Long Prat Poems

So I have some things, that I just have to say,
but please do not take me in the wrong way,
I have this tiny little problem, inside me you see,
and its called trying to live with...

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Welcome, Soupers, to our special segment today. We have a very unique guest with us - a cherub! Yes, you heard that right. Please give a warm welcome to our celestial friend, Calvin.


Calvin, thank you...

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"Truth are not from the valley of the shadow of death ... Lilith, like all mythological entities, are humanity's creation, to explain--what they cannot," ... by The Poet

Hawaii Nei, bidst Aloha, inoa Pelekane ke'o ke'o,...

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Still at times I can be an adolescent, a bit of a brat
I'm always questioning things, though I'm suspicious
I admit there's time's I've been ignorant to even chat
Yeah quit a lot of the time I've...

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This is a true story- no names have been changed to protect the idiot........

Nb- * - a car bonnet is a hood in the United states.
      ** - censored.

On my...

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The House That Jack Built 3
Frequently we youngest four gathered bottles that were strewn in ditches,
 And along the railroad track,
Then glide our feet over well-worn steel rails on the journey back.
 We'd exchange empties...

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Humpty Dumpty was in fact a selfish king. A narcissist with a harem of women, many who were under the age of sixteen. He was quite large and disfigured, due to his royal ancestors marrying...

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A LESSON LEARNT

I'm sat here in my front room
and i'm feeling all inspired
No ones having a go at me
or making me feel tired

Of the constant bloody arguments
the put downs and the moan
the telling me i'm...

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Well swollen boobies on bullocks Boris is boss
our nations Prime Minister at J Hunt's loss
some say a buffoon and they say it sinister
like the mans brain is only miniature 
think Corbyn the codfish would be...

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I’ve noticed that you talk about the things you do well 
I listen as you boast of your ability and skill, 
I can sense the pride and happiness it makes you feel 
I’m aware if...

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Good titles make 'life' verse for me
(romantic, cliff notes, fantasy),
though they do dictate trails I take,
my vision’s mine (that’s no mistake!).

It’s rare a title’s afterthought,
though I’ve been there, don’t think I’ve not,
still, I grant freedom...

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Don't want to be a bother,
Don't want to come between
Don't want to cause distraction
Don't want to make a scene.

Though stating really clearly-
I fear there's something wrong and
If i can't state it here
Where else do I...

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Good morning you good people 
Welcome to Designer School
Where we carefully teach you
How to manipulate life’s fools.
Following the success of
Jeans with Designer Holes
Our next project will be
Shoes with porous soles. 
So the water seeps in
So...

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Paul and Charlotte are up in the Rocket
Paul's barking out the orders
Right Charlotte, Under no circumstances, touch that socket
Okay Paul
It’s Sir to you
Now, I’m off for a kip
You’re on watch, now skip
That’s not fair 
A...

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I've got all these emotions trying to pull me back,
but I've seen a flicker and want out the black.

By now anxiety and worry gives me comfort,
but I'm trying to be a warrior out to assert,
this...

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Winding path through the tawny wood
Hanging branches form a shadowy hood
Dangling vines each spindled fold lace
Slippery, svelte moss cloaks the base
The vented light peeps through fibrous trellis
Addled mind with beauty to encase
Swerving shadows creep down...

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What is it about American divorcees 
and the British Royal Family?
Alas it never ends well.
The Duke and Duchess of woke!
Harry, what were you thinking?
Harry, what have you become?
Harry, Why? Why? Why?
Harry, she’s no Princess Di.
After...

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A football you've followed the whole of your life,
From centre to goal... and missing it twice.
But this vice it seemed needed a rest,
So it eyed your feet close and selected the left.

The guilty from accounts...

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Simon has been gone a long time 
Does he think we are playing hide and seek
I remember him saying 20 minutes ago 
He was going to take a leak.

I open up the bathroom door 
I...

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If they have to point out it is banter
cus you didn’t realise it as banter
As they left no clue it was banter
The simple fact is it’s not banter

Banter’s quick wit the sort with charm
not blunt...

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William Spencer Montague Sprat
(why on earth they called him that)
lived a life of luxury
suited to autocracy.

T'was true that Lady Sprat his mum
with a true Lord had had her fun
and bore  a son of noble...

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You’ve got roids 
I wouldn’t use that
make you annoyed 
why choose that

You think you’re better
as you get bigger
bulging with water 
oh what a blinger 

You’re as strong as before 
and clearly less clever 
now a...

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She was angry with the daughter!
Lost her temper with the father!
Nearly to death, kicked the cat!
Called her only son “a little prat”!

Family was surprised by her mood,
They have never seen her this rude,
She was always...

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Sun's rays glint through the glistening pines
Residual moisture imbibes the fawning heat
A cloak of needles hovers over the clandestine copse
Fertile fortress clothes the stunted flora
A whispering breeze bristles through the jaded cones
Resinous scent blankets the...

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Let’s have a staycation, Ted said (he won’t fly
because if he did he would certainly die)
Don’t know how those aeroplanes stay in the sky
You won’t change my thinking so please don’t try

His wife said we...

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