Do you think Pharts are Phunny
Do you shake hands, hug or play bongos
If a fellow employee pukes in their cubicle
Do you…puke also
…run away
…gag until useless
…get a waste basket in case they go again
…summon the Janitor/custodian
…ask what they had for lunch
…measure the splatter radius
…Quit – because that stink will always be there
When you sneeze
Do you…sneeze into your hand
…wipe it on your pants
…restrain it and cause possible brain hemorrhage
Have you ever
…eaten an oyster
…in the wading pool of an Aquarium
Essay Question
…What do you do if you find half a worm in your apple
Was here yesterday morning, disappeared this afternoon
Gone a certain aegis, like the wearing off of perfume
See nothing can last forever, time elopes with esprit
Winds of change unchangeable, mother nature’s a banshee
I don’t want to think about tomorrow, no… not just yet
Trying to cling onto some zeitgeist, it fades I forget
Memories and pictures pique me, dreams I can second guess
Moments are all but snuffed out, building up to more duress
Coming apart at the seams, disintegration follows
My need to retrieve zest, pukes up bits I cannot swallow
I’m just a trier who failed, however that’s not the point
Takes a man to face his losses, sorry to disappoint
And in the end we all know it, life’s our true living hell
Next week I’ll be back in heaven, to its one prison cell
Saucer xx427P54 to Saucer xx37PR4
and two digits more – Earth again
Sabre Rattling its nukes: We've
seen this before, on other worlds
eventually reduced, to Radio Active
Pukes – Though an age-old way-station
for our alien species, when exploring,
or simply on vacation, should we
finally X-off this Tumultuous Turd?
Write across its sky, a large 4 letter
word, ending with “You” – telling
them they are globally through...
So hopeless the lot of them seem;
the opinion now of our entire Space
Team – Why bother to compel them
to stop? – maybe the Universe would
be far better off, if they were replaced
with an artificial, more congenial
galactic top....
Grew gaunt gift from a gull'ble root -
taunted twigs tracing hiccups 'n' pukes.
Sassy soil spat th' syllabic stem.
Bruised branches from haggard trunk crept.
Anon sauntered lusty leaves like
punctured packs "f Impalas 'neath spikes.
Their pored palms sav'ring azure's glare
'til that which mar served full bloom's pear.
Adawed ergo were frantic fruits;
comely clusters braced blisters pruned.
For hampered hands t' clutch, torn throat t' trace
felon flavor numbed nature gave.
E'en from this fruit had this metrist
bitten, beaten b' flavor time splits.
'20:07:24:08:04
Note:
a) Of gaunt gift.
b) Written apace with Middle English lexis:
i) Anon - immediately
ii) Azure - unclouded sky
iii) Adawed - subdued
iv) Ergo - then
v) Metrist - poet
c) The following are used with no syllabic consequences:
i) th' - the
ii) 'n' - and
iii) "f - of
iv) 'neath - beneath
v) 'til - until
vi) t' - to
vii) b' - by
waning wits smirked
vying voluptuous verge
meagre mood metamorphose
saucy spell's sauce
hoisted hankerings hummed
pruning punctured pukes
dark dribbles dazed
rusty reels raved
rusticating riff's creates
lanky lusts birthed
callous crisps cremated
crunched crescendos hibernated
crumbling contractions cruised
bursting busty bruise.
'20:05:01:18:32
Note: of harassed ambiguity.
eerie eyes etched'n
cloned callous crest
felon face featured
fostering porous punctures
dark dribbles drooled
hoisting haggard pukes
voluptuous vision danced
taunting tempestuous trance
bewitched aura bagged
irking instinct itched
hoisting sassy skills
coursing mouth clipped
bounty battle birthed
saline liquid slipped.
'20:04:22:18:35
Note: Of pluming picture.
lusty leaves wave
rusty rhythm plays
airy accordion pukes
callous concerto's tune
mystic music melt
smothering saucy crest
dark diminuendo dribbles
hoisting hankering wrinkles
seeped'n sassy treble
like tactic tiers
severed syllables smeared
on papyrus's peers
same spell squashes
emotion love lodges.
'20:02:25:14:20
leering lusty labium
felon feasts fear
hoisted hankering shivers
taunting tactic trigger
bounty bullets bleed
gaunt gore greased
alchemist aura punctured
pulsing portrait structured
smiting lousy leisure
fiery gaze tunes
mystic melody pukes
pulpy passion prune
bruised feelings fixed:
saucy smirk whipped.
'20:02:18:13:03
PERCHANCE, pure ignorance led me to thine fate,
this insensitive cast of shadowed ills,
master of melancholy,
captain of misery,
pukes wormed to,
fester my sole.
WROUGHT, I to thine chambered bed of tear-filled filth,
thy soulless disposition of dogged bitten maladies,
mastery of wanton death,
captain of pistols gift,
giveth thee eternally,
peace lest mired,
in wretchedness,
be thine indeed,
forevermore.
BOUGHT, thee an earthly infirmity gift of thine underworld,
a substance of substantial kaleidoscopic wonderment,
masters of the Gorgon green powdery eyes,
captain favor thee and keep me stoned,
the zodiacal tamed universe in,
infinity delusion,
aloft.
