I do not have a garden
And my thumb is far from green.
The plants I’ve managed not to kill
Are few and far between.
But when I’m at my country house,
Where things grow out of whack,
I take my trusty clippers
And I cut the darn things back.
Unwanted weeds and bushes
Get their branches quickly snipped,
Unprepared for the attack by that
With which I am equipped.
The next time I am here, I’ll have to
Do it all again,
But at least I made a little dent
Until I don’t know when.
Always so lovely to have you back
Our favourite hack on all out attack
Not on your nelly HIGNFY telly crack (or old school smack)
Coz seedier media’s been so so slack
Greedier bottom feeder out of whack
Needier all we lack but dole out cack
Deplore how on the poor they snack
Hislop strop stops slop gets us on track
Everything broken & black he's our jack
Still got the knack got em on the rack
Leader of the pack with a stack of flak
Won’t change tack will get em the sack
Burn baby burn.. the return of the mack
Eddie says,
In Deutschland, school is free, a total score!
In Italy, the table is mighty light!
But here, the debt reaches astounding heights
And leaves us face-down on the floor!
This student debt is such a massive chore.
Online certificates? Yeah, they're alright.
College, for most learners is overpriced.
Because the Ivy League's a big debt score.
We need some healthcare for every old soul,
Not med bills that're totally out of whack!
It's bogus how they strip us of control.
The student debt system is busted crap.
Let's strive to use reason to reach our goal,
With education and health on fast track!
1985 changed a lot of things
no more seeing my grandma daily
no more home cooked meals
no more trips to the farmerstown auction barn to get ice cream cones
grandpa was on his own
left to piece together meals
as he went out to farm
holidays weren't the same
grandpa would come over eat and go home
to an empty farmhouse
grandma was the glue
and we were the jigsaw pieces
tapered together to form a family
now we are out of whack
misplaced
even lost
Alright still gobsmacked how we were
Attacked..hacked..hijacked...whacked
Ransacked cracked shellacked poleaxed
By his relaxed Rat packed knack maxed
So here's a witty ditty ode to Travis
No ifs or buts can't tut tut... annul it or cull it
Straight out of the hut a classy brassy strut
Gung ho have a go heave ho maestro Mullet
Slaying & flaying.. no rut just a glorious glut
Left a stark dark smut.. every bowler's a mutt
Like some flirty dirty sl*t playing with the nut
Hard not to swoon at the boon of the loon
Croon at Travis's off his Head buffoon tune
Stubby not chubby tad tubby like David Boon
Us staunch fans of the promising paunch gasping
Can't snub or sub.. like a lad down the pub or club
Another out of whack attack does launch rasping
Rogue's Bogan brogue.. flashes his blade like Shogun
Wizard of Oz as loved as X men's Logan or Paul Hogan
Dashes and lashes.."Taches win Ashes" the Travis slogan
Baggy green pledge..be mean one could allege
New depths seen to dredge vent spleen sledge
Obscene lexicon ledge to get that slight edge
What do you know here we go first blow
Folks well blokes pokes jokes at Stokes
Campaigner entertainer a cocky complainer
Yawn..forlorn well worn scorn of Kiwi born
Ropey guff about Bazball stuff being dopey
Out of whack flak attack now back on track
Aussie stacks of hacks on a have a go retainer
Haven’t forgotten when Jonny went Rotten
Lost his cool in that whole Lord’s Baz brawl
When Ben’s mens’ gall did enthrall and appall
So one trite slight after another in a row
In a cruel crow from our oldest coldest foe
They bestow their woe of “average Joe”
Get snooty about the beauty of our Rooty
Get fruity saying our defender’s a pretender
Won’t ever get one booty ton while on Oz duty
Just what you’d predict from a convict offender
You wait mate..till your guest & great contender for
Crest of Test best goes on a big spender bender
Martha Stewart is larger than life,
she succeeded over betrayal and strife.
