FUENTES OPINED
WOMEN GULAGS BE CONSIGNED
NICK HAS LOST HIS MIND
I saw him stagger then fall to the ground
his roars of laughter in sensurround
he sprung up quick
good old Nick
then smiling, walked away without a sound.
Paddy was a hit man
for the Irish Mob
hired to be slick
and do a whack job
but he didn't have the knack
or know the trick
without being caught
and put in the nick
behind bars
but not the sort one might think
where a few jars
may be bought and he did so love a drink
more than one too many
was his undoing
the cause of all
the troubles brewing
and with only one hit
it's really no wonder
he was fired from the gang
for a drunken blunder
as he couldn't quit the whiskey
be it bottle or a flagon
and ended up inside
not on the wagon
There was in a Christmas play, Daddy Nick
Whose role was to wrap presents surely quick
Dressed in Sta. Claus' best...
But while showing his jest
Special kids had chosen their precious pick.
So Daddy Nick joyously changed his trick
To act as fantastic, yet looking sick
The children prayed with zest...
"Lord, keep us glad and blest
Heal Sta. Claus, grant him well-being stick."
Rescuing readily was Papa Rick
Laughing heartily* with his funny kick
Smiting gloominess-pest
With gifts for all the rest
Thus, everyone smiled midst photograph's click.
*Proverbs 17:22 - A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
December 9, 2023
2nd place, "Any theme Any form" Poetry Writing Contest
Sponsored by Sotto Poet; judged on 12/10/2023
3rd place, "Funny Santa Claus Poem - Old or New" Poetry Writing Contest Sponsored by Joseph May; judged on 12/13/2023
the day I died
was a rainy one
but the sun came out
in the nick of time
I can laugh about it now
but it was a worry
I'm sending my love,
And here's a hug too
Wishing nothing but
The absolute best for you.
With love and esteem,
We shall find our way
Hoping, and waiting for Ole' St Nick
Come and let's go play!
There's rumbling up on the rooftop,
And, the clatter was loud
Can someone, please, go up there
And have a look around.
We, nestled in our beds,
Dreaming of our dreams
Sleep, my precious angels
Under the moonlight's beam.
Ole' St Nick was cloaked, waiting patiently,
Then with this twinkle of his nose, he gave
You can see Ole' St Nick out there
Dashing across the nites sky; he raves!
He'll be ringing, and singing,
With glee in his voice, he shouts
A Merry Christmas to All
On, Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, and Vixen.
And to All,
Ho, Ho-Ho!
On, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.
To the North Pole, Rudolph!
A Good Nite!
To: John Darnell & Deb Kellison
It was late Christmas Eve
When awakened by a noise
I was hoping it was Santa
With a hefty bag of toys
Peeking from my bedroom
Caught a vision really wild
Santa covered all in tinsel
And giggling like a child
He spun around the floor
As if nothing else to lose
Stripped down to his boxers
Wearing ballerina shoes
Still whirling like a dervish
I guess he couldn't see
After tripping on the sofa
He crashed into our tree
But still he kept on laughing
As though a great big joke
He then lit up his pipe
And blew out a cloud of smoke
There was such a pungent odor
I could tell it wasn't holly
It smelled like Maui Wowie
No wonder he's so jolly
Our Jolly Saint Nick seems quite sprite
With big happy smiles this fine night
He hands out his toys
And tween that enjoys
His old, faithful friend named Bud-Light!
December 18, 2022
Contest: A Funny Santa Limerick
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
O-Obese
L-Loveable
D-Dashing
S-Sensational
A-Awesome
I-Intrepid
N-Noble
T-Trusted
N-Nifty
I-Imposing
C-Celebrated
K-Knowledgeable
Entry for Bobby May's "Christmas Poetry" Contest
He is an occupant of a room damp
And dependent on a rejected lamp:
The worst so far in their camp …
A room often not illuminated
But in it plants still germinated,
Selecting peeping spots in a cemented floor,
Daringly doing so back to the room’s door.
The room’s nearest neighbor a smelly dump,
To many microbes their Releasing Pump
And, sure, the cause of The Man’s mumps
And as possibly his torturing lumps:
A man Hunger has been kicking his rump
And readying for a final slump …
But wither did The Man this foulness pick
And could Hunger make one licked plates still lick?
Nothing like an answer from Interviewed Nick
And rather a rude one from Starving Dick.
The thunder of guns echoed around the thick wood,
Dying soldiers trembled with pain, death understood.
I remember looking at the nightly bright stars.
Trying to find a freedom path, despite our scars.
Saved our poor lives as we crossed to the other side
Of the river. Another place now they could ride
Up to the mountain and hopefully search for food.
A fire kindled to warm us in a better mood.
Model and singer Nick Kamen
Best known for stripping off his jeans
In a Levi’s 501 jeans commercial
Using Laundromat machines
A Celebrity Epitaph Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Michelle Faulkner
01/10/22
Whom I had decided to pick
For the office was Dick,
Until I learnt that he’d been sick,
Unable to even his lips lick
And on drugs to not seem a stick…
And I had to settle for Nick.
Now sure that it was no trick
Like wonderful jobs, in reality ‘slick’,
Yet aware that Approved Nick
Had been too many lamps their wick:
To impervious rivals, pin prick…
And no push-over for a skin thick;
The same thing as one breaking a brick!
So, for Dick – replacing Nick
A very long ‘Good’ I tick.
While Rudolph and crew waited for Santa Claus,
he got sprayed on by a big and annoying skunk.
Santa returned he nearly fainted, he had to pause,
And said, I’m going to retire and become a monk.
12/23/2021
Contest :A Funny Christmas Themed 4-Liner
Sponsor: Tania Kitchen
Sloppy Santa spent his Christmas jolly
Until in folly he sat on holly
Yet Old Saint Nick laughed like a loon.
Bright eyes twinkling, his cap did doff
Watching a rich eggnog run off
With his dear sweet hot cross bun, soon
To a damp honeymoon spittoon.
Santa saw it, please do not scoff.
12/22/2020
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