Best Recovery From...Me Poems
I see that acacia tree
and I get vacuumed back to the past.
When we both had
a different type of light in our eyes,
with the reflections of that clear brook
evident in our irises,
where we thought that the
sun only revolved around us, and us alone.
We thought we knew better,
or did we?
Did we truly know anything at all?
My heart gurgles a bit,
as it chokes, bleeding on memories...
I am beside myself,
and I look so stupid,
hugging that tree,
a lifeline to what was.
I envy that tree, for its sturdiness,
its roots being so deep-seated,
so much unlike us,
easily broken, swayed, uprooted.
I loathe that tree,
for it still blooms,
blushing with its bright pink flowers
so delicate-looking and beautiful.
So unlike myself.
I feel ugly now. I actually am.
With hate and guilt eating at me from my core,
how could I not be?
I am rotten.
I am corroded.
From the looks of it,
I seem to have drunk from that
brook (now polluted), ingesting the trash
strewn there
I just never knew how much filth there was.
I am not infallible.
I thought you were.
But I was wrong. Dead wrong.
You tried to pull me up, but
became too heavy for you...
I dragged you down with me,
so deep, too deeply
that I had to bury you.
Along with my heart and soul,
which have both turned into stone.
I am stoned.
Yes, I feel so heavy,
so heavy I wish someone
would bury me,
throw me in the sea
so I could sink to the bottom and be forgotten.
Or better yet,
is there a magic pill
being sold somewhere
that can make me go back—
Start all over
and do things over?
What I would give
to recapture that light,
to have you back
but I know it is too late.
You’ve gone already.
Left me...
Or so I thought.
I always had the tendency to be wrong,
and it had never felt so great.
I turn around
and a different kind of light
kindles my I(rise)s.
Like that acacia,
I bloom again.
Sometimes when I’m alone --
I start to think ---
Had I not been an addict ---
What could I have been?
What kind of life could I have given my children?
Of course these are questions not yet answered ---
A work in progress so to speak
Not a day goes by ---
That I don’t think about doing a shot ---
To release myself from this pain, shame and guilt
Because when I’m high I don’t think about any of that
I think only of myself ---
What I want and how I’m going to get it
I thank the Lord ---
For delivering me ---
From that way of thinking ---
I thank him for the gift ---
That gives me the chance ---
To reach out to others ---
Almost every poem I write ---
Comes from the bottom of my heart ---
And the very depths of my soul ---
Very seldom do I allow myself
The pleasures of writing a simple poem --
That doesn’t carry with it a very profound message
See, I’m just like Jake and Elwood Blue’s
--- I am on a mission from God ---
God has transformed me into a poet teacher
The only way I can make any sense out of my life
Is by doing what I’m doing right now
Which of course is ---
Nothing less than ---
---Owning up to my own mistakes ---
For the world to see
Thus allowing me to answer
--- The responsibility of my own pen ---
As i gently clear away
the steam that covers the glass
suddenly!
"he" appears
and for now
"he" is temptation
the very person i fear
Although we look the same
this dead-ringer is not me at all
but a false prophet
who deceives me into running
at his beckon call
"he" controls my thoughts
rents out my face
knows my weaknesses
then begins to plot my next fall from grace
The last time
"he" magically appeared
lessons had to be taught
but nothing was learned
for once again here i stand
to begin the fight
and start the slow burn
"he" is convincing
and so very clever
i am the actor, directing myself
on the next hurtful endeavour!
It's a mystery
when "he"will check in, for a visit
i wish it was never,
but honestly, im realistic
so for today
"he" is in control
my one and only friend
but once gone
that's when the apologies start
and the sorry's never end
Recently in one of my poems
I wrote
“If you never lose it means nothing to win”
Today
I add the line
“When you’ve always lost it means everything to win”
I have worked hard to change the person I am
Because
The Lord called on me one night in Prison
And for the first time in my life
MY LIFE
Suddenly mattered to me
MY CHILDREN
Suddenly mattered to me
MY WIFE
Suddenly mattered to me
And my status as a “Homeboy” suddenly meant NOTHING AT ALL
I was locked so deep in a cell that all I could do was write
Knowing that I was so much a loser
That even those who loved me the most
Would never write back
For to them it was just another empty lie
I mailed out a stack of letters every day for over a year
Before I finally got one back
I won’t go into what that letter said
For it is the one thing between my wife and I
That I’m compelled to keep private
When your life is spent as a loser
You completely lose all concept of the word win
Until you actually win something
And all at once all the years of torment and pain
STOP
Being a burden and suddenly become a blessing
As your final tear of regret becomes a ripple in the water
You realize
With the love of the Lord, Family, Friends and Self
You have been reborn
A WINNER
Yesterday I won a Poetry contest on the site and for the first time in my life I felt like
a winner. Don’t be like me and need to win something to realize you are a winner. Know in
your heart that the moment you stop being a loser you are a winner because that is the
greatest victory of all.
