Short Condom Poems

contraception dearth
                overpopulated earth 
                 kills infants at birth 

By
David Kavanagh...

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I wore a condom for my mate
and said it glowed to throw my weight.
But when she asked to know it's fate
the light was on and it was late....

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Our Potus went to Kentucky
Alone with his rubber ducky
Where a shocked Mad Mitch
Shrieked, "Son of a witch!
With that condom, you'll be lucky!"...

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He-goat said"Mum place yourself for mounting"
She frowned that he has no fear for Dad`s thing,
Not afraid of Daddy`s hit,
He`s prepared for this fast fit,
ready to use condom for this kicking....

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Pretty / Woman
Handsome / Man
Phone / Call
Set / Date
Skip / Movie
Fumbled / Wrapper
Shattering / Sex
Nine / Months
Hello / Mommy
Hello / Daddy



Written for contest, condom wrapper...

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Nose dripping's continue, a catcher I've got
Seems like days since the snow began to drop
I'll weather the blow
No matter how much snow
Wear a condom on my nose to catch the plops...

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Condom on the asphalt!
   Never seen or heard,
    Numb to the world,
     Genes resvior,
Always containing an outburst!
    A terminated vector,
      Malthusian prophylactic,
Condom discarded
    on THE ASPHALT!...

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Oh how awesome a condom, marvelous invention!
Stopping them from this direction and the other direction. 
But the risk when it bursts
More than just being bust
Is a disease riddled infant who'll need your protection. 

(c) Nyongelma...

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I bought a condom for my mate
that said it glowed at any rate.
And put it on before my date
to go to town at fury's gate.

When up she popped for me to wait
and asked me if it glowed in state.
To which I said that she was late.
The lights were on and it was great....

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I hate how you hurt her
You with your brains inside out
gray fragile thing.
You look like a grossly oversize
condom
mostly wrung out.
Slap you and hit
make you cry.
Your silence and stare
skin of your bones.
Cry baby, Cry baby
cut open our hearts
and scream yourself in....

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sea anemone 
produces own eggs
and sperm 
needs a good kisser 
 
[*Sea anemones breed by liberating sperm and eggs 
through their mouths into the sea.] 

THIRD PLACE WINNER
March 18, 2021 
For Constance La Frances “Haiku” Contest...

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King saw the universe in  condom
                                   Big bangs and big crunches at random
                                                       A.P.P.L.E
                                               Pfaiffer and Grapple
                                    King sent "Nature" a memorandum...

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The celestial succedaneum 
is our glory hole in the sky 
we insert our hardened psyches 
(of course sheathed in 
a condom of ignorance, so 
as not to be infected 
or infested with the ghastly 
blandness of verisimilitude) 
into it, and 
Thrust 
while our hardy 
imaginations feverishly 
imagine 
God....

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since the birth of love-
love learns to fly
through the dark of night
body to body, 
veins to veins,
under the broken moonlit, 
crossing the owl sight, 
besides the bamboo bush,
under the half-broken thatched made roof,
in the other land, 
by another sheath-shaped barrier device (condom)!



-April 28, 2019, Chattogram...

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crumpled in my bed.
discarded,
like a candy wrapper or used condom.
Never mind the chipped nail polish
damp hair
old jeans.
beauty is in the breathing.
shallow
in and out.
chest rising, 
falling.
alive and sad.
call me a stack of pancakes.
it doesnt make me a stack of pancakes.
tell me i should be happy.
it doesnt mean a thing....

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The Durex Company’s fearing the worst
Non latex condoms are now known to burst
There’s a product recall
Hope they can trace them all ...
Or unplanned babies may need to be nursed!

Inspired by this newspaper article - n.b it's only certain products which are sold in the UK and Ireland

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-45014118

8/13/18...

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A promiscuous lady named Jill
Thought it prudent to go on the pill
She saw her G.P
He said ‘oh dear me’ -
You should have used a condom with Will!

Jill politely asked him what he meant
Contraception was her real intent
The pill’s too late I fear
For you’re pregnant my dear -
It looks like it’s an unplanned event 

21ST April 2016...

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Sure, we all are in Gods kingdom,
Not in Satan's perverse Dukedom,
And should well clear steer of whoredom,
A big challenge to clinched stardom
Often igniting sex freedom;
Never Saint Stephen's Martyrdom...

Still for microbes a sold condom
Birth control measures not seldom
Infected spouse for The Syndrome
Better get out of a doldrum
To shops go for Latex condom....

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
With thoughts of making love
Jack hadn’t got a condom 
So cut a finger off Jill’s glove
The glove was far too small for him
And it didn’t fit his todger
Now they are proud parents
Of a baby they called Rodger!

1st October 2016

Another poem written after being inspired by Ilene Bauer's poem three blind mic
...

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Julie was already taking birth control pills, 
but Mark uses a condom too, 
just to be safe. 
They both enjoy making love, 
but they decide not to do it again. 
They keep that night as a special secret, 
which makes them feel even closer to each other. 
Zafar What do you think about that? 
Zafar Was it OK for them to make love?
Note.(Jesa zafar wesa shehar wesay shehar walay)...

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Wicked Witch of the West always jealous
Her green skin couldn't be seen near the trellis.
    Cackling at Dorothy, you’re 
    Not in Kansas anymore
Scarecrows are all you will get for fellas.

What happens in your world is your problem.
It's what's in your heart and soul, a poem.
    The lion beast I will meet;
    A heart that will kiss my feet.
Flashing a smile, he will use a condom.
...

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Chocolate Flavored

Chocolate vodka, chocolate gum
Chocolate toothpaste to name some
Chocolate soda, jellybeans
Even chocolate shaving creams
Chocolate toothpicks, chocolate beer
Chocolate oxygen my dear
Chocolate popcorn, coffee too
Chocolate candles through and through
Chocolate syrup, envelopes
Chocolate for discerning folks
But there is one that leaves me numb
A chocolate flavored new condom

Uncle Mike...

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The why’s are gone  

I cried and catch a teardrop
I smile and touch my heart
I look and saw my soul
I leap and catch the future
  

I saw the pain and felt the hurt
I smell death and embrace God
My friend has passed  
And Aids stayed.


I saw it coming 
I felt the shaking
I acknowlege the monster
and except the pain.

NO, I’m on my way
I’ll be more cautious
 I’ll make the choice. 
I use A Condom...

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Motor cars you have to love em,
like humans you have to shove em,
drop kick em into the bay,
or sweet talk em some other way,

i've wiped em out in head on prang,
red escort, smashed glass, perang,
naked girl in the red escort,
guy was on the road he thought,

na ya aint in a race,
so stay on the footpath where it's safe,
condom pocket just in case,
watch, overtaking wheelchairs,
orright:)

Don Johnson 2-sep-11...

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An empty box of wine on the 
sticky linoleum spells out the
breaking of caste;
here the plateau is littered with condom wrappers,
half-eaten scraps of
food and other assorted forms of trash.

Oh yeah, brother! this is 2009, a
brave new world begun with a blast, a
world where derricks burn and markets crash;
Here there be Tygers, here there be a
chance to break the Hindu cycle, to
rise like embers from the ash!...

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