On Every Idea
Seen Multi-Dimensionally
Plain...
All And Ever... Ever-Less
EverMore More Immoral-Less...
Is A MigrainishLY Temper-Mentality.
I SAID PLAIN!
I Just Mean EVERY
(Insults Available...)
PRAT-FULL!
Persistance!
Perspect.
Did You Cut That Deliberately?
Hilarious!
Make Fun!
Foolishly Loves It.
Sadly Self-Loathing
Laughter.
Not A Chuckle.
Once You Thought You Got It.
Not YET!
Now, How...
-Gray Squirrel
06-04-2026
There was a horny man from Timbuktu.
Fell in love with a girl from Kathmandu.
Bursting with desire and lust.
Felt she's the one he can trust.
Asked for a game of sexy peekaboo.
Finally switched on their video chat,
but he realised he had been a prat.
Slowly lifting her pink frock,
revealed a ginormous cock.
The shock almost gave him a heart attack!
Paul and Charlotte are up in the Rocket
Paul's barking out the orders
Right Charlotte, Under no circumstances, touch that socket
Okay Paul
It’s Sir to you
Now, I’m off for a kip
You’re on watch, now skip
That’s not fair
A girl has to tong her hair
He’ll never know
Little tong and a blow
See, stupid prat
Oops, what’s that
The Rocket has stopped
Oh, Sir! Paul
Think there’s been a malfunction
We seem to be heading down the junction
You touched that socket
A black hole is taking my Rocket
In your dreams, Paul
I’m out of your orbit
You’ve done it, Charlotte
It’s bust
God, you're obsessed with getting me undressed
Put that back in your pocket
It’s my sprocket
Is that what they call it
I’m going down
Not on me, I finish at three
If I can get it back to warp five
We might get out of this alive
Are you talking about the Rocket
That thing in your pocket, the sprocket
Give me a hand
God, what don’t you understand
Take a cold shower
You’re not getting my flower
Is that the power
Oh, Sir! Paul
I’m alive
You’ve taken me to a height that’s greater
Hold on a minute
Were you not wearing trousers
When we entered the Simulator.
There once was a guy with a beard.
It was bushy and white and afeared.
And he'd like to say
That he brushed every day,
And everyone else was just weird.
I write with the left and fight with the right
cross dominance thinking prone to insight
the right hand said that the left hand’s cack
the left hand said that the right’s a prat
but I’m never sure which hand I’ll draw
I can write with the right but the right gets sore
so I switch to the left and the left writes pure,
but my brain won’t let one hemisphere rule
so I think out of sync with the other people
staying rationalised while their passion lets fly
they see what suits while I see both sides
and I can’t decide so I seem less wise
I think they think cack through selecting facts
and I’m outnumbered by the stupid prats
Sweet Merlin, our black, magic cat,
would meow from grandpa's top hat
in which he oft rested and sat.
His black head would rise- we'd look at
his mouth holding, grisly, yet fat-
a combat-worn, very dead rat.
Each time we would yell the words, "Scat!
Look, what you have now done to that!"
He'd drop it right down on the mat.
We'd laugh and yell out, "What a brat!"
Return his stuffed rat, with a pat-
for Merlin's next magic show prat!
September 30, 2022
Premiere Contest: Merlin the Magic Cat
Sponsor: Mystic Rose Rose
What is it about American divorcees
and the British Royal Family?
Sadly it never ends well.
The Duke and Duchess of woke!
Harry, what were you thinking?
Harry, what have you become?
Harry, Why? Why? Why?
Harry, she’s no Princess Di.
After Michelle and Hillary and Nancy
your precious commoner bride
is the most insufferable bit-ch.
Harry, you are a spoiled brat!
Harry, you are an entitled prat!
Harry, on the Queen you shat!
Harry, Why? Why? Why?
Harry, she’s no Princess Di.
And now we have the big interview
with that infuriating Oprah
so poor Meghan Debacle can tell
us all how mistreated she is,
and how victimised she is
by her haters and her tormentors.
Girl, what a narcissist you are.
Girl, what a diva and what a liar.
Spare us all your fake tears!
Spare us all your fake fears!
Spare us your racist tales!
Spare us your lectures and rails!
God save the Queen from you
and that ginger whinger too!
O Harry, Why her? Why?
O Harry, Why? She’s no Princess Di.
Written: March 2021
Wrote this 18 months ago
but after recent pod casts
I just couldn’t help myself.
