Best Pukes Poems
Was here yesterday morning, disappeared this afternoon
Gone a certain aegis, like the wearing off of perfume
See nothing can last forever, time elopes with esprit
Winds of change unchangeable, mother nature’s a banshee
I don’t want to think about tomorrow, no… not just yet
Trying to cling onto some zeitgeist, it fades I forget
Memories and pictures pique me, dreams I can second guess
Moments are all but snuffed out, building up to more duress
Coming apart at the seams, disintegration follows
My need to retrieve zest, pukes up bits I cannot swallow
I’m just a trier who failed, however that’s not the point
Takes a man to face his losses, sorry to disappoint
And in the end we all know it, life’s our true living hell
Next week I’ll be back in heaven, to its one prison cell
"ONE
“Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!”
i tick the trickling time of your heart
set in a fast paced, rat raced end of nought
burying your precious life for my rise of worthless death
in traitor riches of an annihilating amassment
and you lose his gain for my vain
forever lost in the hell of my heart in eyes
rich reddest ripe
trickling slowly fast the sweetest hate within seen.
TWO
the sweetness of terror
in the deepness of horror
shrinks my ink in fright of freeze
behold
callous craftiness in cunning cuff of call
of tempting taste of a sense’s sensuous fall
an invite of worms womb rich in pregnant rot
of delicious decay blind in a mind’s fold of nought
takes a guided, guarded watch of a self destruct
onwards a chill of feet, six in plan of instruct
oh! where is the angel of sorrow
to bellow the looming loss of a tomorrow?
life is in a serious cell of “OH NOO!!!”
and heavens’ eyes rains a cat and dog of flow.
THREE
never scream your frightened prayers at me
whose mouth made a dross toss of my heart and hands
and killed my voice in horror of rich rot pleasures of pukes
never seek for my unseen oblivion please
for I have been buried in your long lust lost
of the eyes, flesh and heart
his eyes, flesh and heart
the time ticks a harvest of gory
and its sickle sicks a pleasure of dark story;
never be high pitched at its deep simile throat seek
and never rumble a resonating quake of its fear feast
for the reward is black ripe of a red hot sorrowing
and hades hungers hell fill in a piercing thrill kill
so,
let your begging prayers go
let six feet of summon do as told
let my drossed oblivion wave your bye of sorrow
let hades have its meal of nasty shudders, cold.
THE CROSS. MY DROSS.
THE LOSS. MY TOSS."
looks like refinement
from outside boiling pot in
cool calm big fat lie
her tears tear me up
along with the depression
pukes on everyone
away my boy joy
morphed from this to that kid to man
overnight success
My friend has a woman,
She’s gorgeous and mean.
What comes from her mouth,
Is mostly obscene.
He brings her to parties
She drinks till she’s drunk.
Flirts with men, cusses women
Then leaves in a funk.
She spends all his money
On booze, food and drugs,
She dirties his house
and pukes on his rugs.
She’s maxed out his credit,
Cost him most his friends.
Yet he claims she’s well meaning.
And he’ll stay to the end.
When push comes to shove
He’ll admit she’s most crass.
But she’s tall, built and curvy,
With great **** and great ass.
So we wish him the best
In his venture of love,
We’ll be there with a hanky,
When she gives him the shove.
(This poem is based on the Star Wars movies.)
I'm the Emperor and my face looks like a prune.
I have dark circles around my eyes which also makes me look like a raccoon.
My name is Palpatine but I'm also known as Darth Sidious.
Everybody pukes when they see me because I look hideous.
I was able to trick Anakin Skywalker into turning to the Dark Side.
I actually convinced him that I had the power to save his bride.
I can't believe that I was able to turn him into a Sith Lord as easily as I did.
He actually believed that he could save Padme by killing Separatists and kids.
I thought that my new Death Star was safe from the rebels, I thought that I had won.
But Darth Vader dropped me into the main reactor of the Death Star to save his son.
Luke Skywalker removed Lord Vader's mask and he became Anakin Skywalker again.
I still can't believe that those damn Ewoks were the reason why my Empire didn't win.
Do you think Pharts are Phunny
Do you shake hands, hug or play bongos
If a fellow employee pukes in their cubicle
Do you…puke also
…run away
…gag until useless
…get a waste basket in case they go again
…summon the Janitor/custodian
…ask what they had for lunch
…measure the splatter radius
…Quit – because that stink will always be there
When you sneeze
Do you…sneeze into your hand
…wipe it on your pants
…restrain it and cause possible brain hemorrhage
Have you ever
…eaten an oyster
…in the wading pool of an Aquarium
Essay Question
…What do you do if you find half a worm in your apple
CATZ
Who thinks they understand cats,
Why they behave as they do?
