Short Deputy Poems

The deputy drinks
Scotch from a bottle-



with painted nails 
and a giggle...

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A candy cane fell off the tree
And landed on my pussy's knee
She licked sweet hair
'Til it was bare
Some call that, "Serendipity"!...

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David Cameron’s should stand down for his deputy to take over
He makes and validates the tax laws, 
What about his character and moral fibre?...

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"Hello Bob!" were the very last words
that Deputy Robert M Ollinger heard
just before he got blown away
by William H Bonney, during the Kid's greatest escape....

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When sheriff Taylor saw the docket
 He found Otis high as a rocket
 Incompetence was rife
 With his deputy Fife
 Who kept a bullet in his pocket

 3'17-2022...

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"Hello Bob!" were the very last words,
that Deputy Robert M Ollinger heard,
just before he got blown away,
by William H Bonney, during the Kid's greatest escape....

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Sheriff Andy’s had his share of strife
with his deputy dope, Barney Fife.
That first time that Barney
showed up full of blarney,
Andy ought to have run for his life!


Feb. 7, 2019...

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Barney the Deputy of Mayberry,
one bullet in pocket he did carry.
Before a crime wave could flood,
he would nip it in the bud.
To the law the Deputy was married.



2/2/19
...

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In a frontier town of Oregon
lives a rascally son of a gun.
He’s taking on louses
that beat up their spouses.
I can hardly believe that’s my son!


For Carolyn Devonshire's Contest:
Lawyer Limericks...

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ive never met anyone in this life
as nervous as deputy barney fife
andy gave him a big gun
but a bullet only one
and will thelma ever become his wife

Limerick 4 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph may
2/13/19...

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It’s high noon in Armadillo Texas Sheriff cat announced in her way.
Her sidekick, Deputy Mouse Whiskers smiled and decided to stay.
They strapped on cowboy hats, holsters, belt buckles and a gun.
It was 1959, when outlaws were arrested, and TV westerns were fun....

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Don Knotts played the role of Deputy Fife,

   Whose tomfoolery created much strife!

      He bungled all that he did!

         Sheriff Taylor blew his lid,

             Distressed by Barney's screw-ups that were rife!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved...

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in front, in the yard
there was this tree
perfect for climbin
perfect to see
my town was lazy
nothin happened
it was just me
me and my books
and the tree
one day, in my tree
i saw all the police cars
racin by me
the deputy had been killed
i was thrilled,i was foolish
i was 12...

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Four hooves at the ready
one-eyed tall snorting
he one chewed cigar puffing
left on the rope 
right wrapped round horse ear
eye to eye staring down
the trailer at once prize and prison
pawing the air no more
carried by an ear into darkness
Old Smoky the victor again
Sunder was loaded....

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Sheriff Andy Taylor
Was also the jailer
Fighting for the law
Never had to draw

Deputy Barney Fife
Giving crime strife
One bullet to load
Knew his penal code





Clerihew 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May
September 29, 2021
The Andy Griffith Show

...

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Christopher Black: with his big back-pack.
Liam Short; ironically he was.
Aiden Craven: his names almost matched
Simon Pal - and he was a pal!
Stuart Grove; didn't know him much
Matthew Huss; he sat on the opposite side to us
Adam Ponder, who used to wonder,
Terry King, the class-clown
Eddy Wilkinson, the deputy clown 
Should all be friends for life......

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UNREST OF SPIRIT

I suffered an unrest of spirit
When informed by the local law
That I could be arrested for violation 
Of the restraining order I saw

I accepted it with heartbreak
But quickly changed it to prayer
The deputy was surprised by this
He expected to leave me in despair 


9 November 2018
For the contest, Unrest of Spirit
Sponsored by Julia Ward...

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Where the sun turns blood we stood
Bullets bathing in our blood
Mercenaries grips in the sanctuaries of virgins
Tripoli is as cool as hell
Scores of skulls
Babes butchered with bombs
Our deputy-devil is thick in the head
Tripoli is bleeding,
Africa is breeding, 
We the refugees bleed in our native soil
Tell the London buyers we are waiting
Tell the Paris buyers we are waiting
Waiting in Tripoli...

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The life of this Fife was inane
No burglars did Barney detain
     Got locked in the cell
     As crooks bade farewell
Seems God gave him just half a brain

In comedy each plays a part
Aunt Bea cooked and huge was her heart
     Old Otis loved booze
     And Andy could schmooze 
But Barney made others look smart




*February 3, 2019
For Joseph’s Limerick Four Contest
Howmanysyllables.com:  88558 88558...

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Deputy of Mayberry - Barney Fife 
Lived a very hyper-kinetic life 
I always thought...he was gay 
But he just acted...that way 
Then I found out, Thelma-Lou was his wife
 
He thought he was an expert with a gun 
But in truth, he never shot anyone 
He always trembled and shook 
When he would shoot at a crook 
But somehow, the old geezer...always won 



Limerick 4 Poetry Contest 
Sponsored by Joseph May 
2-2-2019...

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Two years ago 
Man started defending 
A war with virus
Now still going on
Man's throne is unstable 
New deputy is rising up one by one 
Soon out of control
Unknown and discouraging 
Many have given up and gone
Pity the man 
Pity the digital world
Pity the innocents who have departed
Without knowing what really happened
Even those still alive are wondering 
Who will be the king 
In the next dynasty
The man or the virus...

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The deputy’s deputy is off
Shes taking over for the week
So weaklings and un-professionals beware
She doesn’t put up with any cheek

She can delegate everything,
Every single piece of her work,
Everyone else has much more work than her,
She knows that – it shows clearly in her smirk

“Because im doing it - the work will now be done properly!”
“There will not be any waste or slack”
On review of all the work she did
It was all done front to back...

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POOR BARNEY FIFE

There once was a young man named Barney Fife
He was a ladies man, but had no wife
He thought he was debonair
With lots of love he could share 
But Deputy Fife is filled with great strife

Now he's laughed at by all of the women
He feels like they are rather condemning
His friend Sheriff Taylor said
Get those thoughts out of your head
And let them know you are worth redeeming

21 February 2019
For the contest sponsored by Joseph May...

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Ben Matlock is an excellent criminal attorney.
He has gone back to find his roots recently.
The tracks he was following led him to Mayberry.
The sheriff Andy Taylor has stark familiarity.
Barney Fife is the name of Andy’s deputy.
Andy has a son by the name of Opie.
Their lives would not be complete without Aunt Bee.
Well, here is a sobering dose of reality:
Mr. Griffith has entered another phase of immortality.

Andy Griffith
(1926-2012)
...

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For:  Deputy Anderson / G.C.D.C.


I am a pro, she told me so,

That I’m a sneak, stuff has 2 go.

Said:  “I can’t help my knack 2 plan”,

Cuz I am “Queen Of Contraband”.


I try to be a good inmate,

The things I do, R not 4 hate.

I hope she know, I ‘m really not mad,

But being locked up, is so (F’n) sad.


I really try, to follow the rules,

Just that, in my mind, I must make jewels.

It keeps me real, to fool “THE MAN”,

Cuz I am “Queen Of Contraband”....

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