Let’s have a staycation, Ted said (he won’t fly
because if he did he would certainly die)
Don’t know how those aeroplanes stay in the sky
You won’t change my thinking so please don’t try
His wife said we just took a family vote
We’re flying abroad while you go by boat
We’ll get there first but we’ll try not to gloat
You still can relax in the time you’re afloat
And so off he goes with his luggage on board
And calm is the sea so he feels quite assured
The plane overhead not as high as you’d think
That’s not his concern so he goes for a drink
Was that his wife’s plane, she’s welcome to that
You're safer afloat even if you’re a prat
He said thank you God for the family vote
It was about then that the plane hit the boat
She calls herself Matt,
because she is a prat,
and she's getting sacked,
and that is a fact!!
ha ha
She was angry with the daughter!
Lost her temper with the father!
Nearly to death, kicked the cat!
Called her only son “a little prat”!
Family was surprised by her mood,
They have never seen her this rude,
She was always so placid and calm,
Her behaviour today raised alarm!
She woke up with aches and moans,
Progressed soon to frequent groans,
Soon she was on the floor in a pile,
Vomiting lots and lots of green bile!
Worried they rushed her to the clinic,
It was all so sudden and all so manic,
That a nice person would transform,
From gentle soul to a human bomb!
The surgeon, Mr. Tan allayed her fear,
His voice loud, unfettered and clear
“Reason you are so mad and madder
Is because of an angry gall bladder!”
She was listed for Keyhole operation,
Nurse calmed her down with sedation
Post surgery she slept well that night
Next day she was calm and upright!
I live by the mouth
quick wit is my bullet
the trigger no doubt
my impulses pull it
You could say on the hole
it does me no good
but I haven’t control
would stop if I could
The day my mouth runs witless
I’ll stand a prat to witness
*hole - play on words, on the whole/ on my mouth hole
The cold of frost
when all seems lost
the soul the cost
Won’t rhyme with post
That’s Strange at most
Just Like a ghost
Hoasting a roast
but eating toast
to stop his woes
and rows the coast
and stops to pose
Aside the post
Why frost cost and lost
Different to most
OST but not close
I’m starved bored
Card board
Card ward
card bard
A Card bored cord
A lion raw as mores
roars at yours inside his doors
raw on more pardon lord
Arrrrrrr pirate
and a fact tack and very fat
Or a West Country prat
Yap Yap Yap
Who said that?
Oh, it’s you just being a ****
Yap Yap Yap
Who just said that?
Or was it me being a prat
Yap Yap Yap
Who barked first?
Cos I am still waiting to hear your words
Yap Yap Yap
Is that the end then?
Because neither of us can never bend
Yap Yap Yap
It’s better not to bark yourself
If you have loads of help
But sorry I am of too somewhere else
Where I can go for a
Nap Nap Nap
And no longer listen to your
Yap Yap Yap
Best
DAMO x
If they have to point out it is banter
cus you didn’t realise it as banter
As they left no clue it was banter
The simple fact is it’s not banter
Banter’s quick wit the sort with charm
not blunt brain dead comments which harm
banters apparent with its own alarm
you know to reply with words not arms
Some will insult you then say what it is
banter they say but the humour's a miss
the standard they bant to tells you just this
have they a brain or a head full of piss
One reason banter is something some hate
Many don’t get it run their lip like an ape
after an insult “it’s just banter mate”
pointing it out then banter it ain’t
Acting a prat is a different thing too
don’t justify actions stupid you do
a prat you are and stupid are you
It’s not banter not close I tell you true
Banter only works against a near IQ
you can’t banter with someone much dumber than you
Banter is something the dumb do different
They are not canny or clever they’re just a blunt
You’ve got roids
I wouldn’t use that
make you annoyed
why choose that
You think you’re better
as you get bigger
bulging with water
oh what a blinger
You’re as strong as before
and clearly less clever
now a coward been hypnotised
lack power when hit the guys
Appearing bigger and thick
as you square up all slick
yet fail to figure quick
as you carry on long lip
Go on then give him a lick
he's scared he's quiet
with muscles real no trick
powerful to scar in a riot
punch after punch felt
lose the tussle fluid muscle
block out you're disillusional
definitely a deluded fool
those steroids look a weasel
no pause the paws pummel
lack strength and crumble
now you're done for
Using roids like a puss cat
stop and you deflate flat
a pathetic boy and just that
the beaten fighter looks a prat
Pick on real men you get beat
boys on steroids are mentally weak
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