins in a paper bag
Placed into my jacket pocket

Today I found a face mask
Same colour as a serious banknote
In my jacket pocket...

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I'll always remember Granpa Shreeve
at Eaton Road,where he+Gran dwelt,
a wide thick trouser buckled belt
no collar,braces+rolled-up shirt sleeve

He kept hens at the bottom of his patch
his soldier's back now bent to stoop,
collecting eggs from his home-coop,
each day letting them out to root+scratch 

Organically grown,fed as range free
a pullet killed as a Christmas treat
each day a fresh egg for dinner or tea

Old-fashioned,a bit of a tartar, 
far-off days..Gran was his domestic martyr...

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