Long Out of whack Poems
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(Weather Forecaster Threnody)
I know, I know, I’ve compromised
My high repute, to my demise.
I have been trashed and penalized
When forecasts don’t materialize.
You have put me down all along,
But am I not more right than wrong?!
That freezing rain followed by sleet,
Humidity with scorching heat.
Storms, floods, high winds, rain and what not...
Stayed safely in? Now you forgot?
I truly try so very hard
To warn and give you a head start.
Please be so kind, give me some slack
When weather whims blow out of whack.
But if you defy my patterns,
Brace yourself and see what happens!
March 7, 2022
Alright still gobsmacked how we were
Attacked..hacked..hijacked...whacked
Ransacked cracked shellacked poleaxed
By his relaxed Rat packed knack maxed
So here's a witty ditty ode to Travis
No ifs or buts can't tut tut... annul it or cull it
Straight out of the hut a classy brassy strut
Gung ho have a go heave ho maestro Mullet
Slaying & flaying.. no rut just a glorious glut
Left a stark dark smut.. every bowler's a mutt
Like some flirty dirty sl*t playing with the nut
Hard not to swoon at the boon of the loon
Croon at Travis's off his Head buffoon tune
Stubby not chubby tad tubby like David Boon
Us staunch fans of the promising paunch gasping
Can't snub or sub.. like a lad down the pub or club
Another out of whack attack does launch rasping
Rogue's Bogan brogue.. flashes his blade like Shogun
Wizard of Oz as loved as X men's Logan or Paul Hogan
Dashes and lashes.."Taches win Ashes" the Travis slogan
The governor’s accusers
Say he acted in a way
That made them cringe and naturally,
He has to somehow pay.
All three of them reported
Language seeming to suggest
A kiss or maybe more would be
Enjoyed at his behest.
He touched one on her back, connecting
With her skin exposed,
Which made her most uncomfortable,
She recently disclosed.
Demands for Cuomo to step down
To me seem out of whack,
Especially when we’ve heard boasts
Of grabs below the back.
Behavior should be judged, of course,
Apologies deserved,
But resignation shouldn’t stem
From three who’ve been unnerved.
The governor should learn from this
And watch the way he acts,
While those so quick to punish him
Should follow just the facts.
Written By: D. Collins 5/29/25
With no magnetic field nor atmosphere.
Wouldn't radiation rain down everywhere?
What physics are involved with explosions in space?
And what would be the outcome of the human race?
Would it completely throw our moon out of whack?
Causing major tsunamis or have they thought about that?
I'm no genius but I have simple common sense.
Explosions in space will make something happen.
That irrational greed for the power over all.
Most likely would become our final downfall.
I can't be sure if out there other life exists.
If it does, I'm sure they're having none of it.
Eddie says,
In Deutschland, school is free, a total score!
In Italy, the table is mighty light!
But here, the debt reaches astounding heights
And leaves us face-down on the floor!
This student debt is such a massive chore.
Online certificates? Yeah, they're alright.
College, for most learners is overpriced.
Because the Ivy League's a big debt score.
We need some healthcare for every old soul,
Not med bills that're totally out of whack!
It's bogus how they strip us of control.
The student debt system is busted crap.
Let's strive to use reason to reach our goal,
With education and health on fast track!
Quasi Puttana she said her name was
Quasi Puttana: told her I was ecstatic
to meet her. I thought it was a pleasure
days later I heard something aweful about
her that had my male senses out of whack.
Orgoglioso Di-Ciò otherwise known as
Vallis Medusae, who worked at Prop Area
for Mr.Dunce deShmukha very prominent
Poshinsteil Fabricater in Mufferville, yeah up there!
People from Mufferville say "Yeah up there"
in sacasem. I heard Orgoglioso and QQuasi
took the plunge. She and I had a date set for
friday. When I heard the chic was roostered
my stomach cringed. I went to the dating place anyway
cause I always do: aint that rightTensal? Tensal say's yeah
,well anyway I was there and she showed up. Tensail said
look who's here,didn't you Tensal,? Tensail said yeah he said it.
Well I liked the marrage angle she was pushing.I acted
like her husband: I was so happy to she her
course now after the whaam bam thank you ma'am I desided
that marrage means commitment but that was
something she wasn't into so we quit seeing one another.
Aint that right Tensail: Tensail say's yeah it's right!
Written by:
Horde Bunchy
Chelloist for Pub Music
A Toad Walking Music Company
Yen and Dolla appears courtsey of
Swigging Strummers
and " Ooh dew whoop"
was used by permission from
Strummes of Summer Music Co.
"Hussie and Drip -followed
to the dance floor" and Frazzy
throw the watta on them to cool'em off.
Music from : Just Another Guy"
sounds of a Music Mizzier.
Tabb-Bell Music Company
Tensal and WhoreTensing are the same word!
Now Christmas in July seems crazy - I’m sure I hear you say
That has got to be plain silly - but this is the Aussie way
Christmas is in December you insist it’s a well-known fact
But in this land way ‘Down Under’ our seasons are ‘out of whack’
July is Aussie winter while in December it's scorching hot
Those Three Wise Men may know the reason but then again maybe not!