I’m locked inside a place so very small
I do not fit inside it physically.
And yet it somehow is consuming me.
At times, I feel I can’t break loose at all!
My arms and legs were not bound up by rope.
I’m not behind some door with heavy chain.
In fact, I am not forced here to remain.
So why do I stay trapped like some big dope?
And can you guess what has a hold of me
and steals my precious evenings hour by hour?
Whatever could it be that wields such power
to rob me of the time with my TV!!!!
A little progress I’ve begun to make
as less and less I’m trapped here recently!
I’m taking baby steps. It’s up to me
to free myself. Poor habits I must break!
I must stop being such a nincompoop!
set limits on myself; take better care
of me; get sleep, and not just sit and stare
at this small box that drowns me in the Soup!
(note: this is not a slam against Soup, but rather
just my frustration at myself for devoting so much of
my time to it; I honestly love every minute I am here!)
For Dane Ann's Contest:
"Being Trapped and Breaking Loose"
You are one cruel hearted man.
One too many for my life span.
You have inflicted one too many abuses.
I am so tired of your lousy excuses!
Whether it be with your mouth, fist, or actions
You found ways to punish for imagined infractions.
It sickens me that I did not leave as soon
As I realized that you always sing the same tune.
You claim that I don't love you enough.
I am not falling for that bit of fluff.
The truth is, it is you that doesn't know how to love
Go on you know this is true what I speak of.
Wrapping your hands around my neck to choke
Because you did not like what I had spoke.
You giving me a black eye
Because you assume what I say is a lie.
Some one says a victim that makes me.
Well I guess we shall see.
I no longer want to be thought of as that.
Survivor...yes I have that down pat.
I survived your endless abuses.
I survived all those bruises.
Victim...me....HELL NO!!!
SURVIVOR that is me. Way to go.
Do you ever think of tomorrow and wish you had a glance?
Tell me if you had a crystal ball would you take a chance?
Do you ever think of yesterday, a song you used to sing?
Embracing all the memories, joy and pain they would bring
In the space of your today, up underneath your skin
Do you find a certain comfort the one that’s born with-in?
There was a time in my life I really couldn’t stand myself
I was so confused as to what a man should hold as wealth
Every life has a turning point as it teeters to and fro
And sometimes it is very hard to know which way to go
There is no way to excuse the choices that I have made
And I’m the one who is to blame for prices I have paid
There is nobody else to blame for the things I’ve done
It was of my free will I chose, not to follow the chosen one
I rode with demons as they laughed and watched the angels cry
Never even once second-guessing or asking myself why
And I used to be a liar I would lie all the time
Was no end to the excuses come out of these lips of mine
But that was many years ago I’m not that man today
You see I found the Lord and got down on my knees to pray
I said, Lord as you know I’ve wasted every bit of my youth
Today what I’m asking of you Lord, please grant me the gift of truth
I figured truth and honesty would be a good place to start
To try and better understand how the bless the human heart
I quickly learned a lesson, a lesson of untold wealth
The trick to being honest is being honest with yourself
For if your honest with yourself to another you can’t lie
And if you just confess everything you have no reason why
My methods may not always appease but know these words are true
Honesty is the motivating factor behind everything I do
And everybody knows it they don’t even question why
They know I would have lied about myself if I were going to lie
And the reason that I know this I’m very proud to say
Is by the comments left to me just the other day
I just wanted thank everyone for their supportive
comments the other day. You have became such
an important part of my day I would be lost with
out you guys, God bless, MJ
When I'm not in the mood
I eat break up food
And watch movies all night
Ruin my sight
Popcorn stuck in my braces
Slurp soda, make funny faces
Laugh at stupid stuff
When things are sad, I give a loud huff
But every emotion is defined
I'll watch movies of any kind
To make me laugh or cry
To help thoughts go away of... the guy
But man I love break up food
It really gets me in a good mood! :)
Death's Messengers
by Rick Rucker
Death's messengers came for me today,
I eluded them, though, I crawled away.