She hit rock bottom with everything out of whack
but she did make the most admirable comeback.
AP: Honorable Mention 2026
Satsuma Tumour
Sense of Humour?
That Groomer Rumour
Cometh the Hour
Cometh the TAN!
People Power Glower should Flower
Grassy brassy knolls
But proles at the polls
Sold their Souls
To joust like Faust
Ignore Marcel Proust
Cower before the Ivory Tower
Odd bod elite’s law
Tweets of Sod and God
No Enlightening
Repeats the prism
Or algorithm beats
Every criticism schism
“Ism”..a frightening..lightning rod
Pot..black..kettle knack
Debauched cheats pedal to the metal
Out of whack flak attack
Unsettle our mettle
Plot to settle that score
Scorched and torched serfs
Any petal in fine fettle
& the earth's core
Pretty brick-a-brack on the old shack
across the porch all the way to the back
delighting Zack who has a design knack
next to the door was a fire place plaque
I looks like rickrack said my cousin Mack
There was no slack, or any décor lack
The fine snack served seemed a bit out of whack
I kept one of these chocolate cakes in my knapsack
I'm really much too young to get old
Something's drastically out of whack
I'm still this handsome, charismatic stud
Why's my body giving me flack?
A strange bump just formed on my neck
Don't think it was there yesterday
My hair seems a bit thinner and greyer
But I'm still young in all other ways
My body is falling apart, bit by bit
Takes me an hour to put on my pants
I wheeze while watching sports on TV
My wife never asks me to dance
There must be a pill old geezers can take
To slow down this aging tommyrot
I'm not ready yet for an old folks home
I feel like I'm still pretty hot
This can't be, I'm much too young
To say 'uncle' and throw in the towel
Gonna fight like hell and never give up
If only I could control my bowels!
Not for a second think I've left the soup kitchen
and quite frankly, I'm tired of all the B itching.
not from those real poets who know how to write
with pen in hand or fingers on a keyboard in flight.
I'm dealing with a couple of serious family issues.
A very sick granddaughter, and it's giving me the blues
My best friend, my sister's heart is out of whack
I'm just done with AI attacks and counterattack
I haven't abandoned the site, only entering contests
and hoping Artificial Intelligence will soon be laid to rest.
Probably not. I've more important things to do for a while,
so, as Duke Beaufort likes to say... live life with a smile.
Something I always think about
Mostly, when I am going out
I think to myself- check the list
There might be something that I missed
Brush my hair, my teeth...oh geez!
Tissue paper- by chance, I sneeze
If I leave...and do not come back
For sure, I'd be...all out of whack
Written By: D. Collins 5/29/25
With no magnetic field nor atmosphere.
Wouldn't radiation rain down everywhere?
What physics are involved with explosions in space?
And what would be the outcome of the human race?
Would it completely throw our moon out of whack?
Causing major tsunamis or have they thought about that?
I'm no genius but I have simple common sense.
Explosions in space will make something happen.
That irrational greed for the power over all.
Most likely would become our final downfall.
I can't be sure if out there other life exists.
If it does, I'm sure they're having none of it.
I'm really much too young to get old
Something's drastically out of whack
I'm still this handsome, charismatic stud
Why's my body giving me flack?
A strange bump just formed on my neck
Don't think it was there yesterday
My hair seems a bit thinner and greyer
But I'm still young in all other ways
My body is falling apart, bit by bit
Takes me an hour to put on my pants
I wheeze while watching sports on TV
My wife never asks me to dance
There must be a pill old geezers can take
To slow down this aging tommyrot
I'm not ready yet for an old folks home
I feel like I'm still pretty hot
This can't be, I'm much too young
To say 'uncle' and throw in the towel
Gonna fight like hell and never give up
If only I could control my bowels!
When love is smooth and runs in tune,
young couples gaze up at the moon,
but before or when they hit the sack,
love sometimes goes out of whack.
So, take care when you play with fire,
that love does not go all haywire.
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