BAR so near, ajar, in sight
TAR sky beckons me tonight
CAR has broken tail light
SCAR heart beats right
STAR unblinking bright
SOAR spirit, soul’s delight
SOAK I, in joy, it’s alright
There is a loo in south Baku
Where local dogs wait in a queue
They all go Dutch
Yet drink too much
They can’t resist a homemade brew.
----------------------------------------
There is in the house a hullabaloo
Furore, a fuss, commotion, ado
The in-laws will soon
Return from the moon
Be staying with us, a month, maybe two!
Short notice, their note arrived in the mail
A bolt from the blue, a cause for travail.
Do not get me wrong
We all get along
But we’re in a fix; the house is for sale!
We’re packing our things and are under stress
And as you can guess the place is a mess.
What can we now do!
We don’t have a clue
This issue we must together assess.
The ruckus abates, in silence we sit
On boxes and chairs, our brows tightly knit
Till Susan (who else!)
“Eureka” she yells
She is the most smart, I have to admit.
“We’ll rent the hotel that is down the street
It’s small but enough (her voice is upbeat)
To hold one and all
Let’s give them a call.”
We quickly agree and jump off our seat.
Off season it is, so luck's on our side
We’re happy to get a place to reside...
This surely will cause
Surprise for in-laws
Initial concern we’re putting aside.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Children’s Limericks Contest
Sponsored by Eve Roper
Placed 2nd
© 1st December, 2022
stifling hot can’t breath
pray for storm to clear the air
thunder ~ are you there
Written 14th August 2020
after another hot and humid night as I am unable to sleep
Tinsel and sparkling green pine tree
Glittering and glowing faces
Handmade items hanging
Lights blinking green and red
Decorations and mistletoe kissing
Snowman's built with sleds sliding
Hot coco by the fire with homemade bread
Turkey cooking with aroma of delight
Carolers cheerfully singing a Christmas tune
Small eyes light up with dreams of toys
Dancing though their heads, wondering
Children tucked in beds with stories told
Sleeping and dreaming of what Santa will bring
Romance looming through the air
Rings are bought at the perfect time
A wedding ring placed in a large present
Mom and Dad in bed exhausted and in debt
Worth it just to see their children's smiles
Presents opened small children playing
Bike ridding and toys making noise while
Pants and shoes lay on the floor
Christmas is over, phew!
There was a bishop whose sermons were boring
Seven hours long made members begin snoring.
The bishop took offense
But he had no defense.
Busted bladders had warped all the flooring.
bad halitosis
he should visit the dentist
I dream of fresh air
24th December 2105
Phew!! No More, No More!
That internet really works hard for me,
Broadband almost collides with a star,
Races, whirs and displaces latency,
Drives fast as a speedy, sly race car.
Whenever I want information specific,
About something eccentric or opaque,
I get out those long sentences horrific,
For google, to disperse the mystique.
I search using giant, long questions,
And even end them with a question mark,
And it shoots out several hits, locations,
For my personal analysis and remark.
A smell permeates through the house
I’m convinced it must be house mouse
I hunt high and then I hunt low
But the source of the smell it won’t show
I get down on my hands and my knees
The dirt and the dust make me sneeze
The pungent smell makes me feel sick
Burn scented candles right down to the wick
Now I have a sad look on my face
The origin of the smell I can’t trace
Get some cheese and lay it on a trap
Wait for the jaws of the trap to go snap
But the cheese remains where its put
The jaws of the trap don’t snap shut
Found hidden in the huge laundry box
An old pair of my Pa's cheesy socks!
Smelly socks are confined to the bin
Now I can say to my guests 'do come in'!
13th January 2015
Fictional write for Humor Contest!!!
Sponsor Carol Eastman
~awarded 1st place~
Over the years I've spent many hours
And a lot of money
On trying to master
The ancient art of kung fu
Just like other students do.
Then one night on TV
An advert saying
Master the art of kung fu
In half an hour
For free!.
So I put on my king fu suit
And travelled to the place
And suddenly a very old Chinese man
With a long beard on his face
Appeared.
Out of nowhere
He produced a jar full of bees
Opened the jar
And set them free.
Well the students threw
Their arms and legs
Punches and kicks
all over the place
At a lightening pace.
We were all awarded
A belt of the highest degree
Now I'm not scared of anyone
Thanks to the Chinese man
And his jar of bees.
''Did you hear the one about the karate expert who joined the army,
and killed himself on the first day the first day?
He saluted.''
Peter Dome.copyright.2914.march.
Today I've been teasing a lady driver
and I hang my head in shame
but there was no need for the swearing
and I bear my fathers name.
I only put my hand up
As she was trying to reverse
I asked. Would you like me to park it for you
Well you should have heard her curse.
Reversing for ladies is stunt driving
That statement drove her mad
She actually accused me
Of never having had a dad.
She told me to go away
Or words to that effect
When a gentleman is offering help
Is this what he should expect?
I really tried to stem the giggle
When she stalled the car
I can't believe she wanted to kick me
Right where my valuables are.
After threatening to kill me
She saw the twinkle in my eye
She laughed as she realised I was playing
Phew , I'm one very lucky guy.
LOL
The wind rushing past me
The sun above
The ground below
Will i fall
Or will i float?
My heart beating fast
Adrenaline pumping
Head in full confuse
Will i fall
Or will i float?
The ground is so close now
Its going to hurt
I could feel the pain right now
I might not survive
I'm Falling
Definitely not floating!
But then a soft landing
Was it only a dream?
Am i really alive?
I looked around
And saw that i was in my room
"Phew! It was just a dream!"