All these thoughts run threw my mind question is do I run or do I hide?
I get tired of doing the right thing , I just wish people would have seen.
You were a sheep in wolf clothing, You had me backed in a corner my weakness you used.
I showed you my fears my mistake, Nothing ever seems as it is I cried my tears and let go.
Yet I hear your voice haunt me in my sleep, Flash backs run all I keep repeating "Leave" "Leave me be".
Feel empowered but you hold no power over me.
As I stand , I stand tall and strong just as I will remain strong as a statue.
Nothing can prosper I've mad it threw hell I've won the war.
You see you hold nothing over my head anymore!
For all the damages
there was no pain
but for the thought,
I am the person that I was,
and knowing that I'm not....
A Wanna Be, dog-paddling
on the surface of my intellect
and decked in silence
just to play it safe.
It is a confraternity I viewed
from just a step above,
or so I thought. But now
I need not think at all.
I'm told that I can get it back.
Perhaps.
But suddenly I'm old.
There seems to be
a niche for me upon a field
of reminiscences but please,
not yet;
grant me a plow,
a whirlwind or two,
and just a touch of irony
to force a reach just past demise
into the endless now.
~
Pills before bedtime…
Pills when I rise...
Pills during the day....
to quiet the sighs...
Pills to make me happy...
Pills to keep me fit...
Pills to keep me going...
I wonder…can I quit?
All the pill popping
Is to keep me well
Yet at times I feel
I’m under a spell
If I go cold turkey
Will my life just end?
Give me an answer
If you are a friend.
I want to come clean
And learn to bear pain
In place of happy pills
YOU must keep me sane
If it is too sudden
And I lose my grip
Tell the doc and shrink
Had hell of a trip!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
What is wrong I cannot say
Locked inside is where it stays
It's stuck inside not thrown away
To be stored for another day
It builds up more as does it's fate
Leaving me as though I am hate
What i was delt leaves me insain
And drives me wild with constant pain
My mind can't mild with such a pace
Locked inside is where my thoughts race
Physical suffering, too many,
Afflicted by physical diseases and pains,
Inconceivable that nothing can be done,
Never-Never Land; an imaginary place without diseases and pains, could that be?
Serenity; quiet the mind, body, soul, guide me Dear Lord, free me of disease and pain.
You could be me
I stand here as you just pass me by
You walk past not even a glance and I ask myself why?
Everyone is always looking for someone in need of help
I am not standing here with this backpack to better my health
I and others like me are among your kind
If you look closer at us the similarities between us you will find
So many of us were just like you in the past
So many more of us will come we are not the last
Lives fall apart day after day
Avoiding poverty for some there is no way
Fact is you could become me before I could become you
Then others would judge you like me they always do
They will categorize you as homeless and treat you as lazy
People will cross the road because they think you are crazy
People will run, hide and avoid any chance to see
That anyone could end up on the streets like me
They can run and Hide but they can never avoid
The fact that there is no warning before life is destroyed
Then you like I will hope someone see you instead of passing you by
We are not invisible we are just like all of you we Live and we Die
Cause maybe you won't tell me
That name you don't like so I'll
Play dress up and pretend it's
Andromeda like the constellation
Or maybe you let me hear it and I’d
Tattoo your name across the
Heavens; Constellation I want
To call "maybe I should listen to
My mother more often" or maybe Zeus
Built you just to make the flowers jealous...
October 1st, 2012 (9:22 pm)
I have made so many mistakes,
Allowed my life to be at stake,
All because of guilt and shame,
A cycle that no one on this earth could tame.
I have ran from the only one who could save,
Allowed myself to be a tormented slave,
All because I had never known true love,
A web that was spun consumed me like a glove.
But then a precious presence entered my soul,
Told me I was free and to just let go,
A lovely voice within my heart,
Said three beautiful words... Brand new start.
I have pushed away all attempts to feel,
For the pain of healing has become quite clear,
But the alternative was death in my body and spirit,
So once again I will allow myself not to fear it.
I have rebelled all because I wanted to be rebuilt,
And like a rose in mid- fall I started to wilt.
No more isolation,
No more complication,
Simplicity... wasn’t so simple
When all I knew was rough currents and invasive ripples.
I have climbed many mountains when all I had to do was speak,
And now I am on my way to the highest peak,
For the promise of the strong deriving from what was once weak,
Has finally come to pass in the humble, Pure and meek.
By: Sabina Nicole
I'm ready to find the one who will hold me
As long as I need them to...
I'm ready to find the one
Who I can start my life with...
I'm ready to share myself
Ready to share my love and passion
I'm ready to move on with my life
And finally find that happiness
I've been craving for so long....
I'm ready to find that someone
Who gives me butterflies, just thinking about them
Who makes me laugh when I have a bad day
Who holds me and says
Everything's going to be okay
Who knows me, inside and out
Someone who wants to be with me
Just because I'm me...
