Short Muffet Poems

no web spun spider

tart tongue aimlessly flicking

  ~ licked, lacking bulls-eye...

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Ms. Muffet won’t lift off her tuffet.
Cream puffs and cheetos won’t help.
A spider is beside the point…

3/17/2020...

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Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey..
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And said, "is that stuff pro-biotic?...

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Let me tell you bout Little Miss Muffet
Why she constantly sat on a tuffet
She was fooling around
With Wee Willie in town
And Wee Willie really did rough it...

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‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it....

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She said: 'I think that I shall never see
A thing as ugly as this bug on me
  If I were a spider
  I'd have to hide from her
But it's just a tarantula ~ Whooppee'...

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Do you remember the rhyme, Miss Muffet,
About the little girl that sat on a tuffet,
She didn't run away,
She decided to stay,
She sat on the spider and snuffed it!...

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The cantankerous old Mr. Muffet
spoke nonsense and lies from his tuffet.
When you think that I may  
wax apophatic to say
I would never insult him, go stuff it!
       ~...

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LIBERATED     FEMALE



Little Miss Muffet got up off her tuffet

And threw her curds  a-whey

That spider trying to sit beside her

Found that Miss Muffet had gone away....

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Said contrary and crabby Miss Muffet
“Hey eight-legs! Kiss my bare Tuffet!” 
From above and beyond, Charlotte dropped a fine line
And bit the old bag where the sun doesn’t shine…

For Andrea’s clerihew contest...

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Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
       Muffet found bike rider
       who called himself Spider
 and, after curds, he and she sped a-whey

May 12, 2023
...

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Mrs. Muffet sat on her tuffet
And complained it was too small
The spider beside  her lauged and said
"You're just wider, that's all"
So Mrs. Muffet got off her tuffet
And knocked that spider off the wall
Then she got a bigger tuffet, 
A new box of Twinkies
And promptly ate them all...

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Little Miss Muffet

             (Modern Version)

      Little Miss Muffit sat on her tushy
      Eating her curds and whey.
      A great big spider sat down beside her
      And was killed by a pesticide spray. 


      Barry Stebbings       
       18/6/2916

     (Not really in favour of killing spiders)...

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Little Miss Muffet
Sat listening to Jimmy Buffet
While eating some crud that
made her sway...
Along came a spider
A notorious derider
And here's what he had to say
"Hey, Chickee, come visit my web site!"
At that she made her day...
She "clocked" the "mother"
Like no other
Sometimes things just
turn out that way....

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Old Mother Goose
Frankly speaking was rather loose
The neighborhood was shocked and all in a dander
When she had a brief affair with a well-feathered Gander

When the news reached Jack and Jill
They took that tumble down the hill
Poor Jill lost her drawers and good gracious alive!
Little Jack got a rise in his tattered Levis......

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Miss Muffet


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
After coming home from the pub

When up came a spider
And sat down beside her
So she smashed it to bits with a club

Now Caroline wouldn’t use
Wouldn’t deign to let loose
With a club - ‘cause she isn’t so thick

And it was not just a thump
No despatch with a bump
But sure death by a huge hockey stick!!!...

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puppy licks himself all over
    kitty wrestles with a bone
  a horse jumps over the moon
    a cow on the range is home

  a snake sits next to Miss Muffet
    a spider swallows a rock whole
  Little Bo Peep loses her bears
    a sheep gets engaged to a foal

  animals normally don't act out of character
    ~ we humans design wigs for baldies and barristers...

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i could be little bo peep
whose lost her sheep
but then i'd always know
where to find them

or little miss muffet
who sat on my tuffet
then came a spider
but it would only run away

or little jack horner
who sat in the corner
and corners are my forte
I've often heard them say

i could be jack or jill
my life goes up hill
and i often tumble
but no-one comes after....

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A tisket, a tasket
    He peed in her basket
  He stuck in his thumb
    Is he ever dumb

  She sat on a tuffet
    Muffet couldn't 'rough it'
  Jill went up the hill
    Jack sure got a thrill 

  Peas porridge hot
    Hits her sweet spot
  The Prince put on her slipper
    Then dove right into her

  If you think this is too daring ~
    Read what your grandkids are sharing...

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Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Wiling her time away
She heard some shooting
Of course, it was Putin
Egging his puppets on.
She did not know them
So she did not show them
Any sign of fear,
Her innocent face
As she made them a place
Saying, puppets come over here
They loosened their strings
And started to sing
Together in harmony
Sitting together
Like birds of a feather
Peaceful, Happy and Free...

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Then there is that other Jack who has
burned his posterior by his
tremendous leaping over
that hot candlestick, but
he is okay now
and ready for
another 
happy 
day.

And, who could forget Miss Muffet yet?
She of such terrible fright when
that silly old spider sat
too close to her tuffet.
Wouldn't you run off
if it were to
happen that
way for
you?

THE END ....   whew!  Glad that's over with .... smile...

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There's my lil kitten!
Sittin' cozy in my mitten
Too tuckered out to play :)
Don't think she'd fit in a glove
(And I'm too gentle to shove)
So I'll go without mittens today


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jan. 11, 20223
To the rhyming tune of "Little Miss Muffet"
(This cat caper is purely fictional, not based on an actual event)

"Of what use are gloves to fingers that only understand mittens" Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: John lawless...

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet 
drinking a mocha late, 
but when that old spider sat down beside her
she pulled out her Mace and let spray!

That arachnid took flight to her great delight 
having learned his lesson in spades.
Miss Muffet was tough not made of fluff 
her skills on defense made the grade.

Now this comely young Miss did indeed want a kiss
but not from a hairy old bug. 
The romance she sought would be dearly bought
by a guy that she actually dug....

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Little Miss Muffet loved her curds and whey,  
give me a box of cereal with cold milk and I will be on my way.  
Along came a spider,  
I bet they did not bring a glass of cider.  
Little Miss Muffet should pick her friends better,  
how about getting an English Setter.  
Be careful who your friends are,  
or you will not go very far.  

...

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There was a young fellow named Sonny
Who went on a date with his Honey.
When he looked at the check,
He said “Oh, golly heck,
The taxman took all of my money”.

There was a young fellow named Max
Who neglected to pay income tax.
The taxman said, “Okay.
I will garnish your pay.
Now give me your shirt and your slacks”.

Miss Muffet was taking her pay
In nothing but sweet curds and whey.
Taxman the spider
Sat down beside her
And took all her curds pay away.

won 4th place...

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