A time for relaxing with family and friends spreading the good cheer
Sip a glass of Lilly Pilli wine or toast with a VB beer
Frosty Christmas in December - for some it seems so right
Tinsel and baubles festooned - Oh what a delightful sight
Presents around the Christmas tree decked with lights and holly
Cheery little Santa’s look so happy and so jolly
In December air-cons turned cold mimicking our winter in July
When Santa rode his sleigh down south to Oz coming from the land up high
With a Ho Ho Ho he now powers his jet ski - riding mighty waves
He coasts straight onto our golden sands joining parting people and raves
Remember my friends it is a time filled with Peace and Joy
To commemorate the Special Birth of a Baby Boy
Worry not friends we don’t miss out on all that wintry good cheer
For you see folks here in OZ - Christmas always comes twice a year
Author’s Note:
'Christmas in July', which is also known as Yulefest or Yuletide in Australia. July is generally the coldest month of winter, so celebrations emulate the atmosphere of the northern hemisphere winter. So that means hearty food like roasts, and warm drinks in front of fireplaces and bonfires. Don’t be alarmed folks! – Just for the record, here in Oz we have a second helping and do celebrate Christmas on 25th December with the rest of the world.
~‘out of whack’ - An Aussie term for ‘Out of Sync’~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Synopsis from the composer of the song and clip -
"The Aussie Christmas Song" by Batesy. Published on Dec 18, 2012
‘One Christmas eve I was singing carols about dashing through the snow & a white Christmas and thought "Aussies don't have snow at Christmas" and it was also 30 degrees outside, so The Aussie Christmas Song was born, it's about sun, sand, backyard cricket, pavlova, and a cold beer - Ah!! - Sing along!!!’
Your punishing look;
With such venom in your eyes,
Casts dispersions upon my character;
As if my entirety you despise.
Though my error was one of innocence,
Under a rock I wish to crawl.
Your punishing look;
Can no pleasantries you recall?
Your questioning look;
Causes me too, to doubt myself;
Perhaps indeed my motives were flawed;
Maybe I need some psychological help.
Why do I do the things I do?
I hate disappointing you so.
Your questioning look;
Just what is it you want to know?
Your forgiving look;
Softens the hurt I feel inside,
I have prayed for your forgiveness;
I didn’t mean to make you cry.
I know I’ve learned a lesson
That I’ll remember through the years.
Your forgiving look;
Does it help keep back the tears?
Your understanding look;
No one else knows me like you do;
You know that I’m not perfect,
But mistakes don’t mean I don’t love you.
My heart is in the right place,
It’s just my head that's out of whack.
Your understanding look;
Can you please not take it back?
Your loving look;
Returns to your eyes eventually;
I consider myself a lucky man
Every time they stare at me.
I will do my best to ensure
I give no more reasons for the other stares.
Your loving look;
Can I take it with me everywhere?
The other day a Dobson fly landed on me…and I mistakenly had this hunch
that his reason was a simple one…he wanted me for lunch
Since then I’ve done a little reading…and I think my first though was out of whack
for legend says a Dobson fly is given an extra set of wings…
So an angel can ride on it’s back.
And anyone visited by a Dobson fly…need not be afraid or feel blue.
It only means an angel has decided to visit you.
What made me change my thinking…what brought my initial conclusion in doubt
was the person, earlier that week, we were thinking and talking about.
28 years ago Ali’s friend, Chrissy, came with us to the mountains.
They were still in high school…both having yet to hit their prime.
In the two weeks we shared together…we had a wonderful time.
But Chrissy’s later years were troubled…filled with heartache, pain and strife
and years after our two weeks together…Chrissy took her life.
We were on the Blue Ridge Parkway when we thought of Chrissy…
Wondered about her, her life, her death…and all the years that have gone by.
when, the next day, by a river I was visited by a Dobson fly.
A Dobson fly who was not interested eating me my mid day snack.
A Dobson fly who, in all likelihood, had Chrissy on his back.
I like to think Chrissy heard us talking…listened to every line
then hitched a ride on a Dobson fly to let us know…she is doing fine.
I like to think that Chrissy with Dobson fly in tow
still remembers fondly those two weeks…28 years ago.
I don’t know where this legend started…how it initially came to be.
but I will look a little closer the next time a Dobson fly lands on me.
Although I'm in my autumn years I still feel full of ginger.
But I'm slowin' down - my brittle bones so as not to injure!
Alas, I can't do everything that I once would choose.
It now takes a bit more effort to bend down and tie my shoes!
I can still manage to bend over and touch my toes,
And if need be could do a few pushups I suppose.
But I must take care not to strain my delicate back,
For fear I'll put the consarned thing out of whack!
I still religiously manicure my resplendent lawn,
But my zeal for keepin' it pristine is somewhat gone.
I may relinquish that onerous chore to the neighbor boy,
But those years of lovin' care I'd hate to see him destroy!
I used to carry the groceries but I seldom do that anymore
I enlist a strappin' lad to tote the bags from the grocery store.
I huff and puff climbin' stairs, so now I take the elevator,
Or if in the mall one is handy, I'll ride the escalator.
Lord, spare me the misery of livin' in a Sunshine Home, I pray!
I'll walk, I'll exercise, I'll do anything You say.
Even faithfully swallow every known vitamin from A to zinc,
Anything, dear Lord, anything to keep me in the pink!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
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