I don’t know, how ‘bout you?
Why my sly, fickle feline
Demands attention Tuesday
Then, Wednesday, walks away?
Why, most cats are such gourmets.
You think he’ll only like fish,
Always pukes beef in his dish.
So, you splurge, buy fancy feast –
Finest fish and shrimp delight.
That’s right. Puss can’t stand the sight.
Well? He must prefer chicken.
I serve both dark meat and white.
Oh, no! Please, cat, take a bite.
How about expensive toys –
A wind-up mouse, fishing line
You guessed it – a waste of time.
The pretty girl at Petsmart
Says cats like to hideaway,
A box where they’ll love to stray
So, I buy a nice retreat
He sniffs it, then walks away,
Squats on the news, plain as day
I watch as they teach dogs tricks,
Simplest of which is sit!
Puss will do the opposite.
Then that awful accident,
The abominable spray –
Mine does it every day.
Hey, you who understand cats!
If you’re hip, give me your name.
I’m about to go insane!
time is standing still
this treacherous silence makes me ill
my dreams are bleeding visions from the master of divisions
if i knelt I'm slave risen a slave knight
give me back my might this ain't divine this unfair fight
nukes and a fear that pukes
once the nobility sucks the last drop of our gullibility
oh i believe
oh i believe
but first give me something to believe
tell me when it's time to leave
look at the tower of flesh and bone
look at your one eyed mighty drone
my eyes are bleeding
where's home
she stopped to moan
it's all out of norm
this organized mess
missing one ness
oh i believe
oh i believe
have you seen the Wailing stone
they're frying our flesh and bone
piles of bodies high to the sky
and we dare not ask why
your temptations
our tribulations
peel off this rotten civilization
maybe we'll reach realization
i slept
i woke in debt
a slave into your lizard hole i crept
it's raining pain
and it's going insane
too numb to feel pain
now look at the peeled horizon
my trap door is calling i hope the right size is on
my eyes are bleeding
my heart is weeping
I'm way past your hologram
I'm bored with glowing anagram
my soul isn't for sale
mutiny and them pseudogods pale
our time has arrived we'll make our trail
oh i believe
oh i believe
everything i see is to dicieve
Tamer Hossam
Above mama’s abode lives Saber Tooth Tiger Chuck,
seems poopy tired, drank three shots under mama’s truck.
Fancy Zebra Ellie loves claws, razor sharp aglow,
Chuck wears green pants, booty often shows below.
Scale tells Chuck carbs aren’t belly proof among lunch,
fussy habit eater; likes round pizza, fatty wings, bunch.
Silly Ellie beams about rebel Bubba, famed city’s baker,
while Chuck ruins five tasty cakes, novel woman taker.
Chuck slugs Bubba; abuse dazes, anger among crowd,
Bubba pukes chili after blood drips, tiger fangs proud.
Three fight until Ellie cried, hoped they’d avoid being stuck,
Bubba gives Ellie five dozen roses...adieu Saber Tooth Tiger Chuck!
