Long Spoof Poems

The Spaniel

A Spaniel that uses its head 
Can tell when its owner’s unfed 
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck 
Will deliver a pizza instead
 
The Afghan Hound

The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s...

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.So this one was really just a bit of fun I wanted to try and incorporate some really old slang type language within the piece, I've included a glossary below for the old words but...

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So I have some things, that I just have to say,
but please do not take me in the wrong way,
I have this tiny little problem, inside me you see,
and its called trying to live with...

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4/8/24

Aww shucks
Still at the crux
In a state of flux
With reality still out of touch
I've been puzzled much
So I smoke a couple blunts
That's a double dutch
From dawn to dusk
I turned myself into a husk
Just so I...

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Sung to, You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, (extended version).
KP

You’re a monster, Donny Dump.
Some biiig-time twiiisted clooown.
To no end, I could deride you,
are no depths you didn’t fall to,
no ineptness could elude you,
the bottom-feeders they...

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The Rottweiler

I wouldn’t provoke a Rottweiler
Not unless I were prepped like a miler
Seems a little inbreeding
Done without heeding
Has turned Benji into a Sieg Heiler

The Saint Bernard

Though not in his nature to beg
He would flip for...

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Could I entertain your intellectual osseous matter                            ...

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I met a smart aleck who was a god of lust
                        ...

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Some think they have a sense a humor                           ...

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6 years ago, I wrote limericks about 5 PS poets. Today, I've posted
about another 5 and will continue to add more...  before 6 years.

I tickled funny bones of five Souper men
So, I gave thought...

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I am not a politician
I have very little interest for politics 
Reminiscing on Diddy’s vote or die campaign
Rallying behind Senator John Kerry Wishing I were old enough to vote
My how things have changed
Obama’s groundbreaking history...

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Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever (Toller)

To “toll” is to dance like a fox
Luring mallards or teals to the rocks
Where a hunter’s awaiting
What the dog has been baiting
Scaring duckies right out of their jocks

The Old English...

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Written: March 2nd, 2024
                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wingbeats on warm whisper wavelength
wasteland, waves of wasabi writhe
with wilting, whimpering, witless wring...

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Some hand you smiles dipped in napalm,
Then turn to poison the second you drop your guard.
Humans, Moral plastic caught in flame,
Deals of décor, rotting behind the facade.
Draw your lines, don’t offer the other cheek,
Run before...

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A tornado comes and goes so quick
 Sometimes revisiting on the same day
 Air humid, breathing hard and thick
 Best advice given…get out of its way

 Sounds like freight train bearing down
 Delivers this –Varoommmmmmmmmm
...

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He was a man penned,
By instinctive needs,
To whisk away,
Dirty deeds.

The necessities of others,
Trumped what was,
Making headlines,
Out of quiet acts.

Into a text, 
He appeared,
From the text,
(h)e disappeared.

A lion he was,
Doubt it not,
Full of blood and fire,
Ready...

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The nation is very rich indeed
 But,
 Wounded out of loss direction;
 Wounded out of lack of ambition,
 Weeping out of lack of impulse;
 Wounded out  of  lack  of imagination,
 Ingeniously exhumed...

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"Sappy Daze"- the Fonz gets a job in a Vermont maple syrup factory and faints 
from the fumes.

"Fiends"- The gang decides to desecrate a cemetery.

"The Tyro Banks Show"- newly formed banks struggle against the established...

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The Crash

f minor


Crash the last 
It is so reprehensible
Jake the fake
Pass out the indispensable
Crash the last 
It is incomprehensible
Just to spot
The need to be sensible

Snake the fake
Speak out the justifiable 
Freak the geek
 The lost...

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As if the music had wings
but the notes dripped with tears.
Speaks of everything he's loved
and everything he fears.
His fingers, they dance,
Speak of torture and romance.
With a glance
from askance
frozen in stance 
I'm enraptured .
I'm held in...

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Only time will tell the outcome of this rhyme,
Whether it will succeed in the nick of time.
So better safe than sorry, as they say,
A good beginning makes a good ending, I pray. 

I’ll write a...

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It was high noon in Dodge City, Kansas on that hot and sultry day.
The sheriff was makin' his leisurely rounds on Old Dan, his faithful bay.
Rowdy cowpokes was wettin' their gullets tossin' whiskey down.
That mornin'...

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By the time I was a score and four
I was retired from overseas duty.
Was husband to an American beauty.
Had smoked at least ten years or more. 

I was hep......  Cool Hand Luke the fool.
John...

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Patience is slightly eroded
and I have been goaded
into a rant.
Ooooh I can't
stop myself.
Arrogant Children of frontal lobe disconnect
cannot feel past your intellect
thanks for saving you our water?
While you lead to the slaughter
the men and women...

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I like to sit and sing on the edge of your roof,
or on a high tree when I am feeling aloof;
sometimes-   my songs are a humorous spoof.
      ...

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