Long Whopper Poems

“We have never heard the devil's side of the story, God wrote all the book.” 
Anatole France

"I heard you wanted to see me Boss?", Lucifer asked.

"I can always see you Lucifer", replied God. "No, I...

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COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES  - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM...

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It was Christmas Eve, a Thursday
On the Northern Express Christmas Train
We were on our way north through the wilds
And our  destination was to be old Hornepayne

One hundred and eighty two people
Three kittens, one goat...

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Part 8

The Atheist awoke to find himself still in the boat
    With his dream lost to the heat of the Sun.
And quickly took note, 'Peg Leg' had stolen his cloak
  ...

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Yeah, Right!


A friend of ours from years gone by - his name was Chester Colfax - though slightly strange, was still a real nice guy. 
But every tale he ever told was laced with so...

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I am Andy; I love candy. I sell candy too.
Come and see the many candies that I have for you.

You can buy some chocolate in boxes or in bars.
Snickers is the very best. Here is...

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I am not a politician
I have very little interest for politics 
Reminiscing on Diddy’s vote or die campaign
Rallying behind Senator John Kerry Wishing I were old enough to vote
My how things have changed
Obama’s groundbreaking history...

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Birthdays come but once a year
A day we celebrate, a day to cheer
We all know the day we're born and our age
For birthdays bring us joy or change of stage

The day I celebrated my fourty-ninth...

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Christmas has it's candy canes and chocolate Santa Claus doll
Easter with it's Peeps and jelly bird eggs can get a little dull
But do you recall the greatest candy Holiday of all...

Through the dark of night...

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The Poet in His Casket

Well, look at you lying there!
In your brown suit and gold tie.
How I want to hug you now!
You can't be dead, you're only forty
years old!

We lived together till you took a...

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ONE:
At three in the morning the Internet calls out.
Come to the computer; visit friends round about.
All of a sudden, soon pulling hair out,
The lights go off, a total blackout…shutout!

TWO:
Dressed for the country, a total knockout,
In...

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One time,  I made up a story which I told so often,
     That I started to believe it too, it was a whopper;
It all started at work with co-workers asking...

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Well boys and girls, the staff here at Lim’rik Flats is very pleased to announce the first ever GIGGLE-OF-THE-DAY award goes to:

(insert drum roll, ticking tock, annoying quasi-music and extremely annoying pause like they do...

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***Disclaimer: This is not so much a poem, as an exercise in stream of consciousness. I just sort of wrote what I thought about. Sorry if it makes little or no sense to anyone else....

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I became a FART
                               ...

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His exuberance overwhelmed all that met him. 

He was joyful every minute of every day He loved life and everything that beset him.

The missing rabbit that the neighbors bought their daughter for her birthday, was...

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A hundred-ten year old soldier was interred in Arlington Cemetery today.
Corporal Frank Woodruff Buckles now sleeps nigh his comrades in sacred clay,
Awaiting that glorious morn when Gabriel's bugle will sound that final call,
To fall in...

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(disclosure: i would rather decide on the form of, "i don't care", but since it isn't on the menu i chose the next best thing):

i paid
my dues
at thirty two
and i paid
my dues 
at forty two
and...

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A FISHERMANS TALE
By
Kevin L Fairbrother


Blowering Lake in the Snowy’s is the place to be
To catch a Yellowbelly or Silver Perch
Or if you are lucky a Murry Cod or a trout
They all live beneath the cold...

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Master Brown you have let me down
And yourself too
Please explain in simple terms why once again
I have not yet received homework from you
Not that this surprises me it seems a general rule
Have you some objection...

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Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper

Nickname for a rather pudgy Charles Dickens Character:
Whopper
Copper

Overweight Janitor:
Whopper 
Mopper

Big fat lie:
Whopper
Whopper

Lockjaw:
Chopper
Stopper

Highway Patrolman pulling over a Hell’s Angel:
Chopper
Stopper
 
Louis XVI banned the Guillotine and thus was nicknamed the Great and Royal:
Chopper
Stopper

Church secretary...

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So Disappointing!

If I disappoint you, don't you disappoint too? 
And this even on nights when we both 'whoop-de-doo? ' 
Just like Adam, like Eve, the first verse of a song
Where words say, one ‘came early,...

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Peter and Paul since grade two were great friends,
They often used to go away with girlfriends for weekends.
This time flew to South Africa on their own
They were excited, they had never flown.
Their aim to find...

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(to the tune of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from the musical "Mary Poppins")


When grandma got her mobile phone
At first she struggled so,
But when she reached new milestone
She couldn’t let it go.
She face-timed everyone all day
In her town and...

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Well…all o’ ya’ knows when ol’ Paddy McFarland’s been drinkin’ ‘e’ll spin up a tale
oooozin’ with bits what is ‘ard to believe - fer them that ain’t pickled with ale.  

But last Friday evenin’...

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