Long Patronising Poems
Long Patronising Poems. Below are the most popular long Patronising by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Patronising poems by poem length and keyword.
You’re a liar and a cheat
Just like a dog on heat
You lurk behind a cobweb thin disguise
and try so hard to fool the guys
But I’ve seen the way you try play the field
You’ve tried your best to manipulate me
Listen up honey, I’m not blind I clearly see
But I’ve got used to your patronising ways
I won’t take any more of your crap
I’m gonna start to answer back!
You’re a liar and a cheat
Just like a dog on heat
You lurk behind a cobweb thin disguise
and try so hard to fool the guys
But I’ve seen the way you try play the field
You tried to treat me like a fool
Broke many hearts, broke every rule
But sugar you can no longer deceive me
I’ve got my eye on you and note everything you do
Hope I’ve got that message clearly through to you
You’re a liar and a cheat
Just like a dog on heat
You lurk behind a thin disguise
and try so hard to fool the guys
But I’ve seen the way you try play the field
If you continue on this way and all the petty games you play
In time the truth about you is gonna be revealed!
05~10~16
It feels muted.
Like a bubbling ache, miming the mince of my patronising murk.
The peevish petulance of my prejudice prompts an abandoned frugality so thinned to a destined demise.
Unlaced.
Untied.
Undone.
A portal so honed to the residual refine of my extinction.
The sterling silver glints off the ashen sheds of my abandoned flesh; she looks like a platter.
Each serving an amortisation to the segments of my pestilent seethe.
Every atom of her making nurtures a barbaric famine to the fester of her feud.
Each larceny a sacrificial suckle for the prosperity of her condemn.
I feel my ruins spewing in a sovereign decay of a cataclysm so heinous in its destruction.
So sinister in its devaluation.
So predatory in its death.
It feels muted; all my days blending one.
All my days blending into the countdown to my censure.
My day of reckoning.
Login’s For Me, Me, Me!
Some carers are shite, debasing and all that, not fit,
Because just when I’m speeding to end my session,
When they’ve come in on another patronising visit,
They come over, bend down and adjust their vision.
So I growl in a low voice “Wot?” and they even proceed,
To say “What are you doing?”, so I cover up the screen,
With my fist, glance to the kitchen, sit up and concede,
“Nothing,” then they recede back to where they’ve been.
I change my login each time a new carer starts,
‘Cos they peer, peer, peer at my action of entering,
The numbers, and don’t seem to understand their quarts,
Are not intelligent, that they are myself outmanoeuvring.
I can only change my passcode a certain few times,
Since I am not Kevin on Eggheads so only remember,
A handful of historical events for password recall oftimes,
And that memory efforts are not for my times of slumber.
It’s different if I’m playing a game, that’s communal,
High scores are topical and cheats are conversation,
But I never play, and even if I did, that’s personal,
‘Cos I’m not as quick anymore, feel like a station!
I was a total novice when I joined the site
hadn’t got a clue what was wrong or right
You were arrogant with overbearing bravado
patronising me, saying my poetry was trite
In your eyes I didn’t write ‘proper’ poetry
and became hell bent on humiliating me
Acting like you were a poetry aficionado
who’d swallowed an archaic dictionary
You made barbed comments, it was so cruel
and even challenged me to a ‘poetry dual’
behaving like an egotistical desperado -
in the end you’re the one looking a fool
I stopped posting poetry for a short while
got soup mails, folk were missing my style
People preferred my wit to the dull ‘dodo’
he left the site, I stayed to bring a smile!
A true tale of what happened to me a few months after I joined soup - this guy couldn't stand the fact my fun poems were more appreciated that his 'superior' sonnets and he challenged me to a dual to see who got the most comments and reads. In the end I stopped posting for a while but got so much support I bounced back
Judged By A Jury Of Your Peers Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Mark Koplin
20/29/20
False Friend.
Your bull smeared on crystal glass
Comes out of your mouth, out of your ass
Your high society, hold your pinky high
You found the gutter, reaching for the sky
Condescending, patronising, business failure
Buy a jacket from a top-hole tailor.
You can’t buy class it’s all pretence.
Doing things that are complete nonsense.
Making plans, planned never to keep.
Used to control, the peasant sheep.
Paying bills gives the illusion of power
Explaining a clock in an ivory tower.
Imposing your will, expanding control
Speaking words, using a sociopathic drawl
You don’t fool me, I shake my head.
I never listened to a word that you said.
The perfect pair, how clever you are?
And yet you still bought an electric car?
Building a house staying off the grid
Justifying the cost who’re you trying to kid?
David Cox 23/03/24
(Friend) "Okay dear. Can you hear?"
(Lady) "Yes. Yes! Of course I'm here!"
(Friend) "Your husband is on to second tee."
(Lady) "No. I haven't had my tea."
(Friend) "What a hit! Woah! Ho! Ho!"
(Lady) "Yes, my garden needs a hoe."
(Friend) "Oh no! You've misheard."
(Lady) "You want a cow? We've got a herd?"
(Friend) "Oh. That'll go down in golfs history books!"