A Little Laughter Five Contest
Edward McCall
March 2, 2018
Uneasy and queasy cos my TV set
Is showing another celebrity vet
My legs are crossed tight, just as tight as they get
Has that little dog lost his testicles yet
While eating my lunch, or was it my dinner
The cat on the screen getting thinner and thinner
The head vet was busy, so here’s a beginner
On his second attempt to stick that needle in ‘er
My hunger abates as the scalpel cuts in
And the cyst on his throat splatters poor kittie’s chin
My two horrid teenagers sit there and grin
But my spag bolognese now resides in the bin
The very long glove, that is slippery and wet
Is meant for the cow, though they’ve only just met
The vet seems as happy as any I’ve met
Till the cow follows through and enshrouds the poor vet
With Flopsy’s guts broadcast in X-ray exposure
While Tiddles pukes hairballs inside his enclosure
I wish it was more like a nice glossy brochure
As another castration destroys my composure
Date: 30 May 2019
Contest: What Makes You Flinch
Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
Jenny slides the poppy across her lips
television blast out a dose of amphetamine
bites the midnight smoke
acrid windscreen of her dreams
flash card party
weekends alcoholic one night stand
is all it means
Tousled beauty on fishnet pavements
the one more dollar of the street lights
but pretty perfect feels so plastic
cat whistle raucous
plays the violin
of her heart
She never feels the devils false start
impostor radios
bleat, bleat, blah, blah; blah, blah, blah
the same old song of certainty
merry-go-round of mediocrity
accordion ripping at the barking dogs
and Jenny drops her puppet
then feels so lost
Trick twister and knife edge
slash the wires
says she’s so bored with all this
as fantastic friend Pete cries fierce in the streets
God damn it he says
I want
I need to be free
Yer but free is a dangerous face
a skeletal march of reprobates
breaking bargaining chip
of the lives we fritter
we’ll never have enough
of monies dirty litter
we'll be singing the tune of sirens
arrested in the gutter
is all it means
Jenny wipes the poppy from her lips
as Pete swallows the last drop of vodka
and everything else leads to escape
and nothing is whatever it was it means
the television pukes amphetamine
and the radio feeds on her peace
only rain drops silent stars
lay their carpet
on the windscreen
of her dreams
Tousled hair beauty
and fantastic friend Pete
say goodbye to the pavements
and the streets
cruising into midnight
searching for escape
brighter and bigger
things
Is that all that it means ?
*Reserata Carcerem XXXIV*
Erstwhile, travelled a monk to heav'n -
that Holy Grail.
Borne on trance's wings - pride cloven.
Got he at 't gate:
And the angels all were silent.
Where pale Cynthia shed her order,
for its great wall
pukes rare radiance, beams and Jasper -
and the gate's tall:
And the angels all were silent.
Then his fingers, this marred monk wrapped
into knuckles
on the gate - cacophony clasped ;
his grit trembled:
And the angels all were silent.
Saw he wings in gay - sumptuous spree.
Its floor of gold.
His voice he raised and did quethe:
"Allow me in. Oh!":
And the angels all were silent.
"Why should I?" Waves of waters spoke.
He was not moved -
Knew he in what awe his Lord's robed.
"Why shouldn't you?":
And the angels all were silent.
"The biles of life I made my meal.
Awed no nuptials.
Apt azure rarely did I see,
for thy rituals.":
And the angels all were silent.
"Thy convent was my bosom friend.
Your book my zeal.
E'en for thy sake had I no fiend,
oft was my plea.":
And the angels all were silent.
"To sages'n'lord was I a plague.
Graces met gloom.
Yet yond this, torn ticker sin craved.
Why shouldn't you?":
And the angels all were silent.
Now moaning, marred monk quit his rhymes,
'waiting the sage.
'gain ROCK OF AGES quoth mid smile:
"Know you my name?"
And the moaning monk was silent.
'20:07:04:09:05
Note:
*An imitation of Walter C. Smith's "The Self-Exiled".
a) of moaning monk.
b) Written apace with Middle English lexis.
i) Erstwhile - Long ago
ii) Grit - Courage
iii) Quethe/quoth - Say/Said
iv) Oft - Often
v) Yond - Beyond
vi) Mid - (obsolete) With
c) The following are used with no syllabic consequences in the poem.
i) 't - it
ii) 'n' - and etc.
eerie eyes etched'n
cloned callous crest
felon face featured
fostering porous punctures
dark dribbles drooled
hoisting haggard pukes
voluptuous vision danced
taunting tempestuous trance
bewitched aura bagged
irking instinct itched
hoisting sassy skills
coursing mouth clipped
bounty battle birthed
saline liquid slipped.
'20:04:22:18:35
Note: Of pluming picture.
waning wits smirked
vying voluptuous verge
meagre mood metamorphose
saucy spell's sauce
hoisted hankerings hummed
pruning punctured pukes
dark dribbles dazed
rusty reels raved
rusticating riff's creates
lanky lusts birthed
callous crisps cremated
crunched crescendos hibernated
crumbling contractions cruised
bursting busty bruise.
'20:05:01:18:32
Note: of harassed ambiguity.
leering lusty labium
felon feasts fear
hoisted hankering shivers
taunting tactic trigger
bounty bullets bleed
gaunt gore greased
alchemist aura punctured
pulsing portrait structured
smiting lousy leisure
fiery gaze tunes
mystic melody pukes
pulpy passion prune
bruised feelings fixed:
saucy smirk whipped.
'20:02:18:13:03