OUTDATED is not part of modernity, an obstacle of fluidity,
utter nonsensical befitting of untruths worthy of,
frontal page jibberish for a stoned audience,
be the damnation of liberal bitterness and,
prosaic palfrey gallops expelling feces,
edible for domineering soulmates,
lost in love, fools that they are,
spiraling aspirants sticky,
cesspool of the,
damned!
2020 February 09
lanky lusts leering
fostering felon fits
damp draw drooling
draped over dances
voluptuous veils vying
saucy veins spanking
hanky panky hoisting
falling fallible feelings
severed surges smirking
eerie emotions nauseated
squashed capillaries cremated
pulpy pukes pirated
lurching labium limbs
paused, party pissed.
'20:01:29:18:14
Uneasy and queasy cos my TV set
Is showing another celebrity vet
My legs are crossed tight, just as tight as they get
Has that little dog lost his testicles yet
While eating my lunch, or was it my dinner
The cat on the screen getting thinner and thinner
The head vet was busy, so here’s a beginner
On his second attempt to stick that needle in ‘er
My hunger abates as the scalpel cuts in
And the cyst on his throat splatters poor kittie’s chin
My two horrid teenagers sit there and grin
But my spag bolognese now resides in the bin
The very long glove, that is slippery and wet
Is meant for the cow, though they’ve only just met
The vet seems as happy as any I’ve met
Till the cow follows through and enshrouds the poor vet
With Flopsy’s guts broadcast in X-ray exposure
While Tiddles pukes hairballs inside his enclosure
I wish it was more like a nice glossy brochure
As another castration destroys my composure
Date: 30 May 2019
Contest: What Makes You Flinch
Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
Above mama’s abode lives Saber Tooth Tiger Chuck,
seems poopy tired, drank three shots under mama’s truck.
Fancy Zebra Ellie loves claws, razor sharp aglow,
Chuck wears green pants, booty often shows below.
Scale tells Chuck carbs aren’t belly proof among lunch,
fussy habit eater; likes round pizza, fatty wings, bunch.
Silly Ellie beams about rebel Bubba, famed city’s baker,
while Chuck ruins five tasty cakes, novel woman taker.
Chuck slugs Bubba; abuse dazes, anger among crowd,
Bubba pukes chili after blood drips, tiger fangs proud.
Three fight until Ellie cried, hoped they’d avoid being stuck,
Bubba gives Ellie five dozen roses...adieu Saber Tooth Tiger Chuck!
A Little Laughter Five Contest
Edward McCall
March 2, 2018
My friend has a woman,
She’s gorgeous and mean.
What comes from her mouth,
Is mostly obscene.
He brings her to parties
She drinks till she’s drunk.
Flirts with men, cusses women
Then leaves in a funk.
She spends all his money
On booze, food and drugs,
She dirties his house
and pukes on his rugs.
She’s maxed out his credit,
Cost him most his friends.
Yet he claims she’s well meaning.
And he’ll stay to the end.
When push comes to shove
He’ll admit she’s most crass.
But she’s tall, built and curvy,
With great **** and great ass.
So we wish him the best
In his venture of love,
We’ll be there with a hanky,
When she gives him the shove.
(This poem is based on the Star Wars movies.)
I'm the Emperor and my face looks like a prune.
I have dark circles around my eyes which also makes me look like a raccoon.
My name is Palpatine but I'm also known as Darth Sidious.
Everybody pukes when they see me because I look hideous.
I was able to trick Anakin Skywalker into turning to the Dark Side.
I actually convinced him that I had the power to save his bride.
I can't believe that I was able to turn him into a Sith Lord as easily as I did.
He actually believed that he could save Padme by killing Separatists and kids.
I thought that my new Death Star was safe from the rebels, I thought that I had won.
But Darth Vader dropped me into the main reactor of the Death Star to save his son.
Luke Skywalker removed Lord Vader's mask and he became Anakin Skywalker again.
I still can't believe that those damn Ewoks were the reason why my Empire didn't win.
CATZ
Who thinks they understand cats,
Why they behave as they do?
I don’t know, how ‘bout you?
Why my sly, fickle feline
Demands attention Tuesday
Then, Wednesday, walks away?
Why, most cats are such gourmets.
You think he’ll only like fish,
Always pukes beef in his dish.
So, you splurge, buy fancy feast –
Finest fish and shrimp delight.
That’s right. Puss can’t stand the sight.
Well? He must prefer chicken.
I serve both dark meat and white.
Oh, no! Please, cat, take a bite.
How about expensive toys –
A wind-up mouse, fishing line
You guessed it – a waste of time.
The pretty girl at Petsmart
Says cats like to hideaway,
A box where they’ll love to stray
So, I buy a nice retreat
He sniffs it, then walks away,
Squats on the news, plain as day
I watch as they teach dogs tricks,
Simplest of which is sit!
Puss will do the opposite.
Then that awful accident,
The abominable spray –
Mine does it every day.
Hey, you who understand cats!
If you’re hip, give me your name.
I’m about to go insane!
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