Seeing just the smallest chance,
I sneaked into an ambulance.
I thought that it would surely fail,
That I'd soon be cold, and pale.
Noting that my blood did leak,
My future prospects seemed rather bleak.
One second, an iron horse riding,
And the next, my suit of leather sliding,
Down the road, at times bouncing,
My feeling of luck taking a trouncing.
I couldn't speak, my breath was leaving,
I knew my wife would soon be grieving,
I thought myself quite brave,
But I heard a medic say “Grave,”
Where I knew I soon would be,
On a hill, under a tree,
Thinking about the riding fraternity,
A biker through eternity.
Suddenly I felt a pain,
A searing blue flash went 'cross my brain,
Something just wasn't right,
Don't people say to “Go to the light?”
The only light that I could see,
Was red, and on a CHP,
Cruiser that was straight ahead,
Probably thinking I was dead.
Could it be that I would live?
How much fluid can one give,
And unfailingly survive,
Or , possibly even thrive?
I had to get into a hospital bed,
Before “THEY” knew I wasn't dead!
How fast can a medic go by rights?
Use the siren and the lights!
I wasn't feeling too nice,
But we got there, in a thrice.
Many doctors rushed me in,
Just one pain, from toes to chin.
To ease it, they gave me juice,
Soon, I began to feel quite loose.
Knowing that this dulled pain's talon,
I asked, “Could I take some home, a gallon?”
Seeing me under the weather,
The doctors all gathered together.
Discussing all the effects most tragic,
The witch doctors began to work their magic.
Soon enough, I knew I'd live,
I thought to take the time to give,
To The One that let me stay,
Above the ground another day!
I don't think about it much,
There's little pain to the touch.
The only legacy I carry,
Past cemeteries I do not tarry,
I haul as fast as I can go,
If I go a little too slow,
Death's messengers might see,
The one that got away-that's me!
As you know I write the truth of my soul
From the highest high to the lowest low
To me it is simply what I do
Couldn’t stop if I wanted to
The honest truth, “I don’t know why”
But it seems I can feel the tears you cry
Imagine what a burden that would be
The honest burden of pure poetry
Leprechauns and rainbows are really great
If we could just get beyond the color and hate
I spent years where that was all there was
To this day the only reason I can find is because
Red, yellow brown, black, green & white
The hate inside the gate just isn’t right
Hate another man for no reason at all
You never forget watching a dead man fall
But in the really real Prison that’s a way of life
As one of your homeboys moves in with your wife
So you want to get high well go ahead
Be my guest and let your soul end up dead
The high I speak of is all the way
I am the master of the games I play
Now here I am a fool all broken down
A ghost of a man, shadow of a clown
With a smile on my face from ear to ear
Because you know what, the Lord lives here
This is my story as this is my plight
Just as this is my burden, this is my fight
Think about what your doing before it is done
Always room for another number in Prison son
And once your there, there is no way out
And you best learn quick what its all about
Pick-em and stick-em that is the game
If you want to have respect by your name
Tell me wouldn’t you rather just stay out here
Loving all the people that you hold so dear
Everyday in every state from shore to shore
Folk off to Prison thinking, “What am I here for”
"I’m not that bad and that’s actually true"
But you will be when Prison is through with you
Save yourself the trouble as well as the shame
Be an honest person and stay out of the game
-------------------------------------------------------
I reckon that about says it all, Just please think
about what your doing and those you love.
Clouds coat the dreary night sky
A cleansing rain befalls me , as if to bring forth a new era
A cure to that which has plagued me, has all but swallowed me entirely
A wretched soul crying out for mercy, for an end
For a beginning
The cool clean mist rips every sin from my body, only to be flushed into the earth
Soaking in re-creation, the cold cannot reach me
Nor can the damage I feared irreversible
The dark my punishment
The rainfall my atonement
And the sun my freedom, my new life
Dear Meth, this is my letter to you and to inform the world, how I thought you were my boy, I thought that I was your girl I trusted you, your face I would seek you had me up for day's sometimes for weeks.
I thought I could lean on you if my life depend but as we can see all things must come to an end, I'm glad to say that we have fallen apart but I wish I never know you from the start.