Who will love me, in spite of my many flaws
I'm ready to be in a relationship
Where love conquers all,
And nothing can bring us down...
I'm ready to fall in love again
Despite all the pain love has caused me
In the end
I'm ready to try again
August 18th, 2008
I yearn for you like no other
My day can not begin with out you
The feelings you give me
Have fueled my addiction
Unless you are inside of me
I can't seem to function
The rush i feel once you enter my system
Is worth all the pain you will bring later
My parents wonder what's wrong
I always give excuses
And start to believe them myself
The temperature of my body fluctuates
My eyes dilated and red
The thoughts in my head
No longer make sense
Incapable of surviving on my own
I wonder if things will ever change
The drugs have taken over
My name is all that remains the same
Sick of the lies and come downs
I try to think of sober times
But too much of me is gone
I don't want to die
Why am I leading this life?
I fear the changes I must make
But they are necessary
No one knows who I am anymore
Not even me
I have the power to quit
But I don't want to
Give me my next dose
Recovery is always a blessing
when blessings only ripen the air
no words could hurt or do us justice
I'm closer than never, finally there
Peaceful bliss is this sunrise
in my eyes lies subtle disdain
all the anguish nearly empty
closer to never, far from pain
The road to recovery is lined with thorns
on my mind, everlasting memories
I took the time as my faithful ally
until it was time for me to bleed
So I bled for days, I bled for you
to see my ways, of self abuse
I see it all around me everywhere
the fastest exit, a tightly wound noose
I want escape, but not that bad
I want to faint, and never come back
I want to want, and get it all
untilI realize, I just love to fall
On the road, I found recovery
through all the love, the love for me
on the road, a little pain
has helped me find myself again.
The world outside is cold and grim.
I was searching for a friend.
You told me the things I wanted to hear.
You made me believe that you cared.
All the promises you made to me
You made the same, to other women I see.
I gave you my heart and my trust
Come to find out so did everyone else.
So tell me, how do you do it?
Wrap all these girls around your finger.
Make them believe in your dreams and fairytale endings.
Talk them into taking dirty pictures
As you take advantage of their weaknesses and tears
Does this make you feel like a real man?
I got tangled up in your wonderland.
You swore to me you would never leave.
How many other promises did you make and not keep?
How many other lives have you ruined doing this?
As you hide behind your computer screen tonight.
You’re a lonely and pathetic man I now see
Never a friend of mine you were.
You just wanted another girl to prey on..
One look in your eyes and I felt like flying,
Boy, now you have me denying,
That you're gone,
We were wrong,
It was never gonna last forever.
It took me this long to feel okay again,
To forget about all the remember whens,
The happiness,
Feeling blessed,
Those days I felt everything was perfectly flawless.
Those words it's over, my heart screaming,
Every night I was dreaming
How it used to be,
Just you and me,
But you were right when you said we all have to move on.
I can't live this way loving you with my heart,
I knew you'd leave from the start,
But you promised,
And now I miss
The way you used to hold me and say you'd never let me go.
I've been trying to hold onto something that just
Isn't there anymore, the rust
Is setting in,
Peeling off my skin
And revealing grey chrome underneath.
Swirling clouds of mist rain down on me,
It's gotten so hard to breathe,
But you were cold,
So let goodbye unfold
And don't let me think about the way it used to be.
Quakes are whistling through my Californian 9 acres of hills
Targeting all of the marked souls I have killed
Whispers of violence scream inside my hatred-prone heart
Infecting my cranium and pulling my body apart
Shadows possess my lifeless body in bits
When will the madness inside of me quit?
Eyes closed in despair as my fingers type out these words
To desperately get my world of madness to others finally heard
Paranoid and crazy I watch my windows and doors
To prevent anymore of this world's gore
Locking myself out of my own house in a deep shame
To counterattack Satan's plan to steal my name
Planning to steal my existence I wait
To bombard Satan with every ounce of this deranged hate
Banishing me from the world he wants so bad to overrule
Laughing hysterically at me for pulling my Tarot 'Fool'
Sinister secrets and a deeply dark haze
To never get through this insignificant maze
Why would I have ever thought it was when it wasn't? now i feel so much resentment; it was never a good situation. just always so complicating, felt like I couldn't breathe, suffocating. Now I'm living my life just hesitating, waiting to wake up from reality, and lose this miserable feeling I have inside me. my head is clouded with negativity trying to lose this feeling within me.
Looking for temporary satisfaction. can't fall into a hopeless devotion that was my addiction, my affliction, taking my soul, taking what was making me whole taking my control. it's just a bad recollection of what I thought was affection. let down my shield of protection to one I thought was worthy of me and my attention. but I just settled expecting him to fulfill the position.
Felt like I was in a competition, a race on a chase for your love. which was never really love just an illusion, had to come to this conclusion, now I'm just left feeling resistant to love.
Related Poems