I live my life wondering why I’m here
Trying to right the wrongs of the tormented
When the wrong has control
And no one gives a darn
I wander trying to make sense of a way of life
People trying to make the American Dream a reality
When the Dream is an illusion
For the Middle Class and the Poor
In the midst of all the world’s drama
A young man mourns for the loss of his brother
A little sister tries to hold on to the brother left behind
Only to lose him just like the first
First love, young love stops short of forever
A young girl devastated by the loss of innocents
A dad trying to help his little girl through it all
The loss of her mother now her lover
A best friend, a little sister, a girl friend, and a father traumatized
By a young man choosing to follow his bother into Sheol
She's the girl...
I left behind...
The girl inside...
Who blew your mind...
The girl without...
A care or thought...
The girl who left...
With a broken heart...
She's grown older...
He's grown cold...
Their life together...
Remains untold...
Their dreams and passions...
Exist in time...
Forgotten feelings...
She longs to find...
Extinguished fires...
From a lovers flame...
With charcoaled ashes...
Now who's to blame...
His love had scared her...
So she ran away...
But, dying inside her...
Was a longing to stay...
Love's what she wanted...
But, love doesn't last...
Because love is a shadow...
That dwells in the past...
copyright2011@jaynesumner
I am from a broken home,
broken hearts
and broken dreams.
I am from tear stained cheeks,
flashing lights
and cowering underneath the table.
I am from a forgotten past,
one I try not to remember.
I am from children services,
paperwork and court.
I am from the tear soaked earth,
from thunderstorms and rain
sleepless nights and all too
frequent nightmares.
I am from anger and pain.
I am from being the girl that "cried wolf"
a girl that no one believed.
I am from court and binding paperwork
and having no say.
I am from contemplation
but never action.
I am from saving others
while drowning in myself.
I’m so pissed
I’m so sad
Holding all this back
It’ll make me mad
This piece of paper
Is all I have to confide in
To get this life
I don’t know what I did
The pain hurts
And so I bleed
There’s no hope
And nothing to believe
I’m all alone
In this dark world
This sad cold
Depressed little girl
And who’d have guessed
That girl was me
Starting inside
I’m letting go of my dreams
How did life get this bad
With nothing but hurt and pain
Has it only started
Or has it always been this way
It’s hard to believe
It was all a lie
Just cheating and deceiving
Time after time
I’m dying on the inside
And bleeding on the out
You judge me
Though you don’t know what I’m about
The sorrow never stops
And tears never end
Pain is always there
I can’t look ahead
I hide the hurt
And painful secrets so well
Look me in the eyes
Can you honestly tell
I’m the girl you may want to be
But look a little closer
And then maybe you’ll see, it’s the truth
Things aren’t always what they seem
I knew a girl once
She played the victim very well
Let you know how much her life sucked
How it's a living hell
I knew a girl once
She pushed all this guys buttons very well
Let him know how much pain she had
It made him feel not so swell
I knew a girl once
She blamed all her problems on life
Never once admitting
That she was the cause of her strife
I knew a girl once
She never grew up and chose to live in her fantasy world
The man in her life finally grew up
And the woman remained a little girl
I knew this girl
And maybe you do too
Just don't be conned into feeling sorry for her
For she has put this "pain" on herself and you
far away i gotta stay stay
baby girl i pray for the day
that i get ta see ya face
kiss ya lips so much grace
hope i dont fall over this
because baby i dont want dissed
but ill take you
hold up so we get through
baby girl we can make this true
you seem so near but ya so far away
but you know igotta stay
you seem so near but ya so far away
who would of guessed id be feelin this way
so far away
loving,caring,sharing protection baby
u is such profection
i like ya i want ya
i just wanna hold ya and kiss ya dont worry
my baby itll work out i promise
i wont treat ya wrong baby girl we
will take it long
you seem so near but ya so far away
but you know igotta stay
you seem so near but ya so far away
who would of guessed id be feelin this way
so far away
I grieve a life that can't exist
for things that could not be
of cherished plans that upped and left
of a girl no longer me
I grieve my dreams that slumber on
that I can not wake from sleep
and as another does drift away
for it's emptiness I weep
I mourn the loss of who I was
of possibilities and more
and wave farewell to a life not had
as she walks out through the door
I sit and ache for what is not
for the girl that can't be me
of things that only might have been
for the she that can not be.
