Long Whoopee Poems

My Last Las Vegas C.E.S. (1)
(A Memorial Poem)
I long counted Steve Bristow a friend (1) and we'd fly off to lunch
some days (Steve would get 'hours in' he needed for license - small planes).
It was...

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Man and poet? Bet you know it
Tender verse can get you girls
Plain or – whoopee! – eager groupie
Matching your poetic pearls

Just how much you get to touch, you
Can ascertain easily
You’re a freshman? Write for trash...

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3
times
in
4 
years &
1 of those times brought on the little boy whom she spends most of her time taking care of these days
(that is, after all, the reason her man married her---for her child rearing...

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No time for coffee, as the dawn arrives....
I raised the shade. The crowd's outside!
The mob takes over...I'm still in slippers
But someone bought our old hedge clippers!!

     Those folks just paid me...

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partygoers partying pock peck pock
A baa is just as good and effective as a peck for wools and beaks can repeal even the smallest of fleas through the movements of neck and the chewing of...

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Only four stairs to ascend!
And with a broken leg on the mend?
It felt like a wet noodle.
Or more aptly, hot Stroodle .

Hanging on to that railing for dear life, 
As though we were  husband...

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As a very young boy of fourteen I set out one night through the week
To meet my girlfriend from Girl Guides, the beautiful Angelique

It was a dark and windy evening and just as I put...

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"A dozen or so times per night is fine, but too much of a good thing
generally leaves one somewhat sore."
-- a singular captain of seamen heroic
 
*   *   *
 
When from...

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My Mate Pete, he loved to have a drink
and this led him to cause the world's biggest stink.
He used to work in a factory that made joke shop supplies
things like whoopee cushions, doggie poos and...

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There once was a playful little boy his imagination 'Oh' how it would soar
  dreaming of nights of dragons and forts becoming the warlord of his blankets
  and cardboard.

  On a weekend...

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The Boulder
The anchor ripped through the seabed, lurching and banging trying to get a grip,
Dragged forward at a pace, cutting grooves in the sand under, the belly of the ship.
The anchor locks on to a...

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Oh what fun its  going to be shopping,In a joke shop for the clown of a poet.   
Can you guess who deserves a whoopee cushion. 
No-one but the clown of P.S. Jack  Ellison. 
Who turns my smiles...

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I may be all wet, but I sure ain't no bluenose!
And, while it's none of my beeswax,
Let's have a bull session-lesson !
Take a gander around, and tell the guy with the cheaters
I'll give him an...

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An Anonymous Hippotamus lived with zones which were erogenous,
Sent from Trump who is a mean old misogynist as well as a pragmatist,           Saying he should...

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Shrunken sweaters, dusty ball caps
Tarnished silver, and hedge clippers
Pointed hat pins, gaudy jewelry
Faded jeans and worn out slippers
Greasy fry pan, wobbly table
Crates of dog-eared musty books
Tattered doilies, ragged Barbies
One brown old crock pot that still...

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Only six months 'til Christmas...
Yes, just six months to go- 
I'd best start making lists, 
Buying bottles for' ‘rellies' who like to get pissed
And scouring for bargains at Tesco.

Only six months since the last one...

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as a species, we seem obsessed with collecting junk
we've been doing so
ever since we stopped being hunter-gathers
and started farming the land

we soon started collecting
broken spear tips, and old bones to decorate our huts
and other things...

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We grew up listening to the same conversations
We were introduced to the same ideas, and ideals
Our background was absolute and firm. Christianity is the only way
Daddy did not agree, but Mom ruled us twins and...

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Tussled hair, bruised knees, toothless, lop-sided grin;
Ma is so thankful her dear little imp wasn't born a twin!
She likes things running smoothly, like a finely-tuned violin,
But her little boy marches to his own drum, much...

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@FICTION WITH A MESSAGE@


I dressed up my cat, making her look so very fat.
A long, blond, sexy wig and a big furry hat.
On a huge pillow in a wheel chair she sat.

I knew where they...

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Hey, what's your number?....,
.....,I'll call you.

Anyways, here's my story,.....

Twice down off the steps, I fell
cause of my flyer mileages
in a two fars, one near, four rights
then touch your nose, place.

Lived, a wise ass owl
in a...

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Bugger 
17th July 2015

Last night my missus gave me some oysters for tea
Was I in for a night of rip snorting whoopee?
I showered and shaved trying to smell like a stud
Her half dozen oysters must...

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I was drawn to the title and the rules of this contest,
Indeed, it tickled my fancy, enticed, and energized me,
As I feel the need to give substance to my earnest quest,
And a platform to be...

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Rainbow Saturn had heard of the exodus and wanted to see 
So she crept along the skyline, and took a peek, and yelled a whoopee whee!
There were cars and trucks a plenty, she told me...

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When im talking to you face to face 
You play it off like  its ok 
But when you go home and your on your phone 
You send me a text like  I don't...

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