(Lady) "I said cows. We have no bucks!"
(Friend) "Phoning you isn't working, I see."
(Lady) "Who? Who has gone to sea?"
(Friend) "We're not at sea! I'm a golfing peer!"
(Lady) "Aye! Southport has a lovely pier."
(Friend) "I have to go. Here's so and so."
(Lady) "I knit a lot. But do not sew."
(Friend) "Ugh... Don't you have a hearing aid?"
(Lady) "I used to be good at first aid."
(Friend) "My train is here. Bye, bye. Choo! Choo!"
(Lady) "He bit off more than he can chew!"
(Friend) "She sure brings out my fangs and claws!"
(Lady) "My name isn't Mrs. Clause!"
(Friend) "One more word and I'd have turned the air blue."
(Lady) "By patronising me, our chat he blew!"
(Friend) "Don't ever ask me to call your wife again PLEASE!"
(Lady) "Ha! Ha! Ha! I can imagine his pleas!"
Written 7th October 2022
For the "HOMOPHONE" Contest
Sponsor: Hat Bueckert
Unswallowed lumps of lobster immodest
Crustacean returns to pincers persimmon
Waitress whisk indiscernible clears linen
Custom of one equates her eight hour day
Has It All Paul wipes away gourmet residual
Exhaustion frightened by frothy latte
Fingers in pies finance necromancer denies
Bulging funds fail to complete, coins conflict
Periphery rebuffs, enough is finite, endless leers
Goblet of gluttony grape broth overflow inflicts
Victim of vanished virtue, bon vivant declaration
Transmutes rules, outruns consequence
Guidance glued in buttery dough glides rhetorical
Yacht reined in quay quiver, another arrow for Cupid
Entertainment timed to change with shifting tides
Inglots tossed overboard drown in debauch
Drunk playboy Paul while vulnerable divulges
Disdain for greeds' steep scrag, perpetual pursuit
Outdo, prove prowess for those who never realise
Incongruent grapple for further forgets to cherish
Partners relent, resources force caucus to submit
Patronising Paul procures boardroom obedience
Inundating debt retards bombastic boon reward
Promise of association silences indulgent sin
28th June
Plenty Stimulates
“Hansel, why have we returned? I know that witch is toast
But what if she’s around here someplace as a blackened ghost?”
“Gretel, do you not recall, these flowers were not here
That when the witch was still alive these woods withered in fear.”
“But, Hansel, when we came as kids, complete with dirty knees
All we had to guide us was a dirt path through the trees
And now the very path itself is hid by vegetation
So tell me how you plan for us to find our destination.”
“Gretel can’t you smell that spicy scent of gingerbread
It’s even stronger than the flowers upon which we tread.”
“Hansel, please don’t tell me there’s some dumb scheme in your head
Like when we marked our way with crumbs on which the sparrows fed.”
“Gretal, Gretal, sister dear, just give a guy a break
Can’t you just for once forget that minuscule mistake?
But, lo, I see the witches hut; it’s right there up ahead
I won’t pretend that I’m not glad that awful witch is dead.”
“Don’t you ‘Gretal, Gretal’ me; I know you all too well.
I’d even bet you came to get some gingerbread to sell.”
“Gretal, I’m so fed up with your patronising grin.
But here’s the door; it’s up to you, but I am going in…….
Okay, now I’m puzzled, because inside there’s a bed
And in it there’s a grandma with a hairy face and head.”
“Hansel, as expected, seems you’ve led us both astray
You’ve brought us to this place from which, if wise, we’d run away
But no, you cannot help yourself, you’re quite beyond belief
So go back in and shut the door and talk about big teeth!”
"A Recipe for Antonym"
the opposite of
didactic
ulterior motive
Elastic,
bend over for receiving
patronising missives
presumptuous, friendly and deadly
with lol and smiles
then genuflect
then somersault backwards
it’s part of the ceremony
in the soupy wash
Socratic passive is us
plastic, pernicous, piquant and plural
sipped slowly and loyally steadfast
scratching backs towards the shadows
of whispered never me's (sic)
to mirrors gushing sibilant soliloquy
the opposite of lost is now moving in
with a bent halo
and sewn off blunderbuss
inscribed on the handle
I’m sure glad I'm not one of you us
(LadyLabyrinth / 2020)
"Twice" / Little Dragon
https://youtu.be/TrpMncSZe-I
Telling people I don’t get it
misunderstanding your objective
my perception be corrected
teaching me when I’m pathetic
I thought you were horrible
but you say it’s not possible
my mind’s become illogical
really you were wonderful
Oh right then I must be a clown
I thought that you had let me down
guess I got it wrong way around
forgot to smile wrong to frown
I must have looked like a dumb thing
now I don’t I owe you something
you stay there all nice and comfy
without you I’d look a numpty
Stopping me looking the bad guy
saving me from such a sad life
god I bet I looked a daft sight
always wrong you’re always right
Well anyway our friendship’s done
because you are a special one
I make mistakes while you make none
you’re a fake mate that’s no fun