Just that one hit smoke filled my lung's oh boy, then I was sprung, crystal, crank or speed you were like my medicine you was all I need, as the urge grew the more money I blew all of my dreams were gone now because I listening to you.
It's a shame how you contribute to my pain, you unleashed the wild beast in me that could not be tamed, I could no longer see who was the real me, I just could not believe it, you stole my identity, I remember you did me so cold and now I'm starting to look kind of old.
My future is ruin look at my face, my teeth are rotting full of decay, I'm hungry and body is aching, there is no telling how much now I'm weighing. You have the name of a girl but your strength is ten men put together, yeah you were large and in charge I thought it would last forever, but my God is even better!
You played with my mind the whole entire time, so here's to our relationship, boy was I so wrong, I’m cutting all ties; I'm saying goodbye so long.
P.S So many things you put me through I'm glad that I found out the real you.
? Written by Precious Barnes
Form:
Honey you done used me up
Chewed me up
And carelessly spit me out
Now several years passed
And I see you again
You all smiles
You offer me the chance
(Again)
To help you out
“Come on
Don’t you wanna be my friend?”
I say,
“Nope”
Honey you done used me up
Chewed me up
And carelessly spit me out
I say,
“Thanks for the lesson
I now pay attention
And no longer work for momentary smiles
And long-lasting sneers
Honey you done used me up
Chewed me up
And carelessly spit me out
So I say, Nope
I don’t care what you want”
And I smile back
But you’re not upset
(At least you don’t show it)
Your eyes glaze over a second
And you’re instantly off
Looking for another ‘friend to help you out’
And I wonder
Do you ever get the chance
To brush your teeth
Between victims?
Vunerable, my heart my own; not trusting; hard to trust any one-
Emotions running rampant,
Not willing to take chances
I sealed my life, my heart with protective defenses
And then came you
You saw me, wanted to know me, desired me and changed my life's view
So that I am dreaming of life's potentialities.
Blind, not looking
And out of the darkness through the disallusion of life's negatiivity,
love came through you and brought serenity
And though my heart was encased with barriers, deep and strong
I believe God sent you to adorn my life with intimacy of feelings and
desires never felt before till you came and embarked my heart's door.
The feelings of sadness you broke and with your coming,
I have feelings of new possibilties.
Timid, shy, alone-
Needing someone to call my own
Lost within myself-
Hurts and pains of the past yielding themselves in me so strong
Robbing me of life's true love, its full experience-
My life needing new direction: a purpose of fulfilling;
Then came you and I am alive and living.
Timing seemed off at first but nonetheless we met
Spent time together and then time progressed-
Causing a moment's separation;
However years and live have brought us back together
Through God's renewing--now full circle--a reconnection
And then came you, again, and to my surprise but with a welcomed spirit-
My heart is fully open to love's possibilities.
And then came you and I am totally fulfilled.
And then came you and I am inspired and yielding to love's will.
And then came you and my heart if leaping with joy and hope-
No longer enslaved by life's tightrope.
And then came you and I am free-
Many inhibitions carried away by the wind of destiny;
So I know and believe in the power of love's--your love--potency.
God's love for us. Your love for me. My love for you.
Taking us to present and future realms of highest ecstacy-
To know the essence of true love for infinity. Another chance for love.
MY RED CHAIR
By Leonard Kleeman
I took a hard fall just the other day
and broke three ribs to my great dismay.
The pain is deep and very hard to take.
I can't even lie down, if just for Pete's sake.
But I was saved by chance, you see
for in my bedroom there's a chair
just for me.
It's a bright red color and a recliner too
and it's very comfortable for me or for you.
At night for my comfort it becomes my bed.
I even cover myself with a blanket that's red.
I'm in front of the TV and control all the light
So I can sit and watch shows all through the night.
But that's not the purpose of my lovely red chair.
I just can't sleep in bed with my ribs to repair.
When I lie on either side the pain is severe
so I have to sit on my rear in my dandy red chair.
I stretch myself out and tuck myself in
and pull the blanket way up to my chin.
My red chair protects me with arms on each side
So I don't spill over or go for a ride.
After a few days I got used to the red chair.
I felt so comfortable and was glad it was there.
Now I have to get better to get back in the bed
And when I do, I will dearly miss all that red.
But my beautiful red chair and I just won't part
I'll keep it right next to the bed and my heart
For without that red chair what would I do
If I need it again for me or for you?