Brian Strand's contest 'A first 50 posting' (July 2011)
1st place
I made this poem on 12/29/10
I see a beautiful girl
that girl use to love me
that girl use to be by my side
that girl use to say your
the love of my life I don't
see that beautiful girl anymore
I wish I can see that beautiful girl
again because that girl made me full of joy
You say you'll be there til the end
You say you can forgive where I've been
But how much do you truly understand
A damaged girl needs a strong man
There are things that go on in one's mind
Certain memories one may never leave behind
Certain wounds that may never heal
At times I won't be able to tell you how I feel
Moments may come where I force myself not to run
Do you truly see the price I pay for damages done
I feel your gentle touch and see the love in your eyes
But the baggage I carry and the road I walk
How much do you truly realize
I love you within my soul and beyond my heart
I toss and turn missin' you every moment we spend apart.
I become a giddy little school girl knowin' you'll be home
Fall into your arms knowin that never again to I have to live in this world alone
But you must take the time to understand
Lovin' a damaged girl takes a strong man
She watches as no one moves
She wonders where she is at
Taken by a man she has no clue of
She wonders if he will ever let her go
She wonders why he ever took her
She wonders where her family is
I wonder everyday when this girl will be found
I keep watching and hoping she will appear
I watch the family
Leaves are falling
So are tears
The sun is shining
When rain should be pouring down
What a sick man to take a young girl
With potentional to be someone
To make something out of her life
To be someone that other people would be jealous of
To have a family and make people proud
Because of this man
No one will ever know if she have this this
No one will ever know if she will be coming back home
No one ever wants to think that she will not be coming home
No one wanted to ever see this girl leave
This world is not what everyone expected
For you kayla I wish that you will be found
Be happy with your family
A little girl of six years old
Sits on the garden swing
A mockingbird that's passing by
Stops to listen to her sing
Her voice sounds like an angel
Singing praises to the Lord
The voice of this garden angel
Just could not be ignored
The mockingbird would stop each day
To listen to her song
'Til one day the garden was quiet
And the little girl was gone
Days went by that turned to weeks
But the angel could not be found
The mockingbird would whistle her songs
Trying to hear the angel's sound
The mockingbird would sing her songs
Not knowing the girl had died
And when her mother heard him sing
The garden's where she cried
Though there's no more garden angel
Sitting on the garden swing
She's somewhere up in Heaven
Where the angels hear her sing
She watches as he walks away
Knowing he won't return
A girl of only six years old
With a very hard lesson to learn
A child of divorce, a terrible thing
A word she can't even spell
But watching her father walk away
She's sure it must be hell
They tell her again it's not her fault
Words she doesn't understand
How can peope fall out of love
And remove their wedding band
"What happened to mommy and daddy
Love is forever, why can't they see
If they're no longer in love with each other
Maybe they'll stop loving me"
A little girl only six years old
Has grown a lot today
Forced to live her parent's mistakes
When one just walks away
Mom, there is something I have to
tell you about dad, he comes in to my
room at night, we play this game'
it's just between 'us' he said then he
leaves and goes to bed.
I know you won't believe me but
it's true, please don't be mad at me,'
the girl said.
'You are a 'liar' her mom screamed now
get out of my face and get to bed.
Late, that night on the nightly news they
reported about 'a little girl who had been
killed from being beaten black and blue
by her parents, the girls mom was 'apalled'.
Her mom said 'how could any parent do that
to their own kid'!?
The girl sat confused, she had just told mom
about what her dad did and her mom called
her a 'liar' it's just 'denial is so easy'.
In the middle of an abandoned churchyard
Stands a lily, who all pass by
Growing in winter, spring, summer and fall
Just simply, refusing to die
Some people called it unnatural
As they plucked it from the ground
But when the sun came up, the very next day
Again, that flower was found
Day after day, they would break its stem
Like a thousand times before
But the lily would be resurrected
And spring to life once more
It was even covered with gasoline
As they stood and watched it burn
Once again, while everyone slept
The flower, would just return
They decided to bring their shovels
And dig, til there was nothing to save
And that's when they knew this lily
Was a marker, for an unknown grave
A little girl who was long since missing
Abducted in the night, while she slept
Never found, and they never knew
The secret that this lily kept
Her body was moved to a graveyard
With a gravestone, so everybody knows
The little girl missing, has finally been found
And is resting, where the lily grows
First he chose her.
He felt it was right.
He gave her a chance.
They’d talk all night.
Then he chose her.
He’d leave her never
He gave her a chance,
They were finally together.
Next he chose her,
Who knows why?
He gave her a chance,
Then he said bye.
Lastly he chose her
Prettier than the rest.
He gave her a chance,
She was “the best.”
It is what it is,
So let it be.
Its just the only girl he never chose,
Was that broken-hearted girl named me.
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