Long Ruse Poems

Limericks I - Relatives and Relativity

The Cosmological Constant
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
said E equals MC squared.
Thus all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!


A$$-tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
says mass increases...

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Limericks VI - Religion

Pell-Mell for Hell Mel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!



Why I...

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Judge Horne issued a decree that elections take place this week 
For the positions of mayor and sheriff in the town of Milton Creek 
It had now been nearly four years and was somewhat overdue 
Some known names...

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Unquotable quotes: Tale-Carriers, Gossip-Mongers, Courrier-Pigeon Caretakers, Smoke-Signal Puffers and Tom-Tom Thumpers – XXVI

Could there be such things as political shenanigans or inter-continental warfares, even catastrophes, natural disasters, tsunamis, irruptions, conflagrations, inundations, landslides, typhoons, tornadoes, hurricanes,...

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The Old grizzled Bear... was now keenly aware
    as he lay in his Cave all alone.
Where his time as King... was a mere passing thing
    and must choose another...

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(Somewhere in late 18th-century Europe a friend, Laetitia, by way of a letter warns her beloved girlfriend, Euphoria--a young, gay and unsuspecting mistress--against the almost inevitable seductions of the infamous and maundering philanderer, Melancholia.).



Dear Euphoria,

...

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Continued from
‘CATONITA STRIKES - PART ONE’
A Freezer Mice adventure


When no-one was around they did the finger-clicking thing
And grew to human size in time for what the day might bring
Their guns were charged and ready and...

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                             Brahman Nemesis

    ...

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Increase In Head Size

impossible mission to encapsulate notion 
flitting hither and yon, to and fro
within cranium attached to mine body,
whereby irrefutable proof prevails
predicated when yours truly
scrutinizes other people visibly aware,
I a modest married male 
blessed,...

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For a few coins Melord, I'll tell a story of two that met in this place, 
and here you can take your rest, and leave sumpter to graze in the tall grass.

I payed the old...

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He didn’t really meet Sally as such, more she met him. He was walking down the High street when she tapped him on the shoulder. I’m in a real hurry, but your brother Tom says...

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Limericks IV - Donald Trump

The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump’s bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the...

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Half a dozen plus years ago the following became a near reality

Countdown to homelessness – 
mars this earthlinked sole Harris - son
panhandler would would register 
pyrrhic victory won.

10…9…8…3..2..1… 
Found me linkedin at the end of...

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I blame me brother for the likes of this predicament,
when we pub crawled up to Bunyip, and where our night was spent.
Thank God I wasn’t in the driver’s seat, ‘cause we wouldn’t be alive, 
but...

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After I came home from work one day, and sitting down for tea
I looked out the window, and was surprised to see
A person sitting out there, as if waiting for a bus
The last one for...

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'Twas the night before Christmas and I still had gifts to buy.
I procrastinated getting it done; a terrible fault I can't deny.
As I juggled bags of presents that cost far too much money,
A sidewalk Santa...

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The Bell in the Bush

Down woodland paths the wolf did roam
Far away from his packs home
For game he’d wandered off to seek
The sick, the helpless and the weak
When happened he across a fawn
Tied amid, a...

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Troop ships loading, crowded docks
Mums and sisters waving off
Go with keepsakes, golden locks
Some men hug while many doff

Eric, soldier single stands
Beryl, lonesome widow cares
Many kissing holding hands
Eric stands and Beryl dares

Bump the soldier, make excuse
Apologizing...

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This is my modern English translation of Paul Valéry's poem “Le cimetière marin” (“The graveyard by the sea”). Valéry was buried in the seaside cemetery evoked in his best-known poem. From the vantage of the...

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Never mind games tag you're it,
What's my true purpose here am I to be really cute and feared
My not name blaspheme and smeared
This unknown gospel to the center is it made clear
As I run and...

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Gott, oh mächtig, Trump iz on the warpath again!

Glad for birth write to express views
aware cunning linguists 
will apply figurative screws  
in an effort at blatant mud slinging ruse
exercised courtesy mail in ballots, 
or...

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Donald Trump must be permanently lambasted...
and ewe know what else...
furloughed & barred from Whitehouse

Ducks of former self proclaimed Grand Poobah
getting lined up and goosed as these words typed
after trumpeting January 6th, 2021
as violent insurrection
Mitch Mcconnell...

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NOTE: The Natchez Trace is the Nashville bar where I met my future wife Beth. We invented a game called "twister pool" which involved billiards, drinking and a fair bit of physical contortion ...


At the...

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THE CHAMELEONS
by
JOHN M. ARRIBAS


Give credit to the chameleons, they blend right in 
A simple maneuver, changes the color of their skin
No matter the surroundings, one thing is clear
You may not see him, despite him being...

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You had that future retro look:  two thousand seventeen,
There was a slow and sultry permanence, a little slouchy lean
As you eased out of the taxi before it shot off to the right,